5meoh
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2012
- Messages
- 50
Hey,
This one will be a boring one for anyone looking for teenage heart on sleeve shit.
The person I'm with now and me have been trying to make things work for a long time, I've attended counselling sessions with 3 different organizations with her (in my opinion it felt like she was shopping for one that would agree with 'her' but I could be wrong in that assumption).
So today was the big one that really got me going, I attended her meeting with her psych (she's Bipolar), I've just recovered from a major operation so it was really hard to make it out but I came for the effort of it all. The last time she saw this individual my partner was very upset about how irrational her though process was and I agreed, however today I joined her in her session again and our relationship came up. I personally think that its not a DRs job to tell me or my partner that we have to open a joint bank account within 48 hours. She's also previously stated she would call child services if I didnt take time off work to help out with the kids (Ive taken 6 weeks off because of her thread and not wanting to deal with them). I just don't get how a professional could make such a demand, furthermore she stated I might have some sort of personality problem and should see a Psyc and referred to me as "ill" for the remainder of the conversation. I felt like telling her off but I just took it with a grain of salt being comfortable with my position as a person in good mental health.
The reason I start with this story is things have been hard lately, Ive been working huge hours taking care of the complex IT infrastructure of a fairly large corporation by myself, and my personal city had a large IT bubble burst so I'm making 50% what I was 4 years ago. I pay child support, my car payments and my lawyer fees from my divorce a few years back (weird situation; the short is that me and 3 friends long time gf's/fiances left us for a group of people they met out at a "girls night") and eventually all of us found out our respective partners were cheating or whatever. So I'm absolutely broke after I pay my bills and rent, She has a child with a deadbeat who doesnt pay child support so I also support her daughter.
This situation this morning was what felt like the breaking point, I've seen a DR since getting clean from Opiates 5 years ago, he even attended court on my behalf to advise of my intelligence, capability to take care of my son and my reasoning skills and coping skills post addiction treatment. i explained to my partner that it really offends me that this person would "diagnose" me without knowing me, my history or anything to do about me and that I was concerned about her actual professional abilities. My ex of course jumped on this as something to use out of spite in arguements and is now forcing me to get a joint bank account with her, even though she wont even make a simple call to the local legal aid office to get child support from her ex... I basically said listen, these are the things that make me who I am (I dont need to go into it), then explained that she knew my lifestyle and beliefs long before we got together (I've known her over 10 years) but she seems to wnat to force me to change into something she's (in my opinion) making up as she goes along. I'm not saying I'm a dope dealing gun runner, but for example I consider myself a philosophical pagan, the type of people I look up to are people like Lou Reed, David Bowie, Alexander Shulgin etc, I play in a moderately good band (we break about even if you put gear and transpo in the mix) and I believe in a more bohemian lifestyle but dont force it on others. I think that should give an idea what I'm like etc, when we met she seemed to share these same types of ideals and passions but as time went on it seems everythings about money money money.
The reason I'm posting this is I'm lost on what to do, my son loves her daughter, they're best friends, I have a child with her (since had a vasectomy), I dont want to be with anyone else or anything, in fact I had become celibate before I met her and was deep into touring at the time and trying to remain sober and get over my ex wife, so I feel like me leaving is going to hurt my son more than anything, if we didn't have a kid together I would find it easier to say lets live in different houses for a while and see what happens. Ive done all I can trying to drive everyone everywhere and be a provider but when the rare moments come that I can for example work on my car with a friend I get in a hell of shit after, there's always hell to pay after a moment of being out with someone other than her. I know that Bipolar disorder is hard to deal with and I'm trying to be supportive but I'm losing faith in my ability to cope with the stress.
I dont know that this will make much sense, trying to condense such a big life problem into a singular post is very very hard, basically, I dont know where to stay or go, are we better off apart? Sometimes I think so, but then I think of my son and hit brother, hit step sister, the effects on the family. I just, I feel trapped and I've already been over so many hurdles in life, I've lost my family once before when I was a serious user and perhaps the actual love of my life in my ex, I overcame being a junkie on methadone, I overcame my parents strokes and heart attacks and I've gone from losing it all (house/car/wife/kids) back to having it back but fuck man, I dont want to be the one that wants to leave and its this internal battle of do I assimilate or do I leave.. (took a while to get there, but I suppose thats the real question)..
*sigh*... if you read all that I'd give you a fiver if I could afford too lol.
