phew
Bluelighter
A cautionary message from me to all newcomers and naive regulars:
Wow, that fucking sucks. I hate to hear that this happened to you. While I can't fix it, I will tell you my take on this, all of this.
No community or relationship involving money will ever be scam proof. Even reputable sources, such as Amazon, fuck up on occasion. Amateurs can fuck up even more often. When relationships are involved, these situations can be heartbreaking. I try to prevent this by avoiding any type of deal that would result in hard feelings. I think to myself "maybe I don't have enough money to lose, maybe I might really care if he/she fucks up, in that case, I don't deal with him/her." Anyone can become sketch, even if they proved themselves to be the most trustworthy person you had in this entire community. That's sad and scary.
When it comes to money, there's no more joking around. It's business. If I could, I'd make it so that when I gave someone money to do something for me, I could know if they actually received it and if they actually spent it on what I needed them to spend it on. Even if I attempt to do that, any amount of things can still go wrong: it might not get where it's going and I become suspicious that they might actually have it, they might get it and keep delaying because of personal issues and ignore me because of shame, it might get stolen from them, the person they are buying from scams them and it's out of their hands, they get the goods and then don't send it to me, they get the goods and send it to me and it gets confiscated. Even if all parties are 100% with every other party, things can *still* go wrong.
I am friends with everyone, but I have learned that people are good at keeping up appearances for as long as they need to so that they can use you when the opportunity comes up. That saddens me, but it's life. There's no way to tell who is going to fuck you over until they actually fuck you over. I try to enjoy whatever friendships I have for as long as I can. Even if it were the two of us in a business deal, things could just go wrong on either side and either of us could end up looking bad. Even if you and I continued communicating and clearly explained the situation (which Person didn't do), there would always be some level of distrust and hard feelings if things didn't go perfectly. That's the one thing you have to completely accept in these dealings.
If you really value your friendship with someone over the goods and the money, you might have to put your foot down and let them know this. You refuse to do business with them because you care about your friendship too much. Or, at least, you refuse to do such insecure business where so many things can go wrong. If you are strapped for cash and can't afford to have things go wrong, then don't do it (no, I'm not scolding you, this is not your fault, and I regret that it happened to you, but there's an important lesson to be learned here for everyone). I have high hopes for some people in BL and I believe that my friendships with them will have positive outcomes. I'd be devastated if any of those people ripped me off or if they thought I ripped them off, which is why I have shied away from many propositions involving money and certain goods: it's just not worth it. If something happens on their side, I give them the benefit of the doubt, that's my nature. If something happens on my side, I do my best to make amends to regain their trust and show them that I am an honest, caring person.
The only way I'd give any substantial amount of money for such deals is if the money didn't matter. I'd even allow things to go wrong once or twice, then I'd just shake my head and never do anything involving money with them again. The condition would be for them to deliver on the goods and then I'd do business again after I receive my goods. So that would flip the very nature of the situation, so that they'd have to give me something in order to get more cash. That's how I'd do it if I really had to do it, because the only perfect alternative is not to give anyone money.
Right now, I don't know what to say about what happened to you. I trust (person). I think the real issue is that it was outside of (person's) hands or (person) messed up. (Person) wasn't disciplined enough, wasn't professional enough to handle that. I strongly doubt that (person) consciously attempted to scam you. I am sorry that you had to go through that, I'm sorry that it had to come to this, but we can all learn from it.
Wow, that fucking sucks. I hate to hear that this happened to you. While I can't fix it, I will tell you my take on this, all of this.
No community or relationship involving money will ever be scam proof. Even reputable sources, such as Amazon, fuck up on occasion. Amateurs can fuck up even more often. When relationships are involved, these situations can be heartbreaking. I try to prevent this by avoiding any type of deal that would result in hard feelings. I think to myself "maybe I don't have enough money to lose, maybe I might really care if he/she fucks up, in that case, I don't deal with him/her." Anyone can become sketch, even if they proved themselves to be the most trustworthy person you had in this entire community. That's sad and scary.
When it comes to money, there's no more joking around. It's business. If I could, I'd make it so that when I gave someone money to do something for me, I could know if they actually received it and if they actually spent it on what I needed them to spend it on. Even if I attempt to do that, any amount of things can still go wrong: it might not get where it's going and I become suspicious that they might actually have it, they might get it and keep delaying because of personal issues and ignore me because of shame, it might get stolen from them, the person they are buying from scams them and it's out of their hands, they get the goods and then don't send it to me, they get the goods and send it to me and it gets confiscated. Even if all parties are 100% with every other party, things can *still* go wrong.
I am friends with everyone, but I have learned that people are good at keeping up appearances for as long as they need to so that they can use you when the opportunity comes up. That saddens me, but it's life. There's no way to tell who is going to fuck you over until they actually fuck you over. I try to enjoy whatever friendships I have for as long as I can. Even if it were the two of us in a business deal, things could just go wrong on either side and either of us could end up looking bad. Even if you and I continued communicating and clearly explained the situation (which Person didn't do), there would always be some level of distrust and hard feelings if things didn't go perfectly. That's the one thing you have to completely accept in these dealings.
If you really value your friendship with someone over the goods and the money, you might have to put your foot down and let them know this. You refuse to do business with them because you care about your friendship too much. Or, at least, you refuse to do such insecure business where so many things can go wrong. If you are strapped for cash and can't afford to have things go wrong, then don't do it (no, I'm not scolding you, this is not your fault, and I regret that it happened to you, but there's an important lesson to be learned here for everyone). I have high hopes for some people in BL and I believe that my friendships with them will have positive outcomes. I'd be devastated if any of those people ripped me off or if they thought I ripped them off, which is why I have shied away from many propositions involving money and certain goods: it's just not worth it. If something happens on their side, I give them the benefit of the doubt, that's my nature. If something happens on my side, I do my best to make amends to regain their trust and show them that I am an honest, caring person.
The only way I'd give any substantial amount of money for such deals is if the money didn't matter. I'd even allow things to go wrong once or twice, then I'd just shake my head and never do anything involving money with them again. The condition would be for them to deliver on the goods and then I'd do business again after I receive my goods. So that would flip the very nature of the situation, so that they'd have to give me something in order to get more cash. That's how I'd do it if I really had to do it, because the only perfect alternative is not to give anyone money.
Right now, I don't know what to say about what happened to you. I trust (person). I think the real issue is that it was outside of (person's) hands or (person) messed up. (Person) wasn't disciplined enough, wasn't professional enough to handle that. I strongly doubt that (person) consciously attempted to scam you. I am sorry that you had to go through that, I'm sorry that it had to come to this, but we can all learn from it.
