Mental Health Self medicating / going to see a psychiatrist

[EducatedMandy]

Hey guys, I am seeing a psychoanalyst and during the last six months my mental health has deteriorated significantly. As the analysis has progressed I have become more aware of the severity of my situation and now recently upon moving back in with my parents I have found myself unaware to sleep, quite agrophobic, somewhat delusional/paranoid and having panic attacks.

I have always been anxious and paranoid and I have always self medicated in the form of heavy drinking. I stopped drinking a few years ago when I started the therapy.

These panic attacks and the inability to sleep have totally floored me. I have been using xanax maybe a bar a week, spread out into little crumbs here and there or a full half miligram when I have a really bad night.

Now I know you guys are going to say go see a doctor but this is exactly what I have avoided all this time, I have had terrible migraines and chronic fatigue, I have had delusional thoughts and agraphobia and I have intense feelings of self hatred and the desire to kill myself but I just chalked it up to underlying symtoms in my psyche that I am in the process of working through in the analysis. I have either adapted to it or just sweated it out.

Anyway. Now I am starting to take the fact that I need some sort of medication seriously and was considering the pros and cons of self medicating with xanax and choosing to become depended albeit to a light dose or go and get refered to a psychiatrist and probably get given an SSRI or Quietipine or something..

The doctors dont hand out benzos in the UK for cases like mine I don't suppose and my analyst dropped the name of an atypical anti-psychotic - Quietipine to me the other day as an alternative when I was complianing about my fear of becoming dependant on xanax... I dont know how this system works at all but I assume that she as a working analyst may have some sway over the decision of what I am given. So perphaps they would put me on quietipine.

I guess my fear here comes from a distrust of the instituion of psychiatry and having read about the long term possible side effects and mindnumbing potentials of anti-psychotics like quietipine.

Sorry for the long post, I guess my question is this: It is better to go see a doctor, be truthful with them about how I am feeling and just accept that they know best and take whatever medicine they throw at me. Or is it better, living in a country without prescribed benzos for this sort mental illness, to just buy (and test) a bulk order of xanax and self medicate.

I just want to look after myself better. I have had a rough time.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Some of the symptoms you mention don’t respond to Xanax or could be exacerbated by it. Such as your delusional thoughts. Xanax is also contraindicated chronic fatigue and for heavy drinkers. It is dangerous to mix with alcohol. It is also a pretty sketchy drug in general, given the capacity to make you do all kinds of weird shit while blacked out. I once took some and went to bed only to wake up in a car crash miles from my home. It is also extremely habit forming and a bitch to detox from. Online supplies of it are usually some other benzo rather than the real thing.

Benzos might be a strategy if you just want to blob and pretend there’s nothing wrong with you for a while. They’ll mask your underlying conditions but only temporarily and you’ll run Tinto complications as you inevitably get tolerant and increase the dose.

As someone with multiple co-morbid issues, I would suggest your best bet is going to see a doctor and then a psychiatrist. Get a full medical done with all the relevant bloodwork to see if something physical is causing migraines and fatigue. From what you have described I suspect a psychiatrist would try you on an anti-psychotic or maybe an SSRI and an anti-psychotic together.

Despite the name, anti-psychotics are very helpful drugs for people who are not actually psychotic. I take one for bi-polar disorder and it controls mania and intrusive thoughts / anxiety. Quietipine is very good for agitated people who have trouble sleeping but it has noticeable weight gain side effects for most people. Normally, people will trial several different drugs / combinations until the find the one that really works for them. It took me about 2 years of trial and error to get my meds right. But it was worth it in the long term.

 

[EducatedMandy]

Thank you for the reply, I feel a little calmer hearing from someone with a knowledge of these kinds of symptoms. I have some anti-psychiatry tendencies that are starting to be challenged by my more recent panic episodes. It feels like a bit of a trade because on the one hand I believe I might be able to function better but on the other I have read lots of horrorible things about these drugs on this forum and am almost as scared of these drugs as the symptoms I have.

It took me nearly six months of intense headaches to even accept that I was getting them and allow myself a day off work. I seem to be very bad at looking after myself and taking my experience seriously, I have always just buried it and covered it up and carried on.

I am going to talk to a psychitrist friend of my psychoanalyst in two hours.

(edit) - I am so self absorbed at the moment I forgot to say I am really happy that you have found something that is working for you and thankyou again for giving me a push towards finding real help.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Good on you for getting help.

