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Seeking experienced advice!(long story sorry)

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Tibbly

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Jul 21, 2010
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Hello everyone, I very recently used my first mind altering drug and I chose mdma. I have always had a very distant relationship with drugs of all sorts, and only within the last year really started using medicine for my anxiety and also started smoking nightly ( which has helped me immensely). I wasn't prepared for what I was going to experience and I think it took away from the whole thing. Before I go any further I will get it across that I was rolling with just my girlfriend, and I. My close friend was there sober to make sure we drank water and just where enjoying ourselves etc.

Friday night 12:30 4 days ago. My girlfriend and I both took our roll which we knew was good, because my friend who supplied them to me had been buying from the same source for a while and as an experienced mdma user was very, very excited about these rolls. I had made sure to have a relatively full stomach and was very ready.

I've always been very sensitive to pretty much everything, and I have seen how frail my mortality is a few to many times due to extreme asthma and just generally being a sickly kid. So this was a first, and I was ready .. or so I thought. (for safe measure I'll emphasize that even though nearly all E is cut I heard from several people and my close friends that these rolls gave them one of the purest highs and easiest come downs they have ever had. I couldn't imagine what friday would have been like if they where bad rolls)

12:32 I instantly feel stoned. I literally took the roll, used the restroom, sat next to my girlfriend and bam. Couldn't see strait, double vision, my body tempurature sky rocketed and I could only say these few words "ill be right back" I stood up and stumbled into my room and collapsed on my bed. It was so intense in the worst way. I was juggling emotions and jumping back and forth between the "why did I honestly think my body could handle this" and "no I can overcome this". I was so weak scared and exhausted.

12:35 my gf realized I didn't come back and came into the bedroom and layed next to me. It was to much, but I didn't want to freak her out. She hadn't even noticed anything from her roll. She realized I was very hot and helped me drink water and just get undressed to try and cool down.

12:40 I'm still in a bad place I'm trembling and the thought of her leaving me alone was unfathomable. I honestly don't know what I would have done if she wasn't fulfilling my bizzare requests that I was shooting out trying to stay above the darkness that was sucking me in. "please I'm thirsty ( point at the water).. NO just hold it near me... put it down!.. Cover my head in pillows.. TAKE THEM OFF! All but one!. It was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

12:50 I had tried about 6 times to tell my friend not to come yet because I wouldn't be able to answer the apartment door. But honestly my texts where more like "dpleas dont whwfv" my eyes where jiggling so bad I couldn't see.

at about 12:55 I could feel the feigntest signs of relief and It made me confident I could make it. I was pretty sure I was going to die of asthma and heat ... and just being as pathetic as I was. Inch by inch I could breath.. My hands where flowing and the motion I was making was helping the air come in and the air go out. I proceded to do nothing but this for about 15 minutes, right before my friend showed ( he was going to come within 30 minutes of taking the roll.. I didn't think anything would happen for about an hour).

1:10 BAM I explode threw the pathetic shell I was just minutes ago. I can breath... SO very well.. I can suck air in threw my nose. (I was attacked and had my nose severely broken and even after my rhynoplasty I've still been living with difficultly breathing). It was incredible I just felt overjoyed by my ability to make it threw, and an unspeakable amount of empathy and security I felt for my gf she literally saved my life. There is no other way to explain how it felt other than she saved me life.

It wasn't long after she blasted off into her roll and was clearly experiencing it so much heavier than me. She moaned at the mere touch of the blankets and dazzled at every light. I was pretty much plateaued at security empathy and euphoria. But my god I was jealous... I when't threw what felt like a hour of just hardship and I was no where near her.

Despite all that I had an irreplaceable experience and bonding with my girlfriend. I wouldn't take it back.

ALRIGHT.. after that long read here is where I am seeking advice. I since that day have not been able to stop thinking about how right everything was and just how good I felt. I just simply want more... so much more than I received. It was so unfair.. Im male 120 pounds 22 years old and on 300mg of welbutron daily. What is going on with me that made it hell to start and not quite the heaven everyone els seems to have surround them.

How can I roll again and get past the insane come up. It was almost unbearable. How can I get to the level everyone els seems to get to.. without taking two pills... I think I would die. Is it just my genetic make up that I was dealt these cards? Can I take any supplements... try any yoga.. idk I'm desperate for ideas. I need to talk to someone who has experienced the hardship of a momentarily crippling come up and feel that once in a life time feeling.

Does anyone have similar stories? I think just knowing I'm not alone with this would help. Thanks for the read. I really appreciate any feedback. I want so dearly to experience the music and lights. I didn't get any of it. I only got a piece of my pie that I waited so many years to taste.
 
You clearly rolled way too hard, the anxiety on the come up can be pretty gnarly. If anything maybe you can take a Valium or some sort of Benzo to try and edge that (though it will take away from the roll a bit).


My Wife and I felt similar the first time, no where near as bad but definitely had really bad anxiety. If you try again just maybe try .5 a pill, make sure your set/setting is PERFECT and your mindset going into the roll you are all in, and excited. If you are hesitant at all, this will more than likely happen again.
 
You dropped at 12:30, it kicked in at 1:10 (which i'm surprised it did if you're on wellbutrin. It shouldn't have worked at all on an SSRI). I honestly think everything in between was psychosomatic. MDMA doesn't suddenly start working two minutes after you drop it. That's simply not possible. It sounds to me like the anxiety of trying a drug for the first time made you scared.

