Wow I knew stopping oxy was going to be incredibly hard and I thought I had the strength to quit. I was at a point where I wanted to quit - was tired of so many of the things that go along with a 150mg a day habit. So right now I'm on day 5 of no oxy but I have been using suboxone. My plan with the subs was to use them to get through the WD from oxy and then taper off suboxone, hopefully only using it for at most 10 days. But I've had such intense cravings today and that makes me wonder how in the world I'm going to be able to maintain sobriety for any decent length of time, much less forever which was/is my intention when I quit. God the mental aspect of this is THE worst thing to be up against each day. Thankfully the cravings aren't constant but in a way I feel like the thought to use is always somewhere on my mind, whether it's all I can think about or just a minor thought in the back of my mind. I'm hoping that as more time goes by, the easier things will get, although I do realize this is something I will always battle. How do people get through this? How long before things start to ease up even just a tiny bit?
Serious doubts about recovery
- Thread starter 2dark2see
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Stickman Roxy
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I have been trying to get off opiates for a good 2 years now and have been through probably hundreds of withdrawals... I can't shake it on my own. I have an appointment this week with an addiction specialist and physiatrist in hopes of getting on Suboxone legit for as long as I see fit.
I think the problem with me is I've done many sub tapers but as soon as I'm "clean" my situation and mind take me back to my DOC to shut that shit down.
I suppose you have to be 100% ready to quit and have the proper support system and situation to become truly clean and could very well do it on your own with a sub taper.
There will be much wiser advice to come but that's my 2. Oh yeah, cravings... I haven't made it that far yet.
I think the problem with me is I've done many sub tapers but as soon as I'm "clean" my situation and mind take me back to my DOC to shut that shit down.
I suppose you have to be 100% ready to quit and have the proper support system and situation to become truly clean and could very well do it on your own with a sub taper.
There will be much wiser advice to come but that's my 2. Oh yeah, cravings... I haven't made it that far yet.
simco
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Welcome. And congrats on 5 days!!
Yeah, the psychological aspect of quitting dope is brutal. Every day is still a struggle for me. It will get better (or so I'm told)... but it's a slow process. Try to be very patient with yourself. There are several threads on this forum right now where you can find people discussing concrete ways to fight cravings. But my best advice is twofold:
* Don't skimp on how much energy you bring to your recovery. This shit is hard, and half-measures tend to fizzle out. Be ready to fight hard...but also be
realistic and kind to yourself if you happen to slip up. In fact, always be kind to yourself when it comes to recovery.
* Figure out what works for *you*. You'll find lots of folks in the recovery world who want to tell you how to clean up. But at the end of the day, quitting opioids
is profoundly personal...when you find something that helps you, hang onto it and keep at it.
More concretely, a few suggestions:
* Don't do this alone. It helps tremendously to have a strong support network. This might be made of friends/family, or might come from a support group such
as NA, etc... it sure is nice to know someone has your back.
* Take good care of your body. Exercise, good sleep and good eating will help your headspace tremendously. Even if you don't want to exercise, do give it a shot.
It's amazing how helpful it is.
* Avoid unstructured time. Again, easier said than done. But, especially in early recovery, you're on thin ice if you're spending lots of time alone at loose ends.
Best luck. Keep us in the loop!
Sim
Yeah, the psychological aspect of quitting dope is brutal. Every day is still a struggle for me. It will get better (or so I'm told)... but it's a slow process. Try to be very patient with yourself. There are several threads on this forum right now where you can find people discussing concrete ways to fight cravings. But my best advice is twofold:
* Don't skimp on how much energy you bring to your recovery. This shit is hard, and half-measures tend to fizzle out. Be ready to fight hard...but also be
realistic and kind to yourself if you happen to slip up. In fact, always be kind to yourself when it comes to recovery.
* Figure out what works for *you*. You'll find lots of folks in the recovery world who want to tell you how to clean up. But at the end of the day, quitting opioids
is profoundly personal...when you find something that helps you, hang onto it and keep at it.
More concretely, a few suggestions:
* Don't do this alone. It helps tremendously to have a strong support network. This might be made of friends/family, or might come from a support group such
as NA, etc... it sure is nice to know someone has your back.
* Take good care of your body. Exercise, good sleep and good eating will help your headspace tremendously. Even if you don't want to exercise, do give it a shot.
It's amazing how helpful it is.
* Avoid unstructured time. Again, easier said than done. But, especially in early recovery, you're on thin ice if you're spending lots of time alone at loose ends.
Best luck. Keep us in the loop!
Sim
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
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Have you ever though about spending some time, say six months, in an outpatient program that uses buprenorphine and therapy/counseling to treat opioid use disorder?
It sounds like the OP will need more support than just an unsupervised ten day buprenorphine taper.
It sounds like the OP will need more support than just an unsupervised ten day buprenorphine taper.
Thank you all for your advice, it really is much appreciated. Right now I'm considering using the suboxone long term. I'm worried that if I'm having cravings like this while I'm on suboxone, how bad will they get once I'm off?! I don't know that I have that kind of strength to resist going back to oxys. Damn those stupid little blue pills!! A friend has offered to take me to his suboxone doc to see about getting my own rx. Of course at this point I don't know if he is even accepting patients so I don't know about that option yet. In the mean time I do have access to enough subs to last me about 6 weeks and I'm considering taking advantage of that opportunity.
It's been interesting, and confusing, to read through threads about suboxone- so many mixed opinions about staying on that med for the long term. It seems like people are either totally for it or passionately against it. I guess it comes down to what I feel is best for me.... I just wish I knew what that was!! Ah well, here's to the start of day 6 with no oxy -
It's been interesting, and confusing, to read through threads about suboxone- so many mixed opinions about staying on that med for the long term. It seems like people are either totally for it or passionately against it. I guess it comes down to what I feel is best for me.... I just wish I knew what that was!! Ah well, here's to the start of day 6 with no oxy -
simco
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Hey, man... if suboxone feels like it'll help you stay off dope, I say, godspeed! Don't overthink it. Though like @TPD, I do recommend that you pair MMT with a well-structured recovery program of some sort.
