sheepish486
Bluelighter
About a week ago i took about 1.5 grams of mushrooms...it had been almost a year since the last trip, so i didnt have any set expectations.
I was going to take them with a friend but he was a little burned out from the weekend, so i decided to take them on my own. My roomates would be around, so if i needed anything i could go talk to them.
I was in a really good headspace that night, and as i came up on the shrooms i couldnt stop smiling. My apartment seemed to confining, so i went for a walk in search of a park, and went outside ran around the streets a little bit...i live in montreal...and had lovely conversations with some trees and cars...
anyway...i went back to my apartment a little while later and went in my room and my roomate came in and talked to me a little...but by then i was completely uninterested in speech and kept getting side tracked by everything else...
after a while i was better able to keep a conversation going, and comprehend what my roomie was saying he mentioned that he had always wanted to be kind of 'hypnotised' while on a hallucinogen. so i let him guide me into a hypnotic state.
Previously to shrooming, i was interested in meditation, and created a place where i could 'go' and kind of relax in my head. Just to give a better picture of what it was, it is kind of like that temple at the end of the crouching tiger movie, and i climb flights of stairs and on my right is a vast field/hill covered in a cemetary with mound graves, etc..and on my left is a stone wall that reaches past a point that i can see. and when i reach the top of the stairs there is a small plot of land covered in grass with a building with a kind of strange architecture. Usually i just go in there and walk around and explore the rooms. The whole plot of land is surrounded in a whitish fog.
So i went there, but it was so strange...the more i allowed myself to become enveloped in this (imagining?) the more i could 'see' it and feel it. Although my eyes were seeing my room, my mind was 'seeing' that place. It was like a whole new sense was turned on...or was this just extreme involvement in imagination?
So I described the place to my roomie, and he asked me if i would be willing to walk into the fog, and i told him i couldnt because im afraid i might fall off. He assured me that nothing will happen, so i stepped off the grass and into the fog. I kept walking, but i was hanging onto the picture of my previous surroundings...kind of bringing them with me. My roomie suggested i let go of it, and allow the fog to envelope me, and again i said i was afraid taht i wouldnt be able to find my way back. Eventually he convinced me to let go of everything, and it seemed like i was entering a whole new level...it was kind of nothingness...it wasnt my body that was there, it wasnt anything...even the fog was nothing...kind of like i was floating in a void.
My eyes were open this whole time, so i could see my room, and my roomate, but i wasnt quite there....i was elsewhere and sending messages back to my body so i could say them outloud and tell my roomate...
After i entered the fog the roomie asked me if i might be able to go places...anywhere i have an attachment to, or something significant that may have occured there...
So i thought of home, and though things were still misty i was in my house at home...then i left because i couldnt find anything of significance there...the atmosphere was kind of still and calm...i knew my family was there, and i knew they would always be there...so i left and went elsewhere
then i visited a few more places...all of which didnt have any people whom i knew very well, or was attached to. At this point i realised that it is probably the human presence im after...and i wondered if i would be able to find other people floating around in the fog...or if peices of people are there...so i went to find a friend whom i had been very close to in the past...and i sort of arrived in thier area...however i had never been there so when i got there i had no idea where to look...i tried calling them..and then i got frantic and told my roomie i was lost, and the person i was looking for had no idea i was there, and would i be able to get back home...
At that point i started crying a little and it brought my back to my room and my eyes reverted back to normalness, and that weird seeing i had in my mind was gone...all this had lasted quite a while because by the time i came back, my trip was subsiding and i was getting tired...
So perhaps egp-loss isnt the word...but i was thinking maybe the initial entering into that...void place...and actually having my whole non-physical self be there, could this be the first stage to ego-loss?