As I feel this is mostly just pre-roll anxiety and not a part of the actual come-up itself, I'd do exactly what boltfan suggested. It's also known that people coming up on MDMA have panic attacks. I was dosed with MDMA my first time and I had a TERRIBLE panic attack on the come-up. A benzo could help immensely with this.

Finally, I question whether you should be taking MDMA if you're on Wellbutrin (an SSRI / antidepressant). What are you on it for? I know it's sometimes taken for anxiety and to quit smoking as well, so a little more information on your medications would help immensely.
 
Sounds like you took way too much for your first time. Half a pill to start with and half a pill again if you feel okay after the first dose has kicked in. There might also be interaction with your meds.
Also sounds like you had a major anxiety attack.
Glad it all calmed down later on and you felt good.
Give yourself a couple of months before rolling again.
 
While I agree with AylaV about not taking antidepressants and MDMA concurrently (for reason of making your depression worse), I think it's worth mentioning that Wellbutrin is a dopamine-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, not an SSRI. While this could impact the roll (since MDMA releases NA and DA in addition to serotonin), people have reported decent rolls on it and without the side effects the OP describes. I agree too that the timing is odd -- oral MDMA definitely takes 30-45min to kick in. I bet it's anxiety like Ayla said, possibly some other cut that you're unusually sensitive to...testing is always a good idea.

Here's hoping your next experience is more positive if you decide to hazard it again. :)
 
Well I take wellbutron for my anxiety, and I can see why you would think it was solely that. My whole life things have always just affected me differently and I guess just expecting it to be different could make me feel all sorts of things. The main thing I don't understand is how my body temp sky rocketed like that. Never in my life has anxiety made my body hot. I definitely want to try again and relatively soon so the past experience of the come up is still fresh. I feel more confident now knowing it is more than likely my own self destructive thoughts that made it spin out of control. I think my breathing may have a lot to do with it. What would be a good thing to keep by? I was thinking vic's especially from the nostalgia of having it rubbed on my chest whenever I was having severe asthma attacks when I was younger. Also what is Benzo? I've never heard of it.
 
benzo is slang and short for benzodiazepine and refers to any number of anti-anxiety medications from valium to xanax. Did you take your temperature? Maybe it was a perceived rise in body temperature. You could always try to combat this by moving to a cooler area, maybe a fan. As RGB said, it could have been an adverse reaction to something in the pill as well -- testing IS always a good idea so you know exactly what it is that you're putting in your body. Thanks for the help, RGB =D
 
During the comeup, I always feel warm well before any of the other effects kick in. Perhaps your perception of time was off because of some anxiety, and it was actually longer since you had taken the pill?

This is also just speculation, but perhaps the wellbutrin affected your roll? If it has higher affinity for NA/DA transporters, I see no reason it wouldn't affect the roll in some way.
 
Well as far as the temp goes my girlfriend was the one who told me I was burning up. I just thought I was sweaty. Thanks for the input everyone.. I think I will wait a month from the day I took it, and I'll stop the welbutron for a few days prior.. maybe hold an ice pack on hand. Is it a bad idea to split the roll up over time? Say take a half pill and then about an hour later after my come up has passed take the second half? I have the same rolls I had before I'm just going to hold off and try to approach this with more confidence, and this was a good first step for me. Thanks again I'll be sure to keep exploring the topic before I attempt the next roll.

(oh and my time estimates are pretty accurate since my girlfriend was still completely sober feeling. I kept asking her what time it was because I was hoping it would pass before my friend arrived. I was in a state of mind I've never experienced though so I understand how I could easily have misinterpreted a ton of stuff.)
 
I've had purely mental anxiety attacks from smoking weed that have made me feel extremely hot.

If you're willing to try it again, give yourself a month to recover and take 1/2 a pill, wait an hour and take the other half. After taking the second half wait about 30 mins and if you're up for it, take a 2nd pill. That should give you that intense high that you're looking for without overwhelming you at first. I've noticed that if you ease into the come up, redosing becomes a lot easier to take. I have some sensitive friends who will get straight up floored if they take a whole pill to start, but once they start rolling they can take whole pills all night without it being too much.

Hope that helps!
 
Dahli said:
I've had purely mental anxiety attacks from smoking weed that have made me feel extremely hot.

If you're willing to try it again, give yourself a month to recover and take 1/2 a pill, wait an hour and take the other half. After taking the second half wait about 30 mins and if you're up for it, take a 2nd pill. That should give you that intense high that you're looking for without overwhelming you at first. I've noticed that if you ease into the come up, redosing becomes a lot easier to take. I have some sensitive friends who will get straight up floored if they take a whole pill to start, but once they start rolling they can take whole pills all night without it being too much.

Hope that helps!
Click to expand...

^^ What he said. I also get very hot on my come ups although I have never had an anxiety attack this bad. Test test test your pills, people can say all sorts of great things about what you are about to take, but unless you test it you can never be sure that you aren't taking something you might react to.

In my opinion the biggest factor in your bad come up was your mindset. Be secure with your thoughts and try not to be too anxious or worried about what is going to happen. If you take it anyway, there's nothing you can do except wait for it to hit. Be certain you want to take it before you take it or your mind will react to it in such an indecisive manner as well.

Good luck man!
 
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