Serious Mental Issues - You Could Help Someone Plus Very Interesting

[lariyn]

Ok long user of drugs sense i was in second grade. weed, coke/crack, heroin up until i reached 16 years old then dxm everyday it seemed with some breaks until 22 or so. after 16 is used everything from 2c-i, and dmt, to mdma and crack, cant forget nitrus, and ether.

I had a psychotic break i guess from what they say and was on haldol for over a year and half. they were sending signals thru tv, voices, hallusinations all the above and i see it that alot of what i thought was real atm may be fake now.

Question - I am not on meds, people are starting to start talking about me every where i go, and i have been hearing some voices, plus an episode of delusion of reference. Should i go get on meds, i dont know if i am really go insane, i think im fine, but as i get older i see that mental health is no joke. i use no drugs atm too so thats why i am like wtf before my previous episode i used mdma 4 times a week with at least 4 pills a drop with some shrooms to top it off. If i had my way i would be so fucked up i wouldnt really know where i am, i love that, asking everyone stuff like "Where am I," and "What am I on" I take getting fucked up as no joke. I cannot use because mental reasons, and i wish to program later in life i have been programming sense 7th grade and from what people say makes no sense how smart i am for what i have done.

So I go on meds? And does this sound like schizophrenia, as i understand it if your schizo you do not recover then have another episode right, you would just get worse and worse. sense i have been better than its prob Severe Bipolar with Psychotic Traits, any info I would love.

Plus i have no memory left, getting a bowl a cerial takes effort i as i loose the bowl at least 3 times before i get one bite. Once i finish a sentence its like gone wtf did i just say, forget what i am saying as i talk to. I walk around the couch in circles for hours, i am in hell from the akathesia from the haldol. I cannot use anymore because it is torture can anyone HELP? Last episode i couldnt find the gun to kill my self, please i do not want to get there again, as i am not depressed atm but still do not want to go down that road. Please SOMEONE HELP!

i talked to some docs yesterday, friday. they told me im not bad enough to be readmitted. Like im not psychotic, ill tell you that 100%. just feels like filter on brain is broke and i experience everything all at same time and stuff gets mixxed up. antipschotics only thing that helps which is only reason i take them.

 

[Khain]

Sounds a lot like what I've been experiencing although for not as long and not to the same degree, but if I continue to do what I am doing I will be in the same boat. Things that make my symptoms worse are blow and lack of sleep. Lay off the drugs and stick to a daily schedule again and all the bad things will start to go away. Your brain needs time to rewire so let it do so in good conditions. Especially if you are doing any coke now, that has to stop.

 

[lariyn]

yes i need to be stable, and lack of sleep with even atm streight away BAM hallusinations and delusions, last time i went with low sleep i thought people were invading my home omfg i was freaking the fuck out so hard this shit is real and scares the shit out of you if your not ready at the drop of a hat for anything. O man when you say lack of sleep i feel ya, that is also why ima thinking wtf ima not psychotic, its just ima super susceptible to psychotic stuff, althought some stuff i told people i know recently say it is not normal, i guess ima the only one who has people following them around with everyone they go around keeps talking about me abstractly it might just be coincidence of different events.

plus ive been brain washed, have a lock on me, stupid gangsters are trying to get me, feel like im in a box if you understand that! did what i just say sound a little crazy, does to me just you have to live it! Only asking here cause at family house i get threatened by everyone there, they do not like helping someone who is not psychotic like IM FAKING THIS SHIT! well thanks for info!

And BTW it is so hard to think that while driving this morning i was going between 65-75mph, as i usuually drive 75. My car hit the dirt and rotated slightly then BAM rolled so many times just a blur i do not want to exagerate but at least 4 times, and over 8 rolls would not suprise me, man once it started rolling there was no end. I rolled down the side of a hill no joke pollice and everyone who helped could not understand wtf how i was walking around even. walked away but totaled my car. i cannot explain how crazy that was.

 

[n3ophy7e]

i talked to some docs yesterday, friday. they told me im not bad enough to be readmitted. Like im not psychotic, ill tell you that 100%. just feels like filter on brain is broke and i experience everything all at same time and stuff gets mixxed up. antipschotics only thing that helps which is only reason i take them.

