I had a frightening trip my first time.
I had purchased some 40x, from a headshop after someone told me about it. The guy at the counter telling me to "be careful". Which of course I laughed at. I saw the youtube videos, I had read a few stories. Nothing chaotic or dangerous had occured as far as I knew. Besides, it's legal... it's not "real drugs" as far as I thought them to be.
I had loaded up a gigantic wad in a corncob pipe. Torch lighter in hand, I sat in the room next to where my girl slept. I was alone, but ready and pumped. My first mistake, by the way, being alone. For I would truly know what "alone" meant after that deep breath. It tasted pretty horrid, though it had a similar tinge and burn of regular weed. I coughed like crazy, which surprised me. I took that hit, but I wanted a real hit, I wanted to break through, so I cleared my lungs and inhaled till my lungs were filled and held it for as long as I could. I don't ever remember exhaling...
World itself shattered. At first everything suddenly became... "fake". The walls looked like "blocks" and the bed I sat in looked like a texture from some lame 3d game from the 90's. I moved a little, trying to roll off the bed and suddenly I knocked over half of it, like it broke into pieces. The walls suddenly started to scale, in this roundabout way until they broke off each other and began to float. Exposing a "void" behind them. A space where matter seemed to not exist.
I felt this horrible sense of guilt that somehow I had broken the world. Everything looked like it was made of tinier "blocks" now and as I would turn my head, it looked like I had knocked it all down. All the way to the ends of the universe itself.
I got up out of bed and ran down the hall and when I tripped I shattered the floor and I fell through, unending freefall. Looking back up at the world was as if you suddenly fell through the plane of existence and could see the wires and cables underneath. Kind of like looking backstage at a show.
If the world was "The Matrix", the damn computer crashed. Nothing was what it should be. Everything was fake, I was nothing, and the world I lived in, fuck YOU were nothing. It was all a sham, a pieced together molecule in nothingness and I had somehow broken the rules and seen what I should never had. I felt like I had "awoken" my conciousness and shattered my mind, but I didn't want that. What I felt wasn't freedom, it was grief, guilt... what if I could never go back, to my family, and all I knew... what if it was all fake, who I was, everything mattered so LITTLE.
Reality was a stage, and I was looking at something I should never have. Yet right at that moment of fear, I felt something hold me, it felt comforting like
"Do you really need it?"
"Do you really need this? This life of yours?"
"Why don't you let go, be free... look at your hands."
And I fucking did and there was nothing, I HAD no body, I was energy, but not within a visible frequency... visible, did I have eyes? I mean what the hell. How could you see without them right? I was more than what I was, and although one would think that would make me happy, the first thing I felt was grief. Was this death, or enlightenment? Was I free, or forever imprisoned. I jumped back up toward reality, and went straight for the one lightsource I remembered being my bedroom, which was just floating there, shattered like everything else. I grabbed onto the bed and my girlfriend just held me like "Omg, you ok!?!?".
She did a good job not freaking out at my constant yammering. I kept repeating "I can fix it. I can fucking fix it. Please, baby tell me, I'm not crazy am I? Have I lost my mind? I'm not crazy right?" She in all her beauty was fine, but one look behind her and all I could see was void, nothingness. Objects like my wall and scattered clothes floating about into the abyss, so I focused on her. The only thing that made sense.
"We're all a bit crazy baby...all of us"
For a minute there a creeping feeling of horror came to me. What if all of this was a facade, that I had been living in a sick Truman Show like world where it's all BS and I'm the center of it, and somehow, through Salvia, broke through the goddamn curtain. I said "NO! Don't SAY THIS! I fucking like this place as it is!"
That comfortable feeling came back, but it was her. Slowly things came together. I had suddenly remembered Salvia in the first place, and came to the conclusion it was all a nightmare of some sort. Never in my life had I been in a situation that real. There was no mist, no real extroverted reality. It was introverted, my girl said all I did was lay in the bed in the next room. Yet it was nothing like that. Months later I would read more on Salvia, and find others had similar experiences, and that this comfortble feeling has a name "Lady Salvia".
She sometimes is in the form of leaves, or a woman, or an object of warmth like a blanket... but what she wanted to show me, I don't know. She wanted me to accept the fact that this reality isn't something I should get hooked on, but I tell you what ladies and gentlemen. When that time comes, you're going to feel the most intense sense of loss. Your ego is nothing, the world you see now is very little, and no matter what anyone says to me otherwise... I saw something far more mysterious than simple matter, energy, time and space...
I still have Salvia in a small air tight container in the next room. I haven't touched it again, I'm honestly scared of the stuff now... but I constantly feel like it's trying to teach me something. I just don't want to do it alone.