Thanks for that... I think you're right, I have been overthinking things a lot.
I took 2mg sub before work this morning and then just took 2 more mg suboxone. I didn't physically feel as though I needed that last mg (think I would've been fine at 3mg) but mentally my mind started screwing with me and I took that one last mg. I will not go over 4mg/day but I guess part of me had hoped I'd be tapering down on the subs and not maintaining (I took 4mg total yesterday also). I'm not sure if I'm just being too hard on myself bc I know this is only day 6 of being clean from snorting 150mg/day oxy. And I'm still going back and forth on what to do about the long term and use or not use suboxone. Although actually I think if I'm truly honest with myself deep down I know I probably won't make it very far if I were to stop the subs.
I took 2mg sub before work this morning and then just took 2 more mg suboxone. I didn't physically feel as though I needed that last mg (think I would've been fine at 3mg) but mentally my mind started screwing with me and I took that one last mg. I will not go over 4mg/day but I guess part of me had hoped I'd be tapering down on the subs and not maintaining (I took 4mg total yesterday also). I'm not sure if I'm just being too hard on myself bc I know this is only day 6 of being clean from snorting 150mg/day oxy. And I'm still going back and forth on what to do about the long term and use or not use suboxone. Although actually I think if I'm truly honest with myself deep down I know I probably won't make it very far if I were to stop the subs.
Well I'm at the start of day 7... couple weeks ago I never thought I'd make it this far without giving in to oxy. And I'm also surprised that in the short time that has passed since I last used that my cravings aren't as strong. Well the cravings are still there but the part that was really getting to me was missing the whole ritual so to speak of how I used to use. I used to sniff the oxys and always used the same table and stuff to crush the pills, and for some reason I was really missing that part of things.... don't know why, maybe bc it was a part of my day, 5 times a day, for so long and it always led to the high. Anyway, I've found that now that particular pattern has been broken for a week it's not in the forefront of my mind anymore, thank god! I plan on going from 4mg sub to 3mg today... so here's to day 7!
simco
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it's crazy how strong the rituals that surround our using can be. i miss all kinds of seemingly random things from the motions i used to go through. it's good, though, that you recognize those landmarks for what they are...be careful around them.
great luck on day 7!
Moreaux
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You're doing great! Early recovery is very difficult. Try to stay focused. You've received some excellent suggestions. I think you really should consider a six-month outpatient program and he may also want to consider getting on the Vivitrol shot as it significantly reduces cravings and anxiety. In some cases it completely eliminates cravings. What you are feeling is completely normal but fortunately it begins to get significantly better.
I originally considered an outpatient program but decided against it mainly bc I've done so many programs in the past, both inpatient/residential and outpatient. They were always for either depression or anorexia or both but never for substance abuse. But overall they tend to cover the same type of info and tools and it's sad bc I feel like I know all of the info needed to put sobriety into action, it's just the whole "knowing and doing are two different things" that is the hard part. I'm on day 8 of no oxy and trying to taper the suboxone. The first 2-3 days I was having intense cravings for doing oxy "just one last time" or even thinking what would a couple more days of oxys hurt... but that intense craving has lessened, which I know is in part due to the subs (although I'm on half the dose of subs that I was when I started).
I just started a new job (actually I started the subs/stopped the oxy during my first week at work) and this new job has greatly helped with keeping me busy and keeping my mind from going back to oxys. I'm not going to lie, if I had some oxys I think I'd probably use them, but I'm not going to go out of my way to my dealer to get them. I actually have about 25 norcos and I've had them this whole time with no huge desire to take them. Im hanging on to them for now bc I'm afraid of being stuck in WD someday and will at least have something to help with it. As time goes by and I'm off the subs and back to daily life I know I'll have to get rid of them bc without the sub cushion I know I can't have any opiates in my place bc I'll use them in a second.
But that's how things are going so far, now on day 8. This website and everyone on it has been so helpful - thank you! I hope to be able to return the favor to others as I get more time clean
I just started a new job (actually I started the subs/stopped the oxy during my first week at work) and this new job has greatly helped with keeping me busy and keeping my mind from going back to oxys. I'm not going to lie, if I had some oxys I think I'd probably use them, but I'm not going to go out of my way to my dealer to get them. I actually have about 25 norcos and I've had them this whole time with no huge desire to take them. Im hanging on to them for now bc I'm afraid of being stuck in WD someday and will at least have something to help with it. As time goes by and I'm off the subs and back to daily life I know I'll have to get rid of them bc without the sub cushion I know I can't have any opiates in my place bc I'll use them in a second.
But that's how things are going so far, now on day 8. This website and everyone on it has been so helpful - thank you! I hope to be able to return the favor to others as I get more time clean
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
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When you step back and think for a sec, it is kinda funny that we talk about Recovery like there is any consensus on what it actually is. Most people seem to assume Recovery involves abstinence, but in the harm reduction community we see every day how this isn't necessarily true.
What we actually mean when we talk about Recovery generally has, in a sort of twisted, almost ironic way, very little to do with substance use. I argue that big "R" recovery has a lot more to do with the struggle to overcome the discrimination, stigma and marginalization that comes with being labeled or treated like an addict.
What we actually mean when we talk about Recovery generally has, in a sort of twisted, almost ironic way, very little to do with substance use. I argue that big "R" recovery has a lot more to do with the struggle to overcome the discrimination, stigma and marginalization that comes with being labeled or treated like an addict.