• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Runaway Anxiety and Addiction, Help

Charles Ferdinand

Charles Ferdinand

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2009
Messages
327
Location
Rocky Point, México
Hi! I've been on Clonaepam for 4 years until 2 months ago.
Now I'm on a low dose of Carisoprodol every now and then, and Pregabalin daily.
Since the 2nd year onwards I've been chasing the dragon.
2 months ago I decided enough is enough and went through the benzo withdrawal hell. If you believe in hell, this must be like it, if you don't, then you'll get an idea of how it feels.
I ever once got to 20mg of Clonazepam and 1200mg of Lyrica (now 150mg).
I've tried 52 different drugs and meds, to no avail. I'm fighting to get reasons to leave the benzos alone. My psychiatrist even told me: "Anxiety is not a flu, why leave the benzos so hastily to get back to anxiety?"
I'm starting to think he is right with his ocasional low dose advice. I've been anxious since I can remember, from the crib, I get flashes. I'm not deppressed or suicidal, I'm a rational man... But this seems like a an endless loop, I feel like trapped deep into a well and nothing to do.
I loved being anxious free, talking to everyone, doing normal stuff, etc.
Before benzos (lorazepam was my first one) I used to showed up drunk to clasess just to get through, no one ever noticed, or if they did they didn't say anything.
I'm telling you this, because my dads (mom principally) wants me to get off every pill, like if it was a fucking flu that just goes away with time! Their ignorance and cruelty leaves me perplexed. They'll barely listen to my doctors who claim I have a treatment resistant GAD and SAD, with a little OCD and some PTSD, the whole fucking spectrum.
You got any advice? Anything is welcome.
Sorry for the long post, but I had to let this out of my chest, because, honestly, I'm fucking tired and annoyed of this shit.
Regards.
 
get off the benzos. youre gonna have to get off sometime and the longer you wait the more hell you will be in.

smoking weed helps everything and its non addictive. maybe try some anti depressants and something like trazadone or seroquel to sleep at night
 
I know I'm addicted and I know I'll eventually stop taking antianxiety meds, but I also know that withdrawals will come after it and then the same anxiety I've had my whole life.
 
I've already quit benzos, and I just cannot believe someone made a drug with such terrible withdrawals, tolerance and dependence.
I'm perplexed. What the hell are doctors thinking???
As for my anxiety I've tried 52 meds to date, and none has worked.
 
I've been WDing from benzos over 13months now. My sleep is the worst. It would be nice to just sleep this wd off but that is what is so evil about it--no escape!
My parents and family don't understand what this is either and neither do my friends. But, how could they know unless they felt this misery. I doubted the severity of withdrawal and thought that I could be stronger than the drug and not become addicted. Benzos are not like any other drug. Sometimes I wonder if the wd's are causing me to develop PTSD. It's obviously making me depressed as hell.
I have lots of doubts when it comes to psychiatric meds and the stuff always made me feel worse. I have hopes for therapy but sitting in an office once a month isn't doing anything for me, and truthfully, I doubt I'll feel better anyway until the insomnia goes away.
 
I feel you, it's the worst thing ever happened to me, taking benzos was the worst mistake I ever did.
I always recommend Lyrica or Gabapentin, Carisoprodol if possible it will help you to get some sleep.
Good luck to you too, and to everyone else too.
I'm convinced this will make me stronger.
 
Have you tried therapy or meditation in addition to your medication? It can be helpful to use more than one approach to work on the anxiety.
 
I would have done much better with gabapentin or lyrica if I hadn't done the benzos first. I just had no idea about these drugs before WD. They have calming potential and I'm sure they would have worked pretty well if I hadn't screwed up with benzos. I tried both since then and didn't get a lot of benefit, but no withdrawals either when I stopped. I did get some profound weight gain on lyrica, but am losing it now that I quit the lyrica. I think I'll try to stay away from the soma or carisprodol and hopefully my shitty nerve receptors will fix themselves. In some ways this experience will make me stronger but honestly in some ways it will leave me in a mess too.
If you are having benzo wd's therapy might help, but ultimately I feel that I'm a slave to my poorly functioning nerve receptors.
 
But, then again, there may be a way to use relaxation therapy to activate the brain's ability for "neuroplasticity" and bypass the fucked up receptors through making brand new connections that favor habituated relaxation? Easier said than done though...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top