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Should I tell her my feelings?

ChipTrippyFox

ChipTrippyFox

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 25, 2013
Messages
887
I'm currently in a failed relationship which I want to leave (there is more to this story involving how I was abused for years but it is kinda off topic; perhaps if anyone shows interest I will make a new thread about it)
I recently returned to work after being on medical leave to try and get my depression under control. I didn't get enough time off but I am glad I returned to work.. cause I met the most amazing girl.

I like everything about her. She is smart, funny, philosophical and articulate. Not to mention drop dead gorgeous! She totally clicks with my personality in a way no one ever has before.. especially not so quickly. I'm an acquired taste for most girls, they find me weird. She loves my personality.
It didn't take me long to become interested in her and now I think about her every day.

About a week after I met her (3 or 4 months ago) I found out that she had just started a new relationship, I am not sure how serious they are.. She claims to like him but honestly she doesn't talk about him a whole lot. Not to mention he has been away doing some sort of army training out of town. (His secondary job. His primary is by chance the same place that me and this girl also work. Hooray, office romance stuff)

I can understand multiple different reasons why it would be inappropriate to express my interest in her.. but it is burning me up inside to hold it in! I am willing to accept the fact that she could very well not want me that way. (even though I am getting some signals from her that make me think I have a chance) I am just wondering to myself.. If I DO have any chance.. Should I try to take it ASAP before it's too late..?
 
Why would you want to tell her your feelings if she is already in a relationship? Has she shown any feelings towards you other than friendship / co-worker? Giving the circumstances that you, her and her BF all work in the same place then expressing your feelings could make things very uncomfortable for everyone concerned.

Your in a failed relationship at the moment, you are just back to work after suffering from depression - you may be interpreting her friendship for something more than it is.

Get out of your failed relationship, give yourself some free time to get to know how your feeling and your depression in check (maybe seek help about the abuse) then see how you stand with this girl at work.

Bear
 
deano88 said:
Sounds like she's friend zoned you
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I'm not sure where you are interpreting this from.

Bearlove said:
Why would you want to tell her your feelings if she is already in a relationship? Has she shown any feelings towards you other than friendship / co-worker? Giving the circumstances that you, her and her BF all work in the same place then expressing your feelings could make things very uncomfortable for everyone concerned.

Your in a failed relationship at the moment, you are just back to work after suffering from depression - you may be interpreting her friendship for something more than it is.

Get out of your failed relationship, give yourself some free time to get to know how your feeling and your depression in check (maybe seek help about the abuse) then see how you stand with this girl at work.

Bear
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Maybe. She hasn't outright told me that she wants me, but I do feel like she does have at least some level of attraction towards me. I'm perfectly willing to accept that I am reading more into her behavior than is intended due to my current circumstances. IDK.. I've never seen a girl smile like that towards me.. We can make each other smile just by making eye contact.

You may be right about holding it back for the time being.. I think she is absolutely amazing and I would hate to lose her because I made it awkward..

I'm scared of what it will be like to actually leave this place on my own.. She's been helping me a lot though through deep conversation (with the limited amount of time we have spent together she has helped me feel much better about myself)

Something that's kinda bugging me is that there isn't much left for me in this city.. I could attempt to start over with my own place or even with a roomie, but I would still be working a crappy job in a crappy city with very few doors ahead that I am motivated to open. If I didn't have these feelings, I think I would probably be making plans to move back across the county to my mother to get back on my feet.. Thats what I was gonna do but instead of leaving I took time off to see if I could fix my depression and my relationship.. both remain a mess. However now I have met this girl who seems absolutely perfect to me (this feels different than just a crush, I don't know how to explain it..) so now what. :(
 
Does she know about your depression? Perhaps she is just a really kind person and your mistaking her friendliness for something more.
 
Yes, she knows. She has been actively coaxing me out of my current relationship because she believes I deserve better.
 
Bearlove said:
Get out of your failed relationship, give yourself some free time to get to know how your feeling and your depression in check (maybe seek help about the abuse) then see how you stand with this girl at work.

Bear
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This. Take a few months off and sort out your emotions. Otherwise you will probably be bringing a whole bunch of emotional baggage into your new relationship, which isn't really fair for your partner or you. You need to time to process and analyze your life, without distraction and interference from a new mate.
 
As long as she's with him... don't go there. You're pretty much friend-zoned. Because she is NOT dating/romance with you - she can be your friend, etc... not feel sexual tension, etc. (Think of how some women hang around gay men).

She can be your friend to help you find someone else...
 
It makes me want to tear up.. but I feel like you guys are probably right.. I'm really damn sure I wouldn't be able to hold back if she clearly came on to me though.
 
She just feels sorry for you, girls don't wanna fuck guys they feel sorry for....
 
girls want MEN to say "I'm gonna take you, and pound you silly". Seriously, women love the romantic, slow stuff - massage oil, rubs, etc... slow gentle stuff (so do I)... but they like a good share of pulling their hair while pounding them behind like a bitch in heat. Banging your pelvis into hers... many women like that. Its.. raw animal fuckingtastic.
 
