Run to me... - Critique Please

[-=ReD-hAzE=-]

Run, run my little angel, run to me,
Let me wrap myself within your heart,
Until I'm tangled up throughout you,
Run my little angel, run to let me in,
Let me, into your shimmer, called life,
Just one look, one touch, one taste,
That's all I need, one taste of you,
I feed, off your sensual touch,
Like a serpent, I long for more,
Forever more, tangling myself up,
Just one glance, one look, one smile,
That's all I need, that sweet smile,
It sets me off, longing for you,
Bring me into, that sparkling aura,
That thing you call your life,
Run, run to visit me, let me in,
Let me, intwine myself in your flesh,
Loose yourself to the feelings, called life,
I taste you, and you begin to feel alive,
Just one look, one touch, one taste,
That's all I need, just a taste of you...



Please critique. All feedback welcome.

 

[.dR spgeddi]

its nice.
when i feel this way, i think i can impart a poetic message as well... its romantic.
male expression is interesting. i enjoyed reading this.

 

[neverwas]

this was cute. the words u chose make it seem very childlike...as in innocent.

 

[-=ReD-hAzE=-]

As cute as going down on a lady can be.

 

[.dR spgeddi]

As cute as going down on a lady can be.

yeah, k... can see that now.

i particularly like the suggestion of a theme repeating within the verse. in this case i'm referring to

Just one look, one touch, one taste,
That's all I need, just a taste of you...

i do this myself often when writing longer pieces.