Shyness - disease or just all in the head?

[herb311]

first off start lifting weights Edit - Source Removed - Please read the guidelines
does wonders for you self esteem when you seem body transform, beyond that, yeah its terryfying talking to strangers, especially the opposite sex but force yourself to do it. Chances are your gonna fuck up but keep doing it, eventually it wont be a thing, youll be able to act like yourself, without fucking up, and people will dig you. You just have to get over the initial fear and deal with it until you just dont give a shit and you wish flanders was dead... worked for me

 

[Olli.]

i still do get anxiety when i'm around a new person who is intimidating..

im have always been shy, but mainly now its around people who are intimidating, like my boyfriends friends or his family, or people who i feel i just cant relax around, or have to impress, it really gets to me because im sure i come across as this boring person, just polite nice person, and that people have to try and make small talk with, who doesnt have all that much to say, but my mind goes blank and it gets to me even more because im really not this serious quiet person, i sometimes come across as.

I think its easier for me to approach these situations with now, dont go over the top to impress people just relax and be yourself, if you dont want to talk then dont, if you have something to say then say it, not everyone has to talk all the time, who cares what they are thinking of you. (of course i try and fool myself with this thinking it sometimes just doesnt work like that) YOu just have to keep thinking postive about yourself.

Im the same i think i love (or loved) partying and pills so much, because i just turn into this social butterfly that can talk to anyONe!! infact i dont shut up when ive got that extra confidence, its alot of fun but its not the best thing to get stuck in, but at the same time i think my partying has brought out some confidence in me too.

Im getting more and more confortable with shyness, i suppose always look at it like it was a bad thing, really it doesnt have to be, i know i like the cool type of person who just sort of keeps to themself and says things when its important, i think that what a shy person sometimes comes across as to others, but too themselves it comes across as negative thoughts and thoughts like im quiet and boring.

Not everyone has to be overly confident and the life of the party, people like people for different reasons, shyness has its qualities that attracts people to like that part of this person, i know i like shyness in a person, its mysterious and intriguing in some ways, you have to get the person trust etc before they show you themselves.

I also think alot of geniune people are shy people, they dont bullshit they are who they are its no fake act.

Ive been told alot of nice people are the ones who suffer from Anxiety problems, because they are always worrying about little things that not so nice people wouldnt even bother about.

I cant believe how much pain we all put ourselves through in our own minds, really just our own worst enemies, no one else is thinking all the bad stuff but ourselves. I wish i could know how to turn this thinking around too.

Im currently on the i must be boring in bed, which thinking realisticially i know isnt true, but because i read all these people who sound so sexually confident, watch film clips with "sexy" girls and movies with people comfortable, SO automatically think thats what everyone wants and they way you have to be, and i must be boring... i wish i could chuck my stresshead thought pattern AWAY and just relax and get on with living life and not worrying about stupid things that dont mean all that much !!

I found this which i think is a good way to look at things:

Every social person must learn to accept rejection, not every relationship works out and lasts forever, not everyone will like you nor will you like everyone. Lonely people make two big mistakes in this process: (a) when socializing they feel they are being evaluated. Thus, they start to worry about the impression they are making. This makes them uptight instead of relaxing and being fun to be with. (b) Because they think they have been evaluated, when someone rejects them it becomes "proof" that they haven't measured up, that they have failed and are unattractive or no good. These wrong conclusions must be corrected. Most people are just wanting to have a good time; they aren't spending their evening assessing all your strengths and faults so they can calculate your total worth as a person. Correct this thinking, get lots of rejections, and use desensitization to reduce the emotional trauma of rejection. Lighten up, stop expecting everyone to love you, stop being self-critical, take the initiative and bring up interesting topics, don't "play it safe" and hide in the crowd, focus on other people and their interests, help others have a good time, and be satisfied with your efforts. Practice, practice, practice social skills.

 

[Shy_Guy_25]

Well university started and i think i've only been to 2 classes in the past 2 weeks. My anxiety levels are goin through the roof. I'm avoiding those classes which involves alot of participation and discussion. Anxiety seems worse when there are more people in the class. I am already contemplating dropping a subject not because i can't do it, but because it may involve an oral presentation which i WILL never do! I not its not good to avoid it but i don't have any other options. I know i need help but i'm scared of the road ahead of me. I just wanna complete my degree but if i'm avoiding sebjects like this then i'm not sure how i will do that. Its like a cycle and trick myself by telling myself i will do it just not now.

This is depressing for me cos deep down i know i can be the most outgoing and friendly person, yet something is stopping me which i have no control over. You guys must be getting tired of me, its been how many weeks since my first post and havn't seek any help yet. But you must understand i am scared shitless about all this. When will it end?

 

[Olli.]

Honestly there is nothing to be scared off going and seeing someone, they deal with it all the time, they are trained.

I started to see someone a bit ago and before i went i couldnt understand how i would feel comfortable talking about my issues that you keep to yourself, but they know how to get you talking.

You just need someone you feel comfortable with, you say your in Sydney, pm if you want the name of lady i go too, she is really nice and you just feel really comfortable around her - not scary at ALL !!

Or Just look in the phone book and make a appointment and just FORCE yourself to go. I think really its the only thing you can do otherwise your going to waste alot of time trying to deal with this yourself and in the meantime miss alot of opportunities.

 

[Shy_Guy_25]

Ok after many months of building up the courage to see someone about this, i finally did so the other week.

Now the GP referred me to a psychiatrist but i still feel somewat disappointed with the outcome. I have been having restless nights sleep prior to the consultation and would hope that after this i would feel some sorta ease. Was not the case.

During the consultation he asked me a few questions about my background, and i told him wat i thought was wrong. He then asked me wat i wanted for him to do for me, felt like i was being rushed and just told me it was probably depression. There was so much more i wanted to say but when he said i should make another appointment i felt i better just leave it for another time. He gave me a week's worth of Efexor(venlafaxine 75mg) and sent me on my merry way. The whole consultation probably lasted no more then 10 mins.

Now my question is, the feeling of helplessness right now is that from me overanalyzing the situation or do you guys think this doc does not know was SAD and won't understand it. If its the latter do you think i should see another doc about it or should i at least wait til the second consultation?

This was one of the reasons why it took me so long to do something about it. I really feel more depressed now than i already have. Lets hope the meds work.

One other thing i looked at his degree which was hung against the wall and it said that he graduated from Hong Kong university. Now am i just being paranoid about this?? Wish i had the finances to seek quality help but yeh i guess you get wat you pay for.

 

[ebeneezer_geeza]

i think you should see a psychologist perhaps. they tend to offer you a bit more insight and coping skills etc than a pscyhiatrist will. The latter tend to whip out their script pads instead of addressing the real causes. Not saying the the effexor may not be any good - it could be. Have a look though at the thread about psychiatrists in the dark side that i started.

you should feel comfortable with who you are talking to and they should take the time to listen. Keep us posted. hope it all goes well for you.

 

[PassMeTheVicks]

Deffinately a disease. Here my take. I conclude that shyness is not a deffinate way of being or that youre doomed to be shy. Shyness generates from distorted perceptions of reality or things like inferiority complexes (things of which are really hard to change consciously, as your subconscious is who really runs the show) On the other hand, when your subconscious needs are satisfied (very, extremely true inmy case) your subconscious relaxes and totally transforms your lattitude, body language and life.

To be truly honest, I cant think of the possibility of a guy getting all the sex, fun and love from a girl that completely satisfies you and still be shy. Atleast wehn it comes to being around girls and being real confident around that own g/f of yours.