Seattle_Stranger
Bluelighter
I'll try to make this as short as possible. I put this thread in relationships, because it pertains to my relationship with my friends/roommates, but feel free to move it if it needs to be.
To make a long story short, I'm 26, I moved to Seattle when I was 20, on my own, absolutely no family, friends, I've never been here, I didn't know my way around, wasn't even old enough to get into bars yet, so I had almost no way to meet peers. I moved here better my own life and become something bigger and better than what was available to me at the time in New York City. So, fast forward about 4 years, I established a good life, a social circle of good friends, a serious relationship with an amazing girl (still together!), saved up my money, got into 2 awesome bands and now performing on stage, successful career in software, and most relevantly to this conversation, a nice big house.
I've had a couple apartments and even another house that I had before this one, all of which I lived alone at, and maintained 100% on my own time, dollar and effort. Save for all the details, I've been through a bit in the past 6 years and definitely have a good idea what this whole adult thing is all about. So, I saved up my money, worked my ass off, and finally had enough money to rent a really sweet, newer house, lots of bedrooms, sweet basement, garage, just a perfect bachelor pad. So I sign all the paperwork, do all the leg work, put down all the money upfront (it was A LOT), put everything in my name, all the utilities, the lease, everything is through me. I decided to rent a couple of the bedrooms out to my friends, so I invite a couple to live with me. I decide we will all split the rent and bills evenly, but will I pay all the bills through my accounts, I deal with all the landlord situations, I'll deal with ALL the things that encompass maintaining and running a house, I even pay for the small repairs and such that need to be done, for example buying and installing new weatherstripping on the door, I handled it all and my roomies never even knew about it. All my roommates need to do is pay rent to me and simply do their part around the house, there are no set rules or schedule or anything like that, we're all adults, we know what we need to do. If you don't, and you need rules, then you probably shouldn't live here. I also should note that I NEVER tell anyone what to do, or to be quiet, or to clean their mess, or anything like that, I never bother anyone about anything, even if it bothers me. All in all, I'd say I make it pretty easy and fair for my friends. I even took one of the smallest rooms as my own simply to give my friends the better living quarters!
So, fast forward another couple years, a couple roommates moved in and out, all situations dealt with, I'm still here doing my thing as always. A friend of a friend was invited to move in because a previous roommate just moved out. He's a little younger than me, was living in his mom and dad's house, grew up in a nice neighborhood all his life, basically your run of the mill suburban momma's boy. Whatever, he seems smart, has a good job, good references through good friends of mine, and best of all he didn't seem like he had any kind of ego or douchebaggery or anything. I should also note that this good job he has is a "work" from home job, which really means he needs to check his email every couple hours, make sure there's no exploding servers, and just go back to masturbating or whatever it was you were doing while "working" from home. He goes snowboarding during "work" hours nearly every day. It works out well for a while, we're friends, we hang out, all that.
However as of recently, he seems to have some kind of misconception that he can tell me what to do. I don't know where it came from, maybe it's because he just recently got a girlfriend and has been acting different ever since. It started when one day, after an EXTREMELY stressful week at a new stressful position at work, I finally had a couple minutes to sit down and relax with my girlfriend. He gets home from vacation, and decides to come bother me while I'm with my girl to say that I need to do my dishes because "he came home from vacation and saw the same few dishes in there that were there when he left".
I almost lost it on him.... First and foremost, when I told him that I've been cooking little dinners for myself all week after my LONG ass days, and reusing the same dishes. I cook, put it in the sink, wash it to cook again, back in sink, wash to use again, etc.. When I told him this he was all "Ohh, I didn't realize..." Yeah FUCK YOU! This is MY fucking house, who the fuck is this kid to come and tell me I need to do my dishes? I EARNED the right to leave my fuckin' dish in the sink overnight if I fuckin' feel like it!! All factors considered, how I earned the house, what I do to maintain it, how long I've been here, what I go through at work and how he snowboards all day, and goes on vacation, then comes home and whines at me....I simply cannot stop letting this bother me!! WHO THE FUCK does he think he is??
Then, to add insult to injury, again another LONG and STRESSFUL week, he's gone snowboarding and fucking his girlfriend all day, getting drunk every night again, I come home from work at 5:30PM on a Friday, I turn on my amp and start to play my bass guitar. This mother fucker comes upstairs (his room is all the way in the basement, mine's way upstairs) and tells me that I need to turn it down because he's trying to take a nap. At 5:30pm on a Friday. I swear I almost decked him in the face. What a little punk!!!!!!!!
UGH!!! Ok so having said all that, sorry if it seems like a rant, but I do need advice. This is clearly MY house, I earned it and earned the status of head of household. I also do not think there is any question about this, because regarding most other things, both of my roommates seem to have the understanding that I run shit around here. However, he still feels like he can come and tell me what to do, I should turn my shit down on friday night because he's tired from snowboarding all day when I've been busting my ass all week, I need to do my dishes, etc.. This angers me beyond belief, and quite frankly I don't care if anyone agrees with me how I run my house....but it's still my fucking house and I'll run it how I fucking please, I earned the right to do so. If they don't like it, they know where the door is...
