Rough times

[locomusic01]

Hey guys & gals, first post.

This whole thing is pretty new/awkward to me, but whatever. Trying not to judge this whole mess. Anyway, I'll make a long story short. I've always experimented with whatever I could find, nothing serious just normal teenage experimentation and such. Though that I realized I had a pretty addictive personality, so that helped me keep in mind to always moderate things and never get too deep.

Anyway, after some personal/family problems I turned to Kratom & Klonopins. Not at the same time usually, but using both to get by. I knew the addictive potential of the Klonopins so I've been very careful with them, only using when really needed so I don't think that's a big problem. The Kratom, though, I had no idea. Everything I'd read led me to believe that there could be addiction and withdrawals, but they'd be very mild and last just a couple days. Uh.. yeah.

I've been using Kratom every single day for nearly the past 2 months just to get by and get myself going, but it's becoming ridiculously costly and I realize I'm going down a path I desperately wanna avoid. I know some of you will ridicule me, "If you think Kratom addiction/withdrawal is bad, try Heroin!", etc.. but that's okay. I don't care what you consider bad, I just know what I feel & that's all that concerns me.

So anyway, I guess I just need support & a place to ramble for a while. I'll be receiving an order of Kratom in the next 2 days or so, and I want desperately for this to be my LAST order. If I go one day without it, I feel flu-like sickness and aches, and I feel really anxious and depressed. So I guess my first question is, does anyone have any advice on how to make this happen?

BTW I'm sorry if I rambled too much, or didn't give enough helpful info, or whatever. Just not in a good place right now & wanna get out. Thanks in advance, guys.

 

[caltrain208]

Hey loco- In my experience, the "bottom" can be just as miserable regardless of the substance you are using. As an addict, I am drawn drugs because they are able to mask the feelings I have about myself: that I'm unlovable, incompetent, and doomed to spend my life miserable and alone. Some drugs do a better job of protecting me from my thoughts, though the thoughts are still there. I tried enough drugs while I was using to realize that no matter what I used, nothing would satisfy me or "fix" the problem, which is my perception. I never had a drug problem, I had a drug solution to my personal problems. Fortunately I have found a program which works for me to help me change the way I view events in life and the way I view myself. I have freedom from the obsession over drugs, and know what I have to do to work through all of my personal problems. Take it easy, everything will be alright, there is a solution. I'd love to give you more info if you're interested, or want to talk about anything at all!

 

[unsettled]

I've never used Kratom, I did use Poppy Pods for a couple years which led to Heroin so I understand your predicament.


I know a lot of people have a hard time with Kratom, it sounds like there are definitely worse things to get involved with. I'd consult a psychiatrist or taper down with the kratom. I mean the bottom line is you're self medicating issues that you should be dealing with in therapy by facing them and over coming them. Until you figure out what causes you to continually escape you'll probably keep falling into this pattern.

Or maybe not, maybe it's just a phase. Can you just stop or taper down and stop and then not start again?

Ultimately you'll have to find your own answers. My biggest advice is stay away from that Klonopin, or at least limit your use to once a week and try not to use it for fun. If you need it get a script from a psych who you see regularly.

So to sum it up, Either get professional help or Just Try and Quit on your own.

If quitting on your own doesn't seem to work get some help, no shame in doing so, most people here have had plenty of help and are still struggle and I'm including myself here.

 

[locomusic01]

Hey loco- In my experience, the "bottom" can be just as miserable regardless of the substance you are using. As an addict, I am drawn drugs because they are able to mask the feelings I have about myself: that I'm unlovable, incompetent, and doomed to spend my life miserable and alone. Some drugs do a better job of protecting me from my thoughts, though the thoughts are still there. I tried enough drugs while I was using to realize that no matter what I used, nothing would satisfy me or "fix" the problem, which is my perception. I never had a drug problem, I had a drug solution to my personal problems. Fortunately I have found a program which works for me to help me change the way I view events in life and the way I view myself. I have freedom from the obsession over drugs, and know what I have to do to work through all of my personal problems. Take it easy, everything will be alright, there is a solution. I'd love to give you more info if you're interested, or want to talk about anything at all!

Thanks, it's always comforting to know there are other people who have similar experiences. I'm certainly interested in any info you have, and being able to talk to others is one of the few things that lets me know I have the power to just go completely clean (after a quick taper, obviously). Grateful for any help I can get, thanks!

 

[locomusic01]

I've never used Kratom, I did use Poppy Pods for a couple years which led to Heroin so I understand your predicament.


I know a lot of people have a hard time with Kratom, it sounds like there are definitely worse things to get involved with. I'd consult a psychiatrist or taper down with the kratom. I mean the bottom line is you're self medicating issues that you should be dealing with in therapy by facing them and over coming them. Until you figure out what causes you to continually escape you'll probably keep falling into this pattern.

Or maybe not, maybe it's just a phase. Can you just stop or taper down and stop and then not start again?

Ultimately you'll have to find your own answers. My biggest advice is stay away from that Klonopin, or at least limit your use to once a week and try not to use it for fun. If you need it get a script from a psych who you see regularly.

So to sum it up, Either get professional help or Just Try and Quit on your own.

If quitting on your own doesn't seem to work get some help, no shame in doing so, most people here have had plenty of help and are still struggle and I'm including myself here.

Yeah, I have an order coming in the next day or two and I'm determined to use it to taper down and make it my last one. As far as the Klonopins, I'm using them very, very sparingly. Only when the anxiety gets overwhelming. I have a pretty limited supply of them anyway, so I'm not worried about that. Probably once or twice a week max.

And as far as stopping and not starting again, yes. Until I got mixed up in all this, I prided myself on my willpower. That's one of the things I'm looking forward to gaining back again, so I'm pretty confident that once I get clean I am NOT going to let myself go back. I'm trying to avoid professional help if at all possible (need to save every penny I can right now), so that's why I'm here. I've seen how supportive this community can be, so I'm hoping that's the missing piece I need to get over the hump & get clean for good.

 

[jctoona84]

Taper down and start to confront the issues that caused you to become an addict. Too many people focus on the substance and their current situation without fixing the original/underlying problem. I've been working on it and I'm in a much happier place.

 

[locomusic01]

So much better

Taper down and start to confront the issues that caused you to become an addict. Too many people focus on the substance and their current situation without fixing the original/underlying problem. I've been working on it and I'm in a much happier place.

Thanks. Got good news, at least so far. I realized the same thing you've all been saying - deal with the issues, not the addiction. So, I confronted the things I'd been trying to suppress, had a really horrible day, and now I'm feeling much better. I'm still getting some mild withdrawal symptoms (the physical stuff mostly - crazy cold chills & sweats, flu-like symptoms, headaches) and a bit of anxiety, but the depression and feeling of being completely lost & without direction/meaning is almost completely gone. I feel much more like myself again, and I'm getting to the point that I think within a few days I'll be able to go completely clean.

Thanks again for the support guys, & I'll definitely hang around to give other people the kinda support you've given me.

 

[caltrain208]

Hey loco- sorry for the delay. I was able to turn my life around and learn how to be happy only after I had had enough suffering. When I was sufficiently satisfied that I couldn't control the use of any drugs and my life was shit, I reached out for help through the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I found a sponsor and followed suggestions. Good luck to you.