d-st0n3r
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2009
- Messages
- 208
So yesterday my buddies go buy some saliva 5x extract. We had just gotten really high smoking streez/kush spliffs all day and one was soaked in lean, which definitely fucked me up.
It was passed a few times then it was my turn. I didn’t like the look of the dry, squarely cut up leafs, looked like something id be allergic to lol but I hit it, my friends told me to take another puff but I turned em down.
I was holding it in and I thought I felt something, I really didn't know what to expect but I was waiting for some sort of feeling, hallucination, object to happen to me. But instead my brain was sabotaged. I don't remember going from normal to "high" but all of a sudden I couldn't think normally, I was trying to remain coherent but it's like your brain has been confused somehow, like I would think of something or try to remember and I could feel the processes looking in the wrong areas, it was as if you messed up some very deep functions in a computer, and when you click on something it just messed it up which messed it up more and it was just endlessly confused getting more and more confused which is what I felt like then, my brain on glitch, it was so horrible.
But then all of it went away because I somehow managed to realize that the only way for me to even exist in the "real" reality was to NOT think. So I did that, sat there, just kind of conscious, then some backlogged process in my "higher functioning" brain that was now dead but its process still wanted to run just out of habit you know? Like my world before was about my friends and the bong and everything around me but now I was pretty much just fighting for a scrap of sanity, pretty much survival mode, because it was all I could possibly do, it was like my brain was nearly nonexistent. But because it was so sudden, like my old brain was still trying to run its old processes, like maybe laughing or making a certain facial expression or saying something, even doing something like worrying about how I look and not wanting to be embarrassed, I would get certain urges to do something and it was torturous to not remember why or what they were about.
So all of a sudden I had some weird urge to laugh, just test the waters, just a little bit, a little chuckle, I laughed a little more, ''hey maybe I'm coming down, no wait its been like maybe 10 seconds that can't be.'' and all of a sudden they built up upon each other and exponentially increased, it was like you cross a line and all of a sudden you start laughing so hard, it was really the line between being able to control your laughter and not, and I was laughing but I wasn't happy, and then I started to think when I was laughing, but that was a mistake. Once I started to think it was like some horrible algebraic equation going off in my mind, like my thoughts got exponentially tripper, eviler, out there, for every extra thought, for every level more. It was like spinning out of control; I forgot who I was what anything was, why I should care. But it was actually painfully obvious why I should care during the whole trip; it was the ONLY thing I could understand. I couldn't feel or understand anything, except for pain, dysphoria, the ONLY thing I could understand was that my consciousness was unhappy and that I wanted to be happy. Very unhappy. And I wanted it to go away. “Please. Wait what just happened? Whats all this? I feel so bad. I want to be happy again.” And that cycle would just rinse and repeat.
But then something outside of me made my thoughts stop and everything was back to normal, I was now scared and wanted it to end. “END END END. That was my mantra. But then I would forget again, always forget. END, what does end mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Horror horror horror... i just want it to END! what does end mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?? no I've done this before, just END.” But it wouldn't not for what felt like many hours, though the trip lasted maybe 40 minutes.
But then I stopped thinking again and my consciousness snapped back to "here" not "there" and I was still laughing, cracking up, all of this had happened in maybe the matter of 30 seconds, and there were some moments of clarity where I asked if I was going to stay like this forever, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I remember then my mouth felt all numb and tingly and I was talking, gibberish, my mouth slack, I was acting like it was all normal then I would flashback and realize that reality was not some weird floating world where people laughed and made weird sounds, but that I was just tripping the fuck out. So I battled in my mind which of these realities was true, but eventually I would forget about everything. But I would still do it over and over.
I ended up taking off my shirt and my friends started freaking out at me which freaked me out, but they were saying how I had an allergic reaction and shit. I was feeling a little coherent and looked down at my chest and realized that it was completely red and looked like a rash. I was feeling all this heat from my shoulders and chest and body, accompanied by some weird tingling sensation, which was very strong in my mouth as well.
Then I would trip in my own little world again, thoughts horribly confused, exponentially trippy. I would trip out again, then forget, but after like 5 minutes it got better and I had to spend 20 minutes really fucked in the head, unable to talk, and another 2-3 hours just feeling RETARDED. It all felt like a century though. The biggest reason I wouldn't try it again is simply because I don't want to be literally mentally handicapped for 2 hours, it is the worst feeling I could ever imagine. I felt TRUELY insane, and my brain was TRUELY broken. It was even more dysphoric for me because I am the type of person who gains happiness through observing solid reality. It became much better once I was finally able to hold onto the thought that I wouldn't stay like this forever, but it was very frightening sitting there wondering where I was, who I was, then becoming slightly more conscious, realizing that I was laughing like a retard, wondering why, then realizing I was maybe reborn as a retarded kid or I had gotten in some horrible accident and i didn't know what was going on, had a horrible existence, should be killed but isn't even coherent enough to ask for help, just like some freak show of god, a hellish existence doomed to eternal dysphoria. And eternal amnesia.
So yeah… I didn’t like it that much, it honestly had some resemblance to this time I did Diphenhydramine, which as we all know isn’t too pleasant. I remember watching my friend and he started laughing and then he just started cracking up and he was saying how you just cross a line, which explains it perfectly.
