seriously fucked up issue

[ChristBait]

Ok I'm not even sure if this thread belongs here but I posted a similar topic a few weeks ago and it ended up turning into a huge debate that kinda derailed the thread. This has been a recurring issue for me for the last few years but its only until recently that its gotten completely out of hand. The thread I posted was in regards to another thread that someone had started about being attracted to minors. Well, even though I don't consider myself a pedophile by any means, apparently I tend to come off as one to others. Its like conveyed in every thing I do and say. People just assume this about me because of my overall demeanor.
Here's the fucked up part. I just started this new job at a sign shop that's run by a guy and his wife. They have an 8 or 9 year old daughter that they used to bring to work all the time after she got off school, because they had noone to babysit her at home. So in the last couple weeks, I noticed that they don't bring her to work anymore and usually one of them will pick her up after school and just take her home and stay with her there. Thing is, because people assume I'm a pedophile, I always get really nervous around kids now. Not because I'm attracted to them, but because people think I might be. Now, you might think I'm jumping to conclusions here but my fears were confirmed a few days ago. I was sitting at my desk, which is next to my boss's desk, and there was a customer there that is a long-time client of mine that I've known for the last several years. My boss asked his wife if it was ok for him to bring their daughter there to work just for a little while because he had to go out. She said it was ok and then I heard my boss mumble, "well, Dave's here" and he said it with a genuine concern. Then my client says, "that guy right there, he only wants kids," but he said it in a way that obviously I wasn't supposed to hear. Then my boss said "yea". Needless to say I felt like shit after I heard that so I just went to the pub next door to get plastered.
Now I'm a total headcase and don't know what to do about this. I don't want to go so far as to quit my job. But I wouldn't even know where to begin to resolve this issue. I know I probably need to talk to a trained professional about it but I'm kinda limited in my resources right now.
And today one of my boss's friends came by and I think my boss might have already told him he suspects I'm some perverted pedophile, because when his younger son walked into the shop, I heard him tell his son that he didn't want him to go anywhere near my desk. And anytime theres kids in the shop, I get extremely uncomfortable now. Its like an instinctive reaction. I know this is such a sensitive topic that I don't even feel comfortable talking to anyone about it aside from maybe a trained therapist or anonymous bluelighters.
What would I even begin to do to resolve this?

 

[morpher001]

Figure out what it is you are doing that give people this impression of you. Maybe they don't think your a pedophile, just an unpredictable demeanor makes people reluctant to have their children and wives proximate with a person who is an unknown quantity.

You need to have detailed discussions with a trained therapist.

 

[GenericMind]

What would I even begin to do to resolve this?

Every time you've posted a thread in the past couples years I've read the entire thing and have given the same advice: You need to talk to a trained mental health professional and you need to keep seeing them. I've never personally talked to or read someone's posts that strike me more as someone exhibiting signs of paranoid schizophrenia than yours. Please try to seek out someone that can help you, because we can't.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Figure out what it is you are doing that give people this impression of you. Maybe they don't think your a pedophile, just an unpredictable demeanor makes people reluctant to have their children and wives proximate with a person who is an unknown quantity.

You need to have detailed discussions with a trained therapist.

Yup.

OP - That sounds really fucked up. I would find a new job, and then sue your boss for defamation of character and emotional trauma.

Nah just kidding - sort it out, sort your head out, and stay away from haters...just surround yourself with positive people - sunny sunny people.

Are you the one who gets paranoid at people talking about you, and follows them in your car? If so - please, just do what we all ask of you, and talk to someone and stop doing whatever drugs you might be doing - we don't wanna hear you been fucking sectioned for like 10 years brah, treat yourself with love, and others will do so in accordance, in good time.

 

[llama112]

Why do they think you're into kids? What are you doing that is making them think that?

I'm going to leave this thread open for a bit but keep an eye on it and make sure it stays on topic.

 

[michael]

Every time you've posted a thread in the past couples years I've read the entire thing and have given the same advice: You need to talk to a trained mental health professional and you need to keep seeing them. I've never personally talked to or read someone's posts that strike me more as someone exhibiting signs of paranoid schizophrenia than yours. Please try to seek out someone that can help you, because we can't.

exactly.

 

[ChristBait]

Thanks for the replies and its not that I'm disregarding people's advice about getting professional help. But as I've mentioned before, I don't have the resources to do that. I was seeing a psychologist for 5 years almost on a weekly basis but I kinda burned him out after a while and he stopped seeing me and referred me to an AoD counselor who I hardly get to see. And I don't even feel comfortable with bringing this issue up with that counselor because he might not even know how to handle it. So I'm at a complete loss as to where to turn now.