Hi lariyn, firstly I must say it's really good that you're aware of the changes that are occurring in you and that you know something's not right. That is a really good position to be in.

You really need to persist seeing medical professionals until this gets sorted out though. You said you spoke to some doctors on Friday, what context was that in? Perhaps it might be worth taking it back a couple of steps and just see a GP and explain the situation to them. Then you might be able to get a referral to a psychiatric specialist, because they are the type of doctor who will probably be of most use to you right now. You can then hopefully get a proper diagnosis and be assigned a medium- to long-term treatment plan. As the doctors who you spoke to on Friday said, you're not at the stage where you should be admitted yet, because you're not psychotic. BUT you must do something about this now, before your symptoms get worse.

Lastly, I will say that please don't think of it as "going insane" or anything like that. If you have a psychological disorder, you're not crazy, it's just that something is functioning a bit abnormally in your brain. The brain is an organ like everything else in the human body and sometimes it needs help to function to its correct potential.

Let us know how you're going okay? Take care

 

[lariyn]

ill stay posted very pleased to say the least from my responses, and btw does everyone go thru

I first started at private physician, then therapist, then some private doc. Couldnt afford so moved to megelin, how ever you spell it, at terros over here. Then after first psychotic break, i think it is the state but who knows, set me up thru SMI. Talked to the people at the observation unit, then they sent me to my social worker, and she sent me talk to a nurse for the rest of the info. Moved thru the system to get where im at.

And if this is not real, may be real. You cannot tell me i did not experience it, but everyone keeps telling me there is no mic in my car and all this stuff, what do they know. That is what i mean that i cannot talk to my family cause they think im crazy so im locked out of those people in my life. Today when the bomb that was planted in my car did not go off in my accident and there as no bomb or mics equipment that is when i was really like HMM ill get looked out they should know if im ok. Only thing really that is sending telling me something is wrong is memory, i heard voices and mid experience they real. However following day i was like no one was home, this is strange, they mofia may be coming back to finish me off why did they fail the first time.

Hope i am not rocking my self back and forth for over a year waiting for them to come and kill me, cannot explain what it feels like to have your life almost taken out of your hands, i was not ganna give it up. I would kill my self before that, and that will never happen cause if i go downhill in my perspective then ill check my self into, plus try to kill my self on drugs too so i can spot some signs that stuff is getting worse, and everyone i come into contact with i told them enough so they can keep and eye out so ima say.

Yeah freak out to this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6F7AYlHZyM it will change your world not ganna link bunch of songs, but jpop and death metal go in hand!

n3ophy7e - your responses is wounderfull thanks for info, and no tear need be shed for me as im not special or anything but i hardened up alot over the years, just remember and be happy your alive, every go and learn something today, recently taught my self pre-calc and a year and a half of cal past that from my friend giving me info from the math he did getting engineer, then taught my self physics, and my friend from school landed a degree in physics and one in computer sciences. Continue learning new, and more, seems to be bet cure. Continue processing information, stimuli, until your brain picks up the pattern and you begin to recover. just give in, as the ride will be fun, i performance!

 

[lariyn]

ok once again believe i said this, that ima not crazy just they brain washed me, and that led to voices and hallusinations, but im in no way crazy majority of what docs said are delusions are visible in plain sight, even for a blind man!

 

[lariyn]

ok once again believe i said this, that ima not crazy just they brain washed me, and that led to voices and hallusinations, but im in no way crazy majority of what docs said are delusions are visible in plain sight, even for a blind man! wow i just sent over half an hour, maybe like 45 minutes, just to do once post i cannot remember ANYTHING.

Mental processes around the board are down, concentration and memory is so bad please someone make a perfect mem drug!, but cuoldnt do really high level tought. took me almost 25 minutes responses up.

 

[Khain]

recently taught my self pre-calc and a year and a half of cal past that from my friend giving me info from the math he did getting engineer, then taught my self physics, and my friend from school landed a degree in physics and one in computer sciences. Continue learning new, and more, seems to be bet cure. Continue processing information, stimuli, until your brain picks up the pattern and you begin to recover. just give in, as the ride will be fun, i performance!

This! Man that is pretty smart, keep it up! You will readjust and learning those things will DEFINITELY help improve your memory. It has helped me tremendously and I'm happy to see it being a good recovery tool for others as well. Having self discipline is a must, but things just become easier to pick up, understand and remember after practicing over and over.