It was passed a few times then it was my turn. I didn’t like the look of the dry, squarely cut up leafs, looked like something id be allergic to lol but I hit it, my friends told me to take another puff but I turned em down.
I was holding it in and I thought I felt something, I really didn't know what to expect but I was waiting for some sort of feeling, hallucination, object to happen to me. But instead my brain was sabotaged. I don't remember going from normal to "high" but all of a sudden I couldn't think normally, I was trying to remain coherent but it's like your brain has been confused somehow, like I would think of something or try to remember and I could feel the processes looking in the wrong areas, it was as if you messed up some very deep functions in a computer, and when you click on something it just messed it up which messed it up more and it was just endlessly confused getting more and more confused which is what I felt like then, my brain on glitch, it was so horrible.
But then all of it went away because I somehow managed to realize that the only way for me to even exist in the "real" reality was to NOT think. So I did that, sat there, just kind of conscious, then some backlogged process in my "higher functioning" brain that was now dead but its process still wanted to run just out of habit you know? Like my world before was about my friends and the bong and everything around me but now I was pretty much just fighting for a scrap of sanity, pretty much survival mode, because it was all I could possibly do, it was like my brain was nearly nonexistent. But because it was so sudden, like my old brain was still trying to run its old processes, like maybe laughing or making a certain facial expression or saying something, even doing something like worrying about how I look and not wanting to be embarrassed, I would get certain urges to do something and it was torturous to not remember why or what they were about.
So all of a sudden I had some weird urge to laugh, just test the waters, just a little bit, a little chuckle, I laughed a little more, ''hey maybe I'm coming down, no wait its been like maybe 10 seconds that can't be.'' and all of a sudden they built up upon each other and exponentially increased, it was like you cross a line and all of a sudden you start laughing so hard, it was really the line between being able to control your laughter and not, and I was laughing but I wasn't happy, and then I started to think when I was laughing, but that was a mistake. Once I started to think it was like some horrible algebraic equation going off in my mind, like my thoughts got exponentially tripper, eviler, out there, for every extra thought, for every level more. It was like spinning out of control; I forgot who I was what anything was, why I should care. But it was actually painfully obvious why I should care during the whole trip; it was the ONLY thing I could understand. I couldn't feel or understand anything, except for pain, dysphoria, the ONLY thing I could understand was that my consciousness was unhappy and that I wanted to be happy. Very unhappy. And I wanted it to go away. “Please. Wait what just happened? Whats all this? I feel so bad. I want to be happy again.” And that cycle would just rinse and repeat.
But then something outside of me made my thoughts stop and everything was back to normal, I was now scared and wanted it to end. “END END END. That was my mantra. But then I would forget again, always forget. END, what does end mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Horror horror horror... i just want it to END! what does end mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?? no I've done this before, just END.” But it wouldn't not for what felt like many hours, though the trip lasted maybe 40 minutes.
But then I stopped thinking again and my consciousness snapped back to "here" not "there" and I was still laughing, cracking up, all of this had happened in maybe the matter of 30 seconds, and there were some moments of clarity where I asked if I was going to stay like this forever, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I remember then my mouth felt all numb and tingly and I was talking, gibberish, my mouth slack, I was acting like it was all normal then I would flashback and realize that reality was not some weird floating world where people laughed and made weird sounds, but that I was just tripping the fuck out. So I battled in my mind which of these realities was true, but eventually I would forget about everything. But I would still do it over and over.
I ended up taking off my shirt and my friends started freaking out at me which freaked me out, but they were saying how I had an allergic reaction and shit. I was feeling a little coherent and looked down at my chest and realized that it was completely red and looked like a rash. I was feeling all this heat from my shoulders and chest and body, accompanied by some weird tingling sensation, which was very strong in my mouth as well.
Then I would trip in my own little world again, thoughts horribly confused, exponentially trippy. I would trip out again, then forget, but after like 5 minutes it got better and I had to spend 20 minutes really fucked in the head, unable to talk, and another 2-3 hours just feeling RETARDED. It all felt like a century though. The biggest reason I wouldn't try it again is simply because I don't want to be literally mentally handicapped for 2 hours, it is the worst feeling I could ever imagine. I felt TRUELY insane, and my brain was TRUELY broken. It was even more dysphoric for me because I am the type of person who gains happiness through observing solid reality. It became much better once I was finally able to hold onto the thought that I wouldn't stay like this forever, but it was very frightening sitting there wondering where I was, who I was, then becoming slightly more conscious, realizing that I was laughing like a retard, wondering why, then realizing I was maybe reborn as a retarded kid or I had gotten in some horrible accident and i didn't know what was going on, had a horrible existence, should be killed but isn't even coherent enough to ask for help, just like some freak show of god, a hellish existence doomed to eternal dysphoria. And eternal amnesia.
So yeah… I didn’t like it that much, it honestly had some resemblance to this time I did Diphenhydramine, which as we all know isn’t too pleasant. I remember watching my friend and he started laughing and then he just started cracking up and he was saying how you just cross a line, which explains it perfectly.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
