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Scared to start treatment

1fastgsxr

1fastgsxr

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Joined
Mar 30, 2015
Messages
24
Hey guys,

Little background, I've been a poly substance abuser for over 10 yrs. The last year was a mess...got fired from 2 jobs as a result of my addiction. I'm depressed and have horrible anxiety, rarely leave the house.

I was referred to a treatment program for my career which I'm currently in. I started 3 months ago. When I started, I quit opiates and benzos cold turkey because I was sick of being on drugs and I had lost everything. I get urine and nail tested. I was hoping I could skate through but sure enough my nail test was positive. This resulted in me being referred to IOP (intensive out patient program). I just got the phone number to set it up but I can't bring myself to call. Like every addict probably says, I don't want to go. Has any one ever been through an IOP program?

My biggest beef is that while I'm glad I wasn't referred to inpatient, I feel like iop is such a big commitment. I haven't called to get the details but I'm hoping my 3+ months sober may allow me to go for a lesser among of time. For many, IOP is 5 days a week for several hours. I just can't fathom that, it seems like so much. I'm hoping I'll be evaluated and they won't put me through a super strict program all week.

On top of that, I'm required to go to daily NA meetings for 3 months straight. This is just such an overwhelming commitment and I have so much anxiety just thinking about it.

Maybe it will help in some ways. It will get me out of the house and maybe allow me to explore my depression. Maybe it will make me feel better?

Where will I tell people I'm going every day? So many overwhelming thoughts.

Any experiences or words of encouragement?
 
I did IOP twice. Failed my last 2 urines before my 12 weeks was up and then made it through the 2nd time. Its not so bad. It was quite educational for me and entertaining! I never got in trouble so haven't been to jail and most people that were there just got out and iop was part of drug court or parole. I was like a gold fish in a shark tank! Being female with mostly males that just got out or were newly clean! So i am sure you can imagine! Just remember you arent there to make friends! Iop was where i learned what boofin and koofin meant and what a fifi 500 was! Lol
 
Thanks for your reply, I'm a 27 year old female so I was sort of expecting that. I can't be making friends because that'd be a recipe for disaster. I've heard not the greatest things about meeting people in recovery...people end up using together in a downward spiral. I'm bad enough just dealing with myself!

I am curious and sort of wish there was more individual attention because I know I need to identify my inner demons instead of the addiction itself. But I haven't tried yet so this is my first step.

I did get myself to call and my first appointment is monday. Funny, I haven't wanted to use but the anxiety of walking in the door makes me want to take the edge off, tbh. I never had social anxiety but maybe it's because I was always high.
 
You dont get much one on one aside from them watching you pee once a week! You also get a few mins of counseling here and there. To be honest though its pretty much a joke. Most people are there bc they have to be and a lot end up back in jail or on the run. You wont get too much out of it to be honest. Just go do what you have to do and get out. Dont make friends and end up getting robbed when they go on the run from violating probation by relapsing! People are very different if they relapse!
 
You dont get much one on one aside from them watching you pee once a week! You also get a few mins of counseling here and there. To be honest though its pretty much a joke. Most people are there bc they have to be and a lot end up back in jail or on the run. You wont get too much out of it to be honest. Just go do what you have to do and get out. Dont make friends and end up getting robbed when they go on the run from violating probation by relapsing! People are very different if they relapse!
 
Eek do they test you there? I get testing through my program randomly so I didn't think they would test me at IOP. I guess I'll find out Monday!

Not that I will fail...it's annoying enough doing the testing at all let alone being watched. It gets old feeling like a criminal!
 
IOP does random urine tests... at least the two that I went to in the past did but I'm positive that all IOPs do. These programs are full of newly clean assholes who act like they want to be clean but really deep down want to use. Nobody really helps each other out and the counselors don't give a shit about you.

Im just sharing with you my experiences at IOPs just be careful who you talk to because you may think they are your friends like you tell someone you want to use then they go and tell the counselors.. its fucked up. I lasted only a couple weeks at both of the IOPs went to before I got kicked out for using.
 
You will definitely be tested at IOP. A lot of people get kicked out or go back to jail. Most people are there bc they have to be they are not there for help and to get better. Just mind your own business and do what you gotta do.
 
I did an IOP that I actually really learned from but it had a lot of basis in mental health so it didn't have that high school health class feeling of my DUI school and such.
 
My3sons said:
You will definitely be tested at IOP. A lot of people get kicked out or go back to jail. Most people are there bc they have to be they are not there for help and to get better. Just mind your own business and do what you gotta do.
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I have had the same experience with the IOPs in my area. Most people were there as a condition of probation and just wanted it to be over with. Hell I would say half the people in my class just got busted with weed! They looked at my heroin addicted ass like I was crazy.
 
Thanks guys I'm feeling a little bit better about it now and hoping that even if I don't get much out of it that merely having an excuse to get dressed and go outside will help.

They won't allow me to take adderall though which is kind of a bummer since I've been on it for years and never abused it. I've come off it before and I know I'll just be tired and unmotivated a few days but I wish they would offer me resources of coping with adhd rather than making me come off it cold turkey. That's the part that annoys me and it makes it seem like I'm just treated like a criminal and not a patient.
 
It's hard to let go. These feelings of tiredness and unmotivated days can be really annoying but it gets better with time.
At the end (and I know this feeling quite well) it's all about giving up using drugs and that can be quite hard.
You need to really want to do it.

I've also abused drugs for many years but unfortunately some of us have to through something that makes you really want to give it up for good no matter what. But everyone is different.
The fact that you are thinking about options is a good sign IMO/E.
 
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