How do I deal with this peacefully? I'm extremely bitter towards my roommate, when he says these things I make every effort in my ability to not just crack him in the mouth. I just feel like he's being a punk and being disrespectful, has absolutely NO business telling me what to do in MY house, and now that he's finally having sex regularly he thinks he's some kind of chesty tough guy or something.... Even if he;s not trying to do anything like that on purpose, he still needs to know that this is NOT ok and needs to stop NOW before things get real sour. Again, I NEVER whine at my roommates about anything ever, I could totally be that douchebag authority-complexed head of household roommate that is constantly pushing people around, making lists, giving orders, etc.....but I don't. The simple fact that he feels he needs to come and tell me to do my dishes is offensive and disrespectful to me and makes him out to be a fucking little punk trying to prove something.
Please help me not get all Brooklyn on this poor cul-de-sac kid.
To make a long story short, I'm 26, I moved to Seattle when I was 20, on my own, absolutely no family, friends, I've never been here, I didn't know my way around, wasn't even old enough to get into bars yet, so I had almost no way to meet peers. I moved here better my own life and become something bigger and better than what was available to me at the time in New York City. So, fast forward about 4 years, I established a good life, a social circle of good friends, a serious relationship with an amazing girl (still together!), saved up my money, got into 2 awesome bands and now performing on stage, successful career in software, and most relevantly to this conversation, a nice big house.
I've had a couple apartments and even another house that I had before this one, all of which I lived alone at, and maintained 100% on my own time, dollar and effort. Save for all the details, I've been through a bit in the past 6 years and definitely have a good idea what this whole adult thing is all about. So, I saved up my money, worked my ass off, and finally had enough money to rent a really sweet, newer house, lots of bedrooms, sweet basement, garage, just a perfect bachelor pad. So I sign all the paperwork, do all the leg work, put down all the money upfront (it was A LOT), put everything in my name, all the utilities, the lease, everything is through me. I decided to rent a couple of the bedrooms out to my friends, so I invite a couple to live with me. I decide we will all split the rent and bills evenly, but will I pay all the bills through my accounts, I deal with all the landlord situations, I'll deal with ALL the things that encompass maintaining and running a house, I even pay for the small repairs and such that need to be done, for example buying and installing new weatherstripping on the door, I handled it all and my roomies never even knew about it. All my roommates need to do is pay rent to me and simply do their part around the house, there are no set rules or schedule or anything like that, we're all adults, we know what we need to do. If you don't, and you need rules, then you probably shouldn't live here. I also should note that I NEVER tell anyone what to do, or to be quiet, or to clean their mess, or anything like that, I never bother anyone about anything, even if it bothers me. All in all, I'd say I make it pretty easy and fair for my friends. I even took one of the smallest rooms as my own simply to give my friends the better living quarters!
So, fast forward another couple years, a couple roommates moved in and out, all situations dealt with, I'm still here doing my thing as always. A friend of a friend was invited to move in because a previous roommate just moved out. He's a little younger than me, was living in his mom and dad's house, grew up in a nice neighborhood all his life, basically your run of the mill suburban momma's boy. Whatever, he seems smart, has a good job, good references through good friends of mine, and best of all he didn't seem like he had any kind of ego or douchebaggery or anything. I should also note that this good job he has is a "work" from home job, which really means he needs to check his email every couple hours, make sure there's no exploding servers, and just go back to masturbating or whatever it was you were doing while "working" from home. He goes snowboarding during "work" hours nearly every day. It works out well for a while, we're friends, we hang out, all that.
However as of recently, he seems to have some kind of misconception that he can tell me what to do. I don't know where it came from, maybe it's because he just recently got a girlfriend and has been acting different ever since. It started when one day, after an EXTREMELY stressful week at a new stressful position at work, I finally had a couple minutes to sit down and relax with my girlfriend. He gets home from vacation, and decides to come bother me while I'm with my girl to say that I need to do my dishes because "he came home from vacation and saw the same few dishes in there that were there when he left".
I almost lost it on him.... First and foremost, when I told him that I've been cooking little dinners for myself all week after my LONG ass days, and reusing the same dishes. I cook, put it in the sink, wash it to cook again, back in sink, wash to use again, etc.. When I told him this he was all "Ohh, I didn't realize..." Yeah FUCK YOU! This is MY fucking house, who the fuck is this kid to come and tell me I need to do my dishes? I EARNED the right to leave my fuckin' dish in the sink overnight if I fuckin' feel like it!! All factors considered, how I earned the house, what I do to maintain it, how long I've been here, what I go through at work and how he snowboards all day, and goes on vacation, then comes home and whines at me....I simply cannot stop letting this bother me!! WHO THE FUCK does he think he is??Then, to add insult to injury, again another LONG and STRESSFUL week, he's gone snowboarding and fucking his girlfriend all day, getting drunk every night again, I come home from work at 5:30PM on a Friday, I turn on my amp and start to play my bass guitar. This mother fucker comes upstairs (his room is all the way in the basement, mine's way upstairs) and tells me that I need to