 

[Lysis]

Every time you've posted a thread in the past couples years I've read the entire thing and have given the same advice: You need to talk to a trained mental health professional and you need to keep seeing them. I've never personally talked to or read someone's posts that strike me more as someone exhibiting signs of paranoid schizophrenia than yours. Please try to seek out someone that can help you, because we can't.

Yes, this is good advice OP and he's posted it every time.

If you were known as a pedophile, I guarantee you they'd get rid of you, especially seeing as they have kids.

 

[hyroller]

Nah just kidding

pun intended?

I think you should solicit GM's advice, OP. whatever your situation is, there is a clear need for you to consult a specialist with whom you can discuss the things that are plaguing you in your life.

 

[verso]

Yup.

OP - That sounds really fucked up. I would find a new job, and then sue your boss for defamation of character and emotional trauma.

Nah just kidding...

Well I'm not, and I would certainly consider suing my employer if I thought that his unfounded suspicion of me resulted in some financial loss. If I knew that I wasn't being given more hours or overtime because of it, or if the work environment became so unfriendly and hostile that I found working difficult to do, eventually and essentially being pushed out of my job and made to quit.

But I'm also kind of a jerk, so suing your employer might not be the best idea...

 

[Miss Kirsty]

God, Id want to sue too!...That kind of slander if untrue and provable, and would definately get another job and sue..

But as for this thread, even though i dont know anything about you OP, others here seem too. So id go with their advice for you, It may be better that you dont confront them..And you continue getting hlep where ever you are...If you found a doc once for 5 years, why cant you find another? Whats stopping you using resources available for people with mental health issues....Others on this thread have known you way more than me and their advice would be far more beneficial for you...

 

[i against i]

OP as people have said, if your boss actually thought you were a pedophile, he would have fired you a long time ago, if i had kids and suspected a pedophile was working for me they'd be gone so fucking quick. seek professional help. you say you don't have resources, but i'm sure if you call up your local mental health service they will be able to recommend places where you can get subsidised or free treatment. this is important.

 

[Lysis]

Well I'm not, and I would certainly consider suing my employer if I thought that his unfounded suspicion of me resulted in some financial loss. If I knew that I wasn't being given more hours or overtime because of it, or if the work environment became so unfriendly and hostile that I found working difficult to do, eventually and essentially being pushed out of my job and made to quit.

But I'm also kind of a jerk, so suing your employer might not be the best idea...

Depends on the state in which you work. I believe the OP said he's in California. I'm in Florida, and Florida is a right to work state. Your employer can fire you for anything. As a matter of fact, there was an incident on the Friday before St. Patrick's Day here where a law firm fired everyone who wore orange that day. The reason? They wore orange in protest of a hostile work environment due to a certain manager. Even people who just happened to wear orange and weren't a part of the email were fired. Nothing they can do. In Florida, they can just decide they don't like you and fire you.

Plus, I truly doubt a judge would have much sympathy for an admitted pedophile if they decided to fire the guy or didn't give him overtime due to the safety of their child. I really doubt he would win over a judge in that respect.

You can sue for anything you want, but you might just be dropping $2k for nothing.

if i had kids and suspected a pedophile was working for me they'd be gone so fucking quick.

Same here. Go ahead and sue me, so I can bust your life up publicly. I've got nothing to hide other than firing a pedophile. The pedophile has more to lose than I do, so I'd just say "Game on."

 

[addictivepersona]

ChristBait, as others have suggested, I too suggest seeking out professional help. There are free/subsidized mental health professionals out there--You just might have to look a little harder and drive a little farther.

As far as the job situation, maybe for now, consider finding a job where you work with as few people/children as possible. Or a place where the interaction with each person is very short, like cashiering.

Best of luck. Keep us updated. :)

 

[michael]

anyone who thinks the OP is being slandered by his boss needs to take a look at some of his other threads. he needs a therapist, not a lawyer.

 

[Lysis]

anyone who thinks the OP is being slandered by his boss needs to take a look at some of his other threads. he needs a therapist, not a lawyer.

Needs repeating, really.

 

[verso]

Depends on the state in which you work. I believe the OP said he's in California. I'm in Florida, and Florida is a right to work state. Your employer can fire you for anything. As a matter of fact, there was an incident on the Friday before St. Patrick's Day here where a law firm fired everyone who wore orange that day. The reason? They wore orange in protest of a hostile work environment due to a certain manager. Even people who just happened to wear orange and weren't a part of the email were fired. Nothing they can do. In Florida, they can just decide they don't like you and fire you.

Plus, I truly doubt a judge would have much sympathy for an admitted pedophile if they decided to fire the guy or didn't give him overtime due to the safety of their child. I really doubt he would win over a judge in that respect.

