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Sexual Performance Anxiety Help

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Steve88

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 13, 2016
Messages
3
Hi all,

New here, and I'm a little embarrassed on this topic to be very honest. Hoping someone can help from experience.

I'm 28 and been in a relationship with this girl for a few weeks now, been intimate for a few months before the relationship started. I really like this girl, will do anything for her and have never felt like this about anyone before. The issue is I have trouble maintaining an erection which I believe is caused by performance anxiety (or just stress in my life). During foreplay and general touching I will have a full erection but as we remove our clothes or when she starts touching below i can feel the anxiety starting. I then start to feel very excited as if I want to ejaculate but I have enough experience not to. This excitement and anxiety causes me to go flaccid. If this excitement feeling doesn't occur during foreplay, it will happen when entering her which causes me to pull out and then cannot get an erection again. There are times where I manage to stay in without needing to pull out which is a relief and the anxiety disappears. We then have a great session. It happens 50/50 of the time. The first 2 times we were intimate a few months ago, it was the total opposite. I would be fully erect, but struggled to orgasm and went for hours. Now that I really like her and have become closer, the anxiety is occurring, and it's really bothering me and worried she will leave, although she has mentioned it doesn't bother her. This is due to her being on anti-depressants and not fussed whether she gets action or not.


I have never experienced this before and I'm really confused. I've never had this issue with my ex girlfriend of 4 years, which I believe was because we were very comfortable with each other. The ex girlfriend was also more "into it" and took charge where the current girlfriend will never initiate it. When she senses i start going flaccid, she will seem uninterested anymore and this makes my confidence drop totally and i will not become erect again. How can i be myself again? I'm really worried because I definitely do not have erection problems, it's only with this girl i like. Thank you.
 
You're overthinking this and the whole scene.
You are probably too worried about perfect for her and trying to impress and generally stressing so that you doom yourself to failure even before you get started.
Also it sounds a bit like she's not really into it.
Maybe you need to get a bit more comfortable with her. Bet she farts too.
 
her behaviour and reactions are for you a trigger.

you said it yourself

maybe if she was more interested in sex you would feel less like everything is up to you. and then less responsibility and then less anxiety

if i'm having in a relationship and having sex with someone and they dont give a shit if it happens or not and dont initiate it then yes i would feel really fucking unsettled anyway erection or no erection
 
Thanks for the replies. I'm not one to blame someone else for my problems but yes I agree her behavior and sex experience is not helping the situation. She can be a starfish sometimes. I suppose all I can do is relax as much as possible and focus on her and not previous experiences. Just need to get comfortable with her. If anyone else has any suggestions, please mention them.
 
dunno how long it takes for you to get another erection. but couldnt you do it like this: you make out, you get hard, you kindly direct her mouth to your panties, she sucks, you cum (!), but then you say something like "now, its your turn" and go down on her. while doing this, you can get hard again, as it often takes a while for her to cum (well depends). so she comes, e voila you are hard again and ready to go again, no?
 
dipitch said:
dunno how long it takes for you to get another erection. but couldnt you do it like this: you make out, you get hard, you kindly direct her mouth to your panties, she sucks, you cum (!), but then you say something like "now, its your turn" and go down on her. while doing this, you can get hard again, as it often takes a while for her to cum (well depends). so she comes, e voila you are hard again and ready to go again, no?
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this
 
There's no rules to sex. If this girl is worthwhile then you'll find a way through this complication. Just be honest about your headfuck with her, no doubt she'll understand. Not like the female race doesn't suffer sex anxiety either, it just doesn't manifest the same way.

A cunning trick I've used in the past when these problems have caused me a headache is just to go down on my lady for as long as it takes for me to get into the right headspace. Works for four different reasons. 1. It's one hell of a turn on for me, 2. My hands are free to roam, 3. Self consciousness reduced and 4. I've got all the time in the world because there's not many girls who would complain.

