Hey everyone, i've been wanting some advice and what better then people that are on the outskirts. So I have been a heroin addict for the past 3 years. I am currently clean and have been for 5 months now. I met my current boyfriend in rehab. Yes i realize how it sounds, im fully aware. Im not trying to sound naive but i am so in love with him. After i got out of rehab i went to a half way house and was there for about a month and a half. I got kicked out for a mis read drug test, i eventually proved that. I don't have much financial support from family and i ended up going to the salvation army for a night. Well my current boyfriend is a coal miner and he had been coming to see me on weekends. Well he knew what was going on with me and so he came and got me. I had friends in AA and a sponsor and well they all disagree with what im doing. I know we moved fast but i highly doubt if any of them were in my shoes they would rather stay in a homeless shelter then go be with the guy you care about and can offer you stability and security for once in your life. We just recently got an apartment and have been living together now for a few months. My life is better then ever but everyone that was in my life before is doubting everything about this relationship. I've never been happier but there doubts are still in my mind and have me feeling insecure. They all say i barely know him and what if one of us goes back out...? And then there's my family, they disagree with what im doing, i just keep telling myself that this is my life. Im the one that has to live it, not them. Anyway i was just wanting some outside opinions about all of this. Thanks
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SLR Moderators: M!$TER-ED
Should i care what they think?
- Thread starter kayla21
- Start date
trappedpenguin7
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2011
- Messages
- 34
it's your life and your relationship so it's ultimately up to you. If you are happier than ever, obviously you shouldn't break it off....the only negative i see that could (possibly) come from this is if he relapses you may follow suit.
If relapse is not something you see coming from either of you, and you are happy, there is nothing you should do. The people who love you have reasonable doubts and the only way to persuade them otherwise is by showing them with time that this is a healthy relationship.
If relapse is not something you see coming from either of you, and you are happy, there is nothing you should do. The people who love you have reasonable doubts and the only way to persuade them otherwise is by showing them with time that this is a healthy relationship.
izzy66
Bluelighter
OP, i just want to congratulate you on your 5 months of clean time and seriously encourage you to look into school or some type of job training so that you don't have to depend on family or a relationship for a roof over your head or food in your belly. it does a whole lot for self-confidence to know you have life basics covered on your own. plus relationships are a whole lot better in the long run when you're involved cuz of -want- instead of -need-, y'know?
best of luck to you.
-izzy
best of luck to you.
-izzy
Lysis
Bluelighter
Everything in moderation, including what other people think.
First, you said yourself that you know the stereotype behind dating someone from rehab, so you shouldn't be surprised at what your family is thinking. Your family is giving you advice without the love blinders, which is why you should care what they have to say, although it is your every right to mentally evaluate it and do what you feel is right for you, which brings me to my second point.
I certainly can't blame you for being homeless and taking your BF up on coming and getting you. In the same respect that I think you should care what your loved ones think, I think they should not be surprised that you did what you had to do to put a roof over your head. Let's see: going off with a BF and having a roof over your head, or sleeping at the salvation army? Duh, of course you chose the better option. They need to realize that.
Third, addicts tend to relapse, so I highly suggest you do what you need to do to save money and provide yourself with an "out." Being totally dependent on someone you barely know is not really self-preserving. I got a guy sleeping on my couch right now who has given up on life, and he is totally dependent on me. Everything he does annoys the shit out of me, because he has basically become completely unmotivated. We dated for a time, but it's done, and now I want a real relationship with someone who at least has motivation to go do things, and he is stifling my dating scene. I not only feel guilty for talking to men since he's still here, but I also know explaining the situation to a great guy won't go over very well. Of course I didn't see that happening a year ago, but it happened, and now his only saving grace is that he takes care of my dog when I am at work. I don't have the heart to kick his ass out, but if he doesn't change some habits and is still sleeping on my couch in 6 months, my patience might be completely done and who knows what will happen. If he doesn't start saving his cash, he might just be homeless or back living with his mom. Just something to think about for your own situation. There are a lot more people who would kick his ass out than put up with the bullshit like I am.