You can sue for anything you want, but you might just be dropping $2k for nothing.

It would likely go to small claims court where you'll represent yourself and file the papers for ~ $75

I also live in an employment "at-will" state where employers have the right to fire an employee at any time and for any reason, supposedly. It's not true, and it didn't stop me from suing a past employer, and winning.

EDIT: I'm not saying that this guy could win, but that whole right to work and employment at will shit is bogus because, at the end of the day, discrimination in the work place is still discrimination in the work place; it's illegal and nothing changes that.

ANOTHER EDIT: Really, the way to think of it is more that your employer has the right to fire you without giving you the reason and not so much for any reason. In other words, your employer can bring you in and say, "yeah it's just not working out," and they need not provide any greater explanation. Hell, they can bring you in and simply say, "You're fired," and it's their right to do that, for sure.

But you have the right to make the case that the reason for your termination was discriminatory. Of course, even then, before a judge, your employer certainly has the right to hide behind, "Well, we don't need to give him a reason for why we fired him." But if you can make a strong case, and it's looking a lot like the reason for your termination was discriminatory, then yeah... you can win. So they'll probably change their tune pretty quickly...

In the real world, it won't even go that far. Your employer will sit down, crunch some numbers, realize pretty quickly that it will cost less to settle with you than it will to take you to court, they settle... and the whole mess is over with in a relatively short amount of time.

 

[ChristBait]

It never even crossed my mind to sue for any reason, even if he did fire me. I don't want to put a business into financial hardships because of my own inner demons. For now things have been ok because they have completely stopped bringing their daughter into the shop when I'm there. Coincidentally, about a month ago my boss hired a friend of a friend that just got out of prison after serving 8 years for his first offence. The guy never really bothered to tell my boss what he went down for, but noone ever asked either. Turns out we found out he went down for sexual assault, and the guy is a registered sex offender. So they fired his ass right away. And I overheard my boss talking to a friend in the shop one day about it, about how he can't have someone like that around his daughter. I think the only reason they haven't fired me yet is cuz they know they have full control over whether or not their daughter is around me, and he says I'm really hard to replace because I've done alot to help build his business.
As for getting professional help, the only way my old psych would consider seeing me again is if I go into long-term rehab...which to him is at least 6 months inpatient. I'm starting to think maybe full and total isolation from everyone is the answer to all my problems.

And for anyone thinking that this is all just in my head, lets just assume for a minute, for the sake of argument, that its not. I'm on a shit-ton of medications including anti-psychotics so its not like I hear voices and am overly delusional or paranoid. Even though the year long meth binge did a number on me, and for months after, I'd like to think I'm pretty sane for the most part.

I think since I'm starting to get back on my feet now (at least financially), I'm going to look into paying a private practice therapist. Even though it might cost an arm and a leg, I have far too many underlying issues that are going untreated.
Thank you everyone for all your great advice.

 

[Lysis]

It would likely go to small claims court where you'll represent yourself and file the papers for ~ $75

I also live in an employment "at-will" state where employers have the right to fire an employee at any time and for any reason, supposedly. It's not true, and it didn't stop me from suing a past employer, and winning.

EDIT: I'm not saying that this guy could win, but that whole right to work and employment at will shit is bogus because, at the end of the day, discrimination in the work place is still discrimination in the work place; it's illegal and nothing changes that.

ANOTHER EDIT: Really, the way to think of it is more that your employer has the right to fire you without giving you the reason and not so much for any reason. In other words, your employer can bring you in and say, "yeah it's just not working out," and they need not provide any greater explanation. Hell, they can bring you in and simply say, "You're fired," and it's their right to do that, for sure.

But you have the right to make the case that the reason for your termination was discriminatory. Of course, even then, before a judge, your employer certainly has the right to hide behind, "Well, we don't need to give him a reason for why we fired him." But if you can make a strong case, and it's looking a lot like the reason for your termination was discriminatory, then yeah... you can win. So they'll probably change their tune pretty quickly...

In the real world, it won't even go that far. Your employer will sit down, crunch some numbers, realize pretty quickly that it will cost less to settle with you than it will to take you to court, they settle... and the whole mess is over with in a relatively short amount of time.

I honestly doubt you'd have much ground to stand on when you walk in and tell a judge you were fired for being and admitted pedophile.

 

[verso]

I honestly doubt you'd have much ground to stand on when you walk in and tell a judge you were fired for being and admitted pedophile.

I never said he did have much ground to stand on, never suggested it or even implied it...

I was simply pointing out that the idea one can't win in a lawsuit against his or her employer because he or she lives in an at-will state is ludicrously false.

EDIT: I just wouldn't want anyone to think that they can be discriminated against and fired and there's nothing they can do about it...