Good luck, stop worrying about the tiny details. :)
 
Its funny how you're mentioning to go down on her. I tried going down on her once and I got the impression she didn't like it at all as she expressed no feelings/noise/movement and that got me totally out of the mood that night. Before you say I need practice, I was the only guy to get my ex off through oral. So is every girl different in applying techniques? And no she isn't ready to give oral yet unfortunately :(
 
Of course they're all different! Different strokes for different folks :D

Like I said, there's no rules. Embrace the weirdness, the awkwardness, and above all have a laugh! I think sex is hilarious, and should be laughed at. Save the serious side for when you're in love down the road a bit.
 
I too have been through this rough patch along the road of intimacy. So much has been written about it that I can hardly bring anything new to the table; however, I have undertaken a vitamin supplement program that has been paying big dividends. It requires a cash outlay up front, but it's well worth it. I think of it as giving my body all of the required support to reach maximum physical and hence sexual performance possible.

I have evaluated numerous male enhancement supps and have selected my top five: Yohimbe Plus (from Irwin Labs), Horny Goat Weed, and High-T (all 3 from Walgreens on-line), and Virectin and ASOX9 from their websites respectively. After a week or so of steady supp intake, you will achieve amazing results. One absolute mandate is that all jacking must stop. This causes you to derive all sexual pleasure from your partner, and will restore any penis sensitivity which may have been diminished as a result of jacking. It sounds like you have youth going for you, and would not need Sotto Pelle. You could certainly boost your T levels with that however.

In addition to the above, you must begin taking the usual OTC supps: A, B, BCAA, C, D, DHEA, E, fish oil, iron, magnesium, niacin, potassium, quercetin, and zinc, available at WalMart or CVS. Food alone nowadays just does not deliver enough of these minerals. Also, plenty of physical exercise such as running, biking and weight lifting will strengthen the mind and body, which translates into confidence in life and the bedroom. Did I mention no jacking? It essentially starts there, which primes your mind and body for the exhilarating and much anticipated sexual interlude with your partner, who is your only outlet for sexual pleasure. This whole sex thing is truly God's gift to man. It has helped me immensely to have His blessing, which I have found in the Old Testament book "Songs of Solomon", which gives the OK to ALL sex acts between man and woman. Chapters 2 and 5 are the most x-rated (oral, anal, precum, swallowing, etc.) Note: I am 58 and she is 54. We are having the best sex in the world and do it sometimes 3 times a day with full release, and do it everywhere i.e. beaches, parks, college campus, back yard, driveway, airport family bathrooms, car, you name it. My dick always rises to the occasion. It didn't always, then I got with the above program.
 
Steve88 said:
And no she isn't ready to give oral yet unfortunately :(
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Sounds like maybe its her then. You mentioned she on antidepressants. That shit is known to kill your libido and sexual function in both sexes. Maybe that's what's happening and it's making you have anxiety or second guess yourself.
 
I believe sex has to be 75% mental or more. Be confident, picture yourself pounding her, vocalize what you want to do to her, be loud when giving and receiving. All these things are a game changer.
 
Not ready to give oral? Get a new girlfriend. Uptight is never good for sexual confidence. You are worth feeling desired and wanted.
 
1) Go and buy a watermelon.

2) Cut it up and put it in a pot.

3) Add lemon juice.

4) Boil.

5) Cool Down.

6) Drink.

7) Thank me.
 
My husband has erectile dysfunction occasionally. More so when he is high. He has had numerous affairs through out our 4 year relationship. When we argue he tells me I'm the only one he has that problem with. He always apologizes later but the thought is at there jus hanging around in my head..he will do a shot of dope then try to have sex with me knowing it's probably not going to get hard so we can have intercourse. I always end up crying and he is screaming and yelling at me. He doesn't understand that the ongoing affairs and hurtful words leave me thinking that he just isn't attracted to me. The girls he cheats with are not attractive in any way and sometimes it is someo
 
