Shyness vs alpha behaviour (why don't people reflect themselves?)

[empeebee]

Cheers man! But I don't half talk some shit when I've been on the pop...

From the mouths of babes and drunks...

 

[CrowLives]

This will be difficult to put into words and it won't bring me sympathy points. I am just now in a hostel and once again notice stark differencies between the genders which remember me of old thought questions and theories. Let's oversimplificate it, men tend to be loud, extroverted, maybe reckless, have high self esteem and care less about others. Not everybody and not always but as said, it's a tendency. Girls tend to be more shy and less noisy, more wary, but many care similarly little about others that are different. Now the shizo part, many will openly condemn the alpha* male behaviour but the more they do, the more they fall for exact the same men. And find thoightful men unattractive usually, even if they are similar. Suppressed feelings?

* real leaders don't need this sort of behaviour but that's another topic

I just struggle with that, I've internalized the concept of treat others like I want to be treated and it feels shizo how the majority of society behaves. I had very few male friends (being a guy) and most of these relations were difficult. With women too but out of different reasons. With the guys it's just that I don't like their behaviour, mindset and acting usually. With the girls it's subjective preconceptions and weird shit. They like me and let me down for the exact same treats.

I've been described as an alpha Male many times by both GF's as well as friend's. I always ask why and I get responses that kind of flatter me because I've never noticed certain traits described of me.

I am also known to be empathetic to a point that shocks some that have never witnessed the full extent to how I feel for people. I'm never afraid and in fact I share my feelings often in ways that could be considered feminine and it freaks out some of my more "macho" type friend's.

However. I guess I project so much confidence balanced with the right amount of humility, which I believe separates me from being perceived as arrogant instead of low keyed confidence.

I've always been a guy that makes friends with people based on character and so I have a diverse social circle. There are many friends of mine that know I do drugs but also other's that dont know and I like to think I have a good balance between taking care of my mind and body vs. The cliche drug abuse cons which my sober friends believe is standard. If ever asked though, I disclose with as much detail as they like pertaining to drug habits and often there's disbelief only because it's a stereo type that those whom use drugs are nitwits (for lack of better description).

What I've always understood about how people percieve alpha males, is that they're trouble makers and control freaks. I've never been accused of being overbearing and forcefully dominate. Of course I've been disliked though.

Often I'm only found as abrasive to the select guys and sometimes even women because they envy my stand up and outspoken demeanor. Simply too afraid to live life is how I look at it .Those that do percieve me that way, will always tend to expose undertones of envy within multiple ways;
ultimately the envy is apparant after action/s-verbal passive aggressive cues which I only confront when enough leads to more than a few (coincidental explanation) common actions/rhetoric.

I suppose their lacking of their own courage to behave in assertive but polite fashion, doing so without anxiety or insecurity;
Compels them to covertly and tyranically attempt to sabotage any alpha that they fear.

In my younger years I had been a bit more outspoken and often too upfront that I had been attacked often which ever social situation. For years though, I've found splice in patience practiced for the benefit of proving that i may be in the habit to provide input and leadership but i also care to keep people as friends and not make enemies.