Toy Soldier
Greenlighter
You were never really mine, I know that now.
In fact, you never truly intended to stay.
Did you?
Just some transitory camouflage for you and your deceit
to hide behind, all those years.
It's only now that I feel I've really lost something.
You severed me forever with words written in other places.
All my half hopes of it never being the truth.
And my fight for freedom from demons
that you made me lose.
Those wars that I fought, just to find solace with you.
It's all I wanted.
I thought you did too.
But you were already chained to secrets, big.
And hid them in that place I never really belonged to.
Your heart.
They were never brought out to be shown. Once.
Until I dislodged everything and it embedded in me.
My tears were heavier.
Finally.
I am cold from the other person in you.
You, and your mask worn forever.
I rise and fall in a cradle of insomnia now.
And I'm not beautiful.
Never beautiful, except with you.
It's a nothing face I wear.
Rolled up in canvas because I no longer have you
to unfurl it and make it smile.
Even though you never planned on staying long enough to find it.
Did you ever get post coital guilt, with him?
Did you ever love me?
I am terrified of the horrible finds your jigsaw world throws up.
And I need it to stop.
I only wanted to pull back one corner, just to see.
Just to hope the truth was all for me.
With nothing to die inside for.
But I'm too small for your whole story.
When I need to be giant enough to save myself from falling daily into ruin.
I can't even fucking hate you!
And if ever there was a time for that, it's now.
It was there every time I never meant it to be.
Why wont it come to me now?
Why should you escape my burning tears, or when they dry alone.
I assembled hopes for you and now they're likely kite high
in someone elses sky.
You moved in his breeze always. I know that now.
Do you stil live it secret and seperate?
This weighs a ton for me.
I wanted to be the only face in your heart.
I didn't prepare for this. Deep down I hoped I'd never have to.
I just still love you.
What if I can never belong to anyone else now but you?
In fact, you never truly intended to stay.
Did you?
Just some transitory camouflage for you and your deceit
to hide behind, all those years.
It's only now that I feel I've really lost something.
You severed me forever with words written in other places.
All my half hopes of it never being the truth.
And my fight for freedom from demons
that you made me lose.
Those wars that I fought, just to find solace with you.
It's all I wanted.
I thought you did too.
But you were already chained to secrets, big.
And hid them in that place I never really belonged to.
Your heart.
They were never brought out to be shown. Once.
Until I dislodged everything and it embedded in me.
My tears were heavier.
Finally.
I am cold from the other person in you.
You, and your mask worn forever.
I rise and fall in a cradle of insomnia now.
And I'm not beautiful.
Never beautiful, except with you.
It's a nothing face I wear.
Rolled up in canvas because I no longer have you
to unfurl it and make it smile.
Even though you never planned on staying long enough to find it.
Did you ever get post coital guilt, with him?
Did you ever love me?
I am terrified of the horrible finds your jigsaw world throws up.
And I need it to stop.
I only wanted to pull back one corner, just to see.
Just to hope the truth was all for me.
With nothing to die inside for.
But I'm too small for your whole story.
When I need to be giant enough to save myself from falling daily into ruin.
I can't even fucking hate you!
And if ever there was a time for that, it's now.
It was there every time I never meant it to be.
Why wont it come to me now?
Why should you escape my burning tears, or when they dry alone.
I assembled hopes for you and now they're likely kite high
in someone elses sky.
You moved in his breeze always. I know that now.
Do you stil live it secret and seperate?
This weighs a ton for me.
I wanted to be the only face in your heart.
I didn't prepare for this. Deep down I hoped I'd never have to.
I just still love you.
What if I can never belong to anyone else now but you?