And was the travelling around perhaps imagination being given a kick up because of the mushrooms?
well whatever it was...if anyone could give some feedback..or if anyone else tryed meditation on hallucinogens....and does anyone have any tips on attempting meditation? etc etc etc
okies...so long for now
-aimee
I was going to take them with a friend but he was a little burned out from the weekend, so i decided to take them on my own. My roomates would be around, so if i needed anything i could go talk to them.
I was in a really good headspace that night, and as i came up on the shrooms i couldnt stop smiling. My apartment seemed to confining, so i went for a walk in search of a park, and went outside ran around the streets a little bit...i live in montreal...and had lovely conversations with some trees and cars...
anyway...i went back to my apartment a little while later and went in my room and my roomate came in and talked to me a little...but by then i was completely uninterested in speech and kept getting side tracked by everything else...
after a while i was better able to keep a conversation going, and comprehend what my roomie was saying he mentioned that he had always wanted to be kind of 'hypnotised' while on a hallucinogen. so i let him guide me into a hypnotic state.
Previously to shrooming, i was interested in meditation, and created a place where i could 'go' and kind of relax in my head. Just to give a better picture of what it was, it is kind of like that temple at the end of the crouching tiger movie, and i climb flights of stairs and on my right is a vast field/hill covered in a cemetary with mound graves, etc..and on my left is a stone wall that reaches past a point that i can see. and when i reach the top of the stairs there is a small plot of land covered in grass with a building with a kind of strange architecture. Usually i just go in there and walk around and explore the rooms. The whole plot of land is surrounded in a whitish fog.
So i went there, but it was so strange...the more i allowed myself to become enveloped in this (imagining?) the more i could 'see' it and feel it. Although my eyes were seeing my room, my mind was 'seeing' that place. It was like a whole new sense was turned on...or was this just extreme involvement in imagination?
So I described the place to my roomie, and he asked me if i would be willing to walk into the fog, and i told him i couldnt because im afraid i might fall off. He assured me that nothing will happen, so i stepped off the grass and into the fog. I kept walking, but i was hanging onto the picture of my previous surroundings...kind of bringing them with me. My roomie suggested i let go of it, and allow the fog to envelope me, and again i said i was afraid taht i wouldnt be able to find my way back. Eventually he convinced me to let go of everything, and it seemed like i was entering a whole new level...it was kind of nothingness...it wasnt my body that was there, it wasnt anything...even the fog was nothing...kind of like i was floating in a void.
My eyes were open this whole time, so i could see my room, and my roomate, but i wasnt quite there....i was elsewhere and sending messages back to my body so i could say them outloud and tell my roomate...
After i entered the fog the roomie asked me if i might be able to go places...anywhere i have an attachment to, or something significant that may have occured there...
So i thought of home, and though things were still misty i was in my house at home...then i left because i couldnt find anything of significance there...the atmosphere was kind of still and calm...i knew my family was there, and i knew they would always be there...so i left and went elsewhere
then i visited a few more places...all of which didnt have any people whom i knew very well, or was attached to. At this point i realised that it is probably the human presence im after...and i wondered if i would be able to find other people floating around in the fog...or if peices of people are there...so i went to find a friend whom i had been very close to in the past...and i sort of arrived in thier area...however i had never been there so when i got there i had no idea where to look...i tried calling them..and then i got frantic and told my roomie i was lost, and the person i was looking for had no idea i was there, and would i be able to get back home...
At that point i started crying a little and it brought my back to my room and my eyes reverted back to normalness, and that weird seeing i had in my mind was gone...all this had lasted quite a while because by the time i came back, my trip was subsiding and i was getting tired...
So perhaps egp-loss isnt the word...but i was thinking maybe the initial entering into that...void place...and actually having my whole non-physical self be there, could this be the first stage to ego-loss?
And was the travelling around perhaps imagination being given a kick up because of the mushrooms?
well whatever it was...if anyone could give some feedback..or if anyone else tryed meditation on hallucinogens....and does anyone have any tips on attempting meditation? etc etc etc
okies...so long for now
-aimee