First, you said yourself that you know the stereotype behind dating someone from rehab, so you shouldn't be surprised at what your family is thinking. Your family is giving you advice without the love blinders, which is why you should care what they have to say, although it is your every right to mentally evaluate it and do what you feel is right for you, which brings me to my second point.
I certainly can't blame you for being homeless and taking your BF up on coming and getting you. In the same respect that I think you should care what your loved ones think, I think they should not be surprised that you did what you had to do to put a roof over your head. Let's see: going off with a BF and having a roof over your head, or sleeping at the salvation army? Duh, of course you chose the better option. They need to realize that.
Third, addicts tend to relapse, so I highly suggest you do what you need to do to save money and provide yourself with an "out." Being totally dependent on someone you barely know is not really self-preserving. I got a guy sleeping on my couch right now who has given up on life, and he is totally dependent on me. Everything he does annoys the shit out of me, because he has basically become completely unmotivated. We dated for a time, but it's done, and now I want a real relationship with someone who at least has motivation to go do things, and he is stifling my dating scene. I not only feel guilty for talking to men since he's still here, but I also know explaining the situation to a great guy won't go over very well. Of course I didn't see that happening a year ago, but it happened, and now his only saving grace is that he takes care of my dog when I am at work. I don't have the heart to kick his ass out, but if he doesn't change some habits and is still sleeping on my couch in 6 months, my patience might be completely done and who knows what will happen. If he doesn't start saving his cash, he might just be homeless or back living with his mom. Just something to think about for your own situation. There are a lot more people who would kick his ass out than put up with the bullshit like I am.
citizen cained
Bluelighter
i understand their concerns but if you feel that he and you wont relapse then its none of their business..
Mel22
Bluelight Crew
Of course you should care what they think - these people love and care for you.
However, they do not always know what is best - sometimes no one does.
Just do what you're doing as long as it's working well for you. If you and your partner do the right thing, then in time, the people around you will come to accept and support your relationship. Prove to everyone that you're right.
However, they do not always know what is best - sometimes no one does.
Just do what you're doing as long as it's working well for you. If you and your partner do the right thing, then in time, the people around you will come to accept and support your relationship. Prove to everyone that you're right.
I went through this when I went to rehab.
Most people in AA were supportive, but the one's in NA not so much.
There's a passage in the big book that says A.A. has no opinion on how you handle your love life.
Nothing in A.A. should be black and white. Take your situation and weigh it out.
Where are you in your recovery, where is he in his recovery? where are ya'll emotionally.
The girl I met in rehab... We both ended up in college, working, with money and our own apartment.
For about two weeks, then she hopped on a bus, went home, and got back on heroin.
I threw everything I had worked for away because I was devastated.
I quit school, blew all my money, quit my job, started shooting up and wound up in jail.
Not saying that's the norm, that's just my experience.
Take in to consideration the advice of other's in recovery, but remember that all their wisdom is their opinion and just because it worked for them doesn't mean it'll work for you.
(gotta love trying to give wholesome advice on recovery when i myself am high.)
i think you're fine, just remember not to start slacking on recovery. like i said, the big book specifically says love relationships are nobody else's business and i don't think anyone can set a definite time limit on when it's ok to be in a relationship.
it's highly variable.
Most people in AA were supportive, but the one's in NA not so much.
There's a passage in the big book that says A.A. has no opinion on how you handle your love life.
Nothing in A.A. should be black and white. Take your situation and weigh it out.
Where are you in your recovery, where is he in his recovery? where are ya'll emotionally.
The girl I met in rehab... We both ended up in college, working, with money and our own apartment.
For about two weeks, then she hopped on a bus, went home, and got back on heroin.
I threw everything I had worked for away because I was devastated.
I quit school, blew all my money, quit my job, started shooting up and wound up in jail.
Not saying that's the norm, that's just my experience.
Take in to consideration the advice of other's in recovery, but remember that all their wisdom is their opinion and just because it worked for them doesn't mean it'll work for you.
(gotta love trying to give wholesome advice on recovery when i myself am high.)
i think you're fine, just remember not to start slacking on recovery. like i said, the big book specifically says love relationships are nobody else's business and i don't think anyone can set a definite time limit on when it's ok to be in a relationship.
it's highly variable.