I had purchased some 40x, from a headshop after someone told me about it. The guy at the counter telling me to "be careful". Which of course I laughed at. I saw the youtube videos, I had read a few stories. Nothing chaotic or dangerous had occured as far as I knew. Besides, it's legal... it's not "real drugs" as far as I thought them to be.
I had loaded up a gigantic wad in a corncob pipe. Torch lighter in hand, I sat in the room next to where my girl slept. I was alone, but ready and pumped. My first mistake, by the way, being alone. For I would truly know what "alone" meant after that deep breath. It tasted pretty horrid, though it had a similar tinge and burn of regular weed. I coughed like crazy, which surprised me. I took that hit, but I wanted a real hit, I wanted to break through, so I cleared my lungs and inhaled till my lungs were filled and held it for as long as I could. I don't ever remember exhaling...
World itself shattered. At first everything suddenly became... "fake". The walls looked like "blocks" and the bed I sat in looked like a texture from some lame 3d game from the 90's. I moved a little, trying to roll off the bed and suddenly I knocked over half of it, like it broke into pieces. The walls suddenly started to scale, in this roundabout way until they broke off each other and began to float. Exposing a "void" behind them. A space where matter seemed to not exist.
I felt this horrible sense of guilt that somehow I had broken the world. Everything looked like it was made of tinier "blocks" now and as I would turn my head, it looked like I had knocked it all down. All the way to the ends of the universe itself.
I got up out of bed and ran down the hall and when I tripped I shattered the floor and I fell through, unending freefall. Looking back up at the world was as if you suddenly fell through the plane of existence and could see the wires and cables underneath. Kind of like looking backstage at a show.
If the world was "The Matrix", the damn computer crashed. Nothing was what it should be. Everything was fake, I was nothing, and the world I lived in, fuck YOU were nothing. It was all a sham, a pieced together molecule in nothingness and I had somehow broken the rules and seen what I should never had. I felt like I had "awoken" my conciousness and shattered my mind, but I didn't want that. What I felt wasn't freedom, it was grief, guilt... what if I could never go back, to my family, and all I knew... what if it was all fake, who I was, everything mattered so LITTLE.
Reality was a stage, and I was looking at something I should never have. Yet right at that moment of fear, I felt something hold me, it felt comforting like
"Do you really need it?"
"Do you really need this? This life of yours?"
"Why don't you let go, be free... look at your hands."
And I fucking did and there was nothing, I HAD no body, I was energy, but not within a visible frequency... visible, did I have eyes? I mean what the hell. How could you see without them right? I was more than what I was, and although one would think that would make me happy, the first thing I felt was grief. Was this death, or enlightenment? Was I free, or forever imprisoned. I jumped back up toward reality, and went straight for the one lightsource I remembered being my bedroom, which was just floating there, shattered like everything else. I grabbed onto the bed and my girlfriend just held me like "Omg, you ok!?!?".
She did a good job not freaking out at my constant yammering. I kept repeating "I can fix it. I can fucking fix it. Please, baby tell me, I'm not crazy am I? Have I lost my mind? I'm not crazy right?" She in all her beauty was fine, but one look behind her and all I could see was void, nothingness. Objects like my wall and scattered clothes floating about into the abyss, so I focused on her. The only thing that made sense.
"We're all a bit crazy baby...all of us"
For a minute there a creeping feeling of horror came to me. What if all of this was a facade, that I had been living in a sick Truman Show like world where it's all BS and I'm the center of it, and somehow, through Salvia, broke through the goddamn curtain. I said "NO! Don't SAY THIS! I fucking like this place as it is!"
That comfortable feeling came back, but it was her. Slowly things came together. I had suddenly remembered Salvia in the first place, and came to the conclusion it was all a nightmare of some sort. Never in my life had I been in a situation that real. There was no mist, no real extroverted reality. It was introverted, my girl said all I did was lay in the bed in the next room. Yet it was nothing like that. Months later I would read more on Salvia, and find others had similar experiences, and that this comfortble feeling has a name "Lady Salvia".
She sometimes is in the form of leaves, or a woman, or an object of warmth like a blanket... but what she wanted to show me, I don't know. She wanted me to accept the fact that this reality isn't something I should get hooked on, but I tell you what ladies and gentlemen. When that time comes, you're going to feel the most intense sense of loss. Your ego is nothing, the world you see now is very little, and no matter what anyone says to me otherwise... I saw something far more mysterious than simple matter, energy, time and space...
I still have Salvia in a small air tight container in the next room. I haven't touched it again, I'm honestly scared of the stuff now... but I constantly feel like it's trying to teach me something. I just don't want to do it alone.