ChipTrippyFox said:
It makes me want to tear up.. but I feel like you guys are probably right.. I'm really damn sure I wouldn't be able to hold back if she clearly came on to me though.
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If she comes onto you then go for it :D. I would continue the way your going, your being friendly, approachable and honest with this girl which she seems to like about you. You never know what direction this friendship could take.
 
Clitnhawk said:
girls want MEN to say "I'm gonna take you, and pound you silly". Seriously, women love the romantic, slow stuff - massage oil, rubs, etc... slow gentle stuff (so do I)... but they like a good share of pulling their hair while pounding them behind like a bitch in heat. Banging your pelvis into hers... many women like that. Its.. raw animal fuckingtastic.
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How does that tie into strictly psychological situations??? Being able to fuck like an animal is a bit different than trying to court a mate, so while I see what you're saying, I'm not sure how this ties into my current situation. What exactly is it you're telling me to do?

Bearlove said:
If she comes onto you then go for it :D. I would continue the way your going, your being friendly, approachable and honest with this girl which she seems to like about you. You never know what direction this friendship could take.
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Yeah. I just feel so anxious that my chances with her go down the longer I wait; But that could just be me. I've had a bad experience with that on multiple occasions where I took too long to show interest in a girl and she will have lost interest in me. I just don't know how to show that I'm Romantically available to her without seeming desperately obvious.
How do I flirt without being inappropriate
 
You should wait. Respect her and her relationship. There is nothing more annoying that someone that you care about confusing HIS feelings for you when you are already with someone else. It's so selfish. What do you expect her to do?
 
I was kind of responding to the post above "She just feels sorry for you, girls don't wanna fuck guys they feel sorry for"... and then the rest at you and in general.

Point is... you don't pick up girls waiting for them... you gotta grab them and be like "I WANT YOU" mentality. The woman you are interested in... is seeing someone else - so you can't do that. And if she was to CHEAT on him, then she would CHEAT on you.

And as you posted " I've had a bad experience with that on multiple occasions where I took too long to show interest in a girl " - yep, been there - done that. When I meet a girl or date a girl, we usually have sex that first night, if not the 2nd. I've taken a woman to a club that I was going to, she wanted to tag along... so not really a date. I had given her some advice she wanted and I said "I'm going out dancing", she said "I wanna go!" - so we went out.. and 3-4 hours, we're having sex.

I had sex with my wife about 3~4hours after we first meet. I liked her, I kissed her and we felt the energy and it went from there.

Women (or anyone I guess) don't like it when the man is second guessing himself. does that make sense?

Oh, before I settled down... I did some dating with "getting to know you more" rate of speed... like 3~7 dates of no sex... in the end, we NEVER had sex. I was second guessing their feelings and mine... rather than be a man, without being a douche. I never forced myself on anyone.

Look at it this way, this tidbit of info is VERY important.

When a woman agrees to go on a date with you. (not "call me") and she shows up. Then she already has it in her mind that she is WILLING to have sex with you.
The date is you selling yourself (and her as well)... in which you start out with 100 points (lets say) and how you handle the date, her, others, etc determines your ending score in which if its high enough for her standards to take off her panties.
(This is not a rule of thumb)

 
Monogacentrists are all evil and can fuck them selves in their sheep ass ;-)

it is NEVER not appropriate to express your feelings to someone. anything less is some varying shade of dishonesty. dishonesty is what monogacentrists excel at!
 
I would agree with the removing yourself from the relationship which you no longer want first. And allow yourself to heal before you jump into anything else.

regardless if you've a chance with this girl, you're in a relationship and it's only right to end it knowing that you're even considering wanting to be with someone else. It's toxic to the relationship you have, and will be toxic to the starting of a new relationship.
 
I think that you should; but break up with the man or woman who you are currently with that you posted about, before you talk to her. Good luck.
 
Bearlove said:
Why would you want to tell her your feelings if she is already in a relationship? Has she shown any feelings towards you other than friendship / co-worker? Giving the circumstances that you, her and her BF all work in the same place then expressing your feelings could make things very uncomfortable for everyone concerned.

Your in a failed relationship at the moment, you are just back to work after suffering from depression - you may be interpreting her friendship for something more than it is.

Get out of your failed relationship, give yourself some free time to get to know how your feeling and your depression in check (maybe seek help about the abuse) then see how you stand with this girl at work.

Bear
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Aren't you more vulnerable towards your current relationship? I would be. I have gone through this once.
And, in that case we maybe tend to compensate that sadness unconsciously by wishing that someone else would appreciate us more.
Like it was suggested above, resolve your failed relationship first. Other doors will open after you get this done.
Good luck!
Erik
 
Yeah, like the others have said, she's in a relationship. Sure it may be a new relationship but it's not a nice thing to just try to get her to cheat or something.
You will find someone else.
Or she could end up breaking up with that guy. Then you could have a chance.
 
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