 

[xxkcxx]

I'm having a little bit of a hard time understanding your posts...they seem to be all over the place.


Could you be in a manic episode? Are you noticing that you don't need as much sleep? Are you feeling more creative? Talking faster? Racing thoughts? The lack of short term memory you talk about seems like you are having racing thoughts--they can often manifest as being scatterbrained.

If so, you could definitely be having a manic episode with psychotic symptoms.

I think you need to see a psychiatrist to get this all sorted out. At the very least, get an assessment done by one.

 

[badandwicked]

laryin, there's no mafia, no mic's and no bombs, its all 100% your illness. And there is no one coming to kill you, that I promise too. I know it's not easy for you to believe, so I hope you find the help you need soon and can truly relax. I'm pleased & amazed you walked away uninjured from that car wreck, thats one of your 9 lives gone for sure.

 

[psytaco]

Hi Lariyn,

I'm not a psychologist but have studied it extensively at university. it sounds like you may be having another psychotic episode (similiar to schizophrenia). The microphones, thinking people are out to get you, hearing the voices. Remember that these are not real and are part of the illness.

Also the scattered way you are typing an thinking is all part of the psychosis too. These symptoms are called thought disorder, if you want to look it up. The problems wiht memory may also be associated with thought disorder.
There are a few things you can do:

1) firstly, I would go back to your GP and ask for a referal to a psychiatrist. They can then talk to you about whether they think you should go back on medication and get treatment.

2) cease all drug use. If it is something like benzos or opiates, then I don't suggest you stop because the withdrawal symptoms from them will make it worse. However, amphetamines, cocaine, marijuana, psychedelics (shrooms, acid, the 2-cs etc). can all trigger psychosis and make the symptoms worse for people with psychosis.

3) Taking 4 pills of MDMA several times a week at once, in addition to shrooms is not healthy. This could of been what triggered another episode. In the future, when you become healthy again, if you do use drugs (which I don;t suggest you do due to mental health reasons) you need to keep it to moderation. Using that amount of drugs is just asking for trouble.

4) remember that about 1% of the population is going through what you are going through 9psychosis or schizophrenia). It happens to some people. Mental illness is a normal thing and most people will suffer some sort of mental illness during their life time. I myself have suffered, and continue to suffer. You are not alone, and you are not crazy. Please go seek help though, it will only make you better.

good luck.

 

[lariyn]

omfg can someone help, they are following me again. they are trying to kill me, and they keep taking me around the square. i was talking to people who were not there at the psych ward people asking me if i am ok and im like forget what ever im saying. the docs just sent me home, im freaking the fuck out they are coming for me! wtf should i do the cops are working with them i cannot go to them im fucked!!!! they making me go insane i cant handle this shit what should i do?

 

[psytaco]

omfg can someone help, they are following me again. they are trying to kill me, and they keep taking me around the square. i was talking to people who were not there at the psych ward people asking me if i am ok and im like forget what ever im saying. the docs just sent me home, im freaking the fuck out they are coming for me! wtf should i do the cops are working with them i cannot go to them im fucked!!!! they making me go insane i cant handle this shit what should i do?

Firstly, no one is out to hurt you. You are being paranoid and having delusions because you are having a psychotic episode.

Go tell your family or trusted friends what is going on.

Also go to the hospital and explain that you are having a psychotic episode and that you need help.

don't take anymore drugs.

 

[Depressicaa]

Hey bro, its all going to be okay.
They aren't there. Please don't hurt yourself. I suffer the same problems sometimes from smoking weed, and I take benzos for that reason. Its hard to talk to even me in that state, so I don't want to tell you that it isn't real, its real in your mind because you make it real.

They aren't recording you. stay with a close friend if possible. They will probably know what to say.

 

[lariyn]

well im on seriquel now. im doing better. its just when i started hallusinating the first time i always had severe panic attacks for days and didnt sleep for 9 day streight sometimes in panic attacks all day and night. while hallusinating and seeing palice sirens everywhere and in my house and i threw all my shit away destrotyed everything and would not eat because i believed they were poinsining my food. so im am scared of going back to that state. i was seeing my self go south before this. but im on seriuqel now and im better thank all.