This one will be a boring one for anyone looking for teenage heart on sleeve shit.
The person I'm with now and me have been trying to make things work for a long time, I've attended counselling sessions with 3 different organizations with her (in my opinion it felt like she was shopping for one that would agree with 'her' but I could be wrong in that assumption).
So today was the big one that really got me going, I attended her meeting with her psych (she's Bipolar), I've just recovered from a major operation so it was really hard to make it out but I came for the effort of it all. The last time she saw this individual my partner was very upset about how irrational her though process was and I agreed, however today I joined her in her session again and our relationship came up. I personally think that its not a DRs job to tell me or my partner that we have to open a joint bank account within 48 hours. She's also previously stated she would call child services if I didnt take time off work to help out with the kids (Ive taken 6 weeks off because of her thread and not wanting to deal with them). I just don't get how a professional could make such a demand, furthermore she stated I might have some sort of personality problem and should see a Psyc and referred to me as "ill" for the remainder of the conversation. I felt like telling her off but I just took it with a grain of salt being comfortable with my position as a person in good mental health.
The reason I start with this story is things have been hard lately, Ive been working huge hours taking care of the complex IT infrastructure of a fairly large corporation by myself, and my personal city had a large IT bubble burst so I'm making 50% what I was 4 years ago. I pay child support, my car payments and my lawyer fees from my divorce a few years back (weird situation; the short is that me and 3 friends long time gf's/fiances left us for a group of people they met out at a "girls night") and eventually all of us found out our respective partners were cheating or whatever. So I'm absolutely broke after I pay my bills and rent, She has a child with a deadbeat who doesnt pay child support so I also support her daughter.
This situation this morning was what felt like the breaking point, I've seen a DR since getting clean from Opiates 5 years ago, he even attended court on my behalf to advise of my intelligence, capability to take care of my son and my reasoning skills and coping skills post addiction treatment. i explained to my partner that it really offends me that this person would "diagnose" me without knowing me, my history or anything to do about me and that I was concerned about her actual professional abilities. My ex of course jumped on this as something to use out of spite in arguements and is now forcing me to get a joint bank account with her, even though she wont even make a simple call to the local legal aid office to get child support from her ex... I basically said listen, these are the things that make me who I am (I dont need to go into it), then explained that she knew my lifestyle and beliefs long before we got together (I've known her over 10 years) but she seems to wnat to force me to change into something she's (in my opinion) making up as she goes along. I'm not saying I'm a dope dealing gun runner, but for example I consider myself a philosophical pagan, the type of people I look up to are people like Lou Reed, David Bowie, Alexander Shulgin etc, I play in a moderately good band (we break about even if you put gear and transpo in the mix) and I believe in a more bohemian lifestyle but dont force it on others. I think that should give an idea what I'm like etc, when we met she seemed to share these same types of ideals and passions but as time went on it seems everythings about money money money.
The reason I'm posting this is I'm lost on what to do, my son loves her daughter, they're best friends, I have a child with her (since had a vasectomy), I dont want to be with anyone else or anything, in fact I had become celibate before I met her and was deep into touring at the time and trying to remain sober and get over my ex wife, so I feel like me leaving is going to hurt my son more than anything, if we didn't have a kid together I would find it easier to say lets live in different houses for a while and see what happens. Ive done all I can trying to drive everyone everywhere and be a provider but when the rare moments come that I can for example work on my car with a friend I get in a hell of shit after, there's always hell to pay after a moment of being out with someone other than her. I know that Bipolar disorder is hard to deal with and I'm trying to be supportive but I'm losing faith in my ability to cope with the stress.
I dont know that this will make much sense, trying to condense such a big life problem into a singular post is very very hard, basically, I dont know where to stay or go, are we better off apart? Sometimes I think so, but then I think of my son and hit brother, hit step sister, the effects on the family. I just, I feel trapped and I've already been over so many hurdles in life, I've lost my family once before when I was a serious user and perhaps the actual love of my life in my ex, I overcame being a junkie on methadone, I overcame my parents strokes and heart attacks and I've gone from losing it all (house/car/wife/kids) back to having it back but fuck man, I dont want to be the one that wants to leave and its this internal battle of do I assimilate or do I leave.. (took a while to get there, but I suppose thats the real question)..
*sigh*... if you read all that I'd give you a fiver if I could afford too lol.