I have a lot of experience with different APs, ADs, and mood stabilizers, having bipolar disorder.

It's all about what works for you. Some people hate something like say, seroquel, where as i found seroquel to really level me out and keep me calm as hell when i has having bad mood swings. I ultimately got put on lamictal and vraylar, a mood stabilizer and AP.

Anyway, anxiety and depression often go hand in hand and that's why they might suggest an SSRI. SSRI's can help with anxiety, too.

Do you experience depression as well?

It's worth the time and battle to find the right regimen. Mental Illness needs to be taken seriously. If it wasn't for psych meds i'd be in the hospital for the 9th time or incarcerated for the second.

Good luck and keep us updated.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I think that you may be in a difficult, rough state. But, if you work at it, things do get better. There are lots of kinds of meds that are available.

I'd recommend starting a regular social, meditation/breathing, and exercise regimen. The latter two can be extremely healthful.

In my opinion, I think you'll be much happier not taking a benzodiazepine long-term, as opposed to quetiapine or an SSRI.

Benzos work for up to six weeks, after which time they don't become very noticeable. A lot of people have a really terrible time trying to discontinue them.

In terms of as needed, psychiatrists are of different philoosphies. Some think that taking as needed benzos just creates dependency and escalating need for the benzo, while others think it's an effective med to have in their arsenal and that it won't create benzo dependency.

There has been a little bit of cover-up with respect to benzos. Studies suggest that they may, in the longer term, lead to cognitive deficits and make anxiety worse overall. There's a reason why North/West Europe is loathe to prescribe them long-term. There are patients who disagree, though.

But, maybe they can be used well for you in the acute phase. They are very effective, basically everyone agrees, for up to four weeks.

As "minor tranquilizers", benzos deal with anxiety. The "major tranquilizers" like quetiapine deal with agitation better, much more so than benzos. And, quetiapine is generally considered a light antipsychotic.

In my experience, benzos covered up too much. My personality can't be traded for a being a bit more lucid. Let us know how it's going!

 

[nznity]

Thing. With Psychiatrists, it's a trial AND error thing. They swtich you from med to med until you find what works from you. Nevertheless if you're feeling like that a shrink Would help you immensely.btw since uve Been somewhat dependent on alcohol before Xanax Is a no go, specially self medicating. That can turn in a very big. problem.if u get addicted.

 

[EducatedMandy]

Wow, cheers for the help and encouragement guys, it is hard with this being such a taboo subject still. Even inside my own head.

It seems like everyone in the name of harm reduction has the same view of benzos for long term use so I guess that rules that out. I have to say though, after the panic attack I had the other night, I'm not sure I'd go anywhere without a few in my pocket for a good while.

So I talked to this retired psychiatrist guy and he suggested that I have an acute drug induced psychosis and that I am having flashbacks. This makes sense to me as I have had multiple psychotic experiences due to various dissosiative and psychadelic drugs over my adolescence and the feeling I had during the panic attack the other night was the exact same feeling that I had during my first horrific drug experience.

I asked him how many people once going onto substances like quietpine come off them, he said that if they work then you take them indefinately which is contradictory to what my analyst had suggested as more of a holiday from the panic and agitation. The psychiatrist called back shortly after and revised what he had said, suggesting that I was experiencing flashbacks and that after having got some distance between me and recreational drugs, the aim would be to reduce and cease taking it.

I am in two minds here, I feel like I am walking a middle ground between accepting that I have some sort of condition that needs a perminant treatment and viewing my recent experience as a drug or stress induced flashback/psychosis that can be treated while I continue my psychoanalysis and eventually become drug free.

It is hard to say if I am depressed, I put on a face for the world and maybe for myself too. I can vary quite a lot and typically would have found a way to cheer myself up if I was feeing very low with some sort of recreational drug. I know that I can feel very down when I imagine the things I used to be capable of, or that other people are more capable of like group socialising and being involved in relationships but often these thoughts would make me more angry at myself than depressed.

For the most part I simply accept the restrictions upon me with the hope that through psychoanalysis I will come out of the other side with the ability to carry on doing the crazy things I used to do.

It is odd because on a good day I may go to the park with a friend and sit and laugh for a solid hour and if that is the only time they see me, they would probably call me a happy guy albeit rediculously limited in my ability to socialise with people I dont know or currently, to work...


Cheers again guys