Didn't do any speed today. Feel anxious, not wanting to face w/ds later. Took supplements. Also took Rx painkillers to ease the pain physical, emotional, spiritual. I don't know what to do anymore. Am sad cause I want some peace again. Do I regret the relapse? Yes and no. No, cause although my rediculous weight gain wasn't what took me back out, the Tramadol was, but at least I'm not so goddamned fucking FAT anymore!!! I took 1/2 hit of Erik's acid today and prayed a good deal of the time just asking 4 some divine help, pretty please with sugar on top to either help with the crap w/d's and if it's meant for me to stay clean, at least on a schedule, then how about a little appetite control please!! I'm afraid I didn't get a whole lot out of the acid this time around, as I took 6 painkillers over the course of the day to reduce anxiety and didn't want to trip too hard anyway. I just want some help, the kind people can't give, but the kind that only comes from within...