debvin69 said:
My husband has erectile dysfunction occasionally. More so when he is high. He has had numerous affairs through out our 4 year relationship. When we argue he tells me I'm the only one he has that problem with. He always apologizes later but the thought is at there jus hanging around in my head..he will do a shot of dope then try to have sex with me knowing it's probably not going to get hard so we can have intercourse. I always end up crying and he is screaming and yelling at me. He doesn't understand that the ongoing affairs and hurtful words leave me thinking that he just isn't attracted to me. The girls he cheats with are not attractive in any way and sometimes it is someo
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I love this website with all my heart because its so comforting knowing that marriages like this exist. I always thought my relationship was hell on earth because my wife hates it when I look at pictures of women with bikinis on instagram and then come to find out you still love your husband even though he does drugs and cheats on you. I wish I would have married you. A woman like you is worth more than silver and gold. You endure bullshit with hopes that it will improve because you genuinely love your husband.....fuck I wish I would have married you. My wife refuses to have friends because she thinks they will have sex with me. She goes through my phone and email everyday and constantly accuses me of cheating and not being attracted to her for looking at pictures of women on the internet. You are a good woman and if your husband won't love you somebody will for sure because you have endurance and strong love.
 
Steve88 said:
Hi all,

New here, and I'm a little embarrassed on this topic to be very honest. Hoping someone can help from experience.

I'm 28 and been in a relationship with this girl for a few weeks now, been intimate for a few months before the relationship started. I really like this girl, will do anything for her and have never felt like this about anyone before. The issue is I have trouble maintaining an erection which I believe is caused by performance anxiety (or just stress in my life). During foreplay and general touching I will have a full erection but as we remove our clothes or when she starts touching below i can feel the anxiety starting. I then start to feel very excited as if I want to ejaculate but I have enough experience not to. This excitement and anxiety causes me to go flaccid. If this excitement feeling doesn't occur during foreplay, it will happen when entering her which causes me to pull out and then cannot get an erection again. There are times where I manage to stay in without needing to pull out which is a relief and the anxiety disappears. We then have a great session. It happens 50/50 of the time. The first 2 times we were intimate a few months ago, it was the total opposite. I would be fully erect, but struggled to orgasm and went for hours. Now that I really like her and have become closer, the anxiety is occurring, and it's really bothering me and worried she will leave, although she has mentioned it doesn't bother her. This is due to her being on anti-depressants and not fussed whether she gets action or not.


I have never experienced this before and I'm really confused. I've never had this issue with my ex girlfriend of 4 years, which I believe was because we were very comfortable with each other. The ex girlfriend was also more "into it" and took charge where the current girlfriend will never initiate it. When she senses i start going flaccid, she will seem uninterested anymore and this makes my confidence drop totally and i will not become erect again. How can i be myself again? I'm really worried because I definitely do not have erection problems, it's only with this girl i like. Thank you.
Click to expand...

Speaking from experience, your issue is 100% psychological.

Not 98%. Not 99%. 100%.

I read every word ever written and formulated every possible physical problem and solution I could conceive because I never used to believe there could be a simple solution but I finally was fortunate enough to cross paths with an ED/sexual performance doctor who very logically explained about the sympathetic/parasympathetic (read: fight or flight) systems in our body and I'm telling you: it was nothing short of miraculous. THAT NIGHT my performance anxiety disappeared.

It's so incredibly simple: focus on her. When you feel yourself mentally straying during sex, come back to her. It works.

Now, I will also say that at over 40 years of age, I'm also on Cialis Daily (for various reasons I think all men should be on at least 5mg of it), am extremely healthy and have devised my own cocktail or stack of herbs. Here are some of them: maca, Tribulus Terrestris, tongkat ali, ginseng, longjack, swedish flower pollen (one that many don't know about but used in conjunction with the next herb has amazing effects on load size - not anecdotal bullshit but proven), pygeum, etc. Also, I take 2x to 3x the recommended doses of these and cycle off of them for the first five days of every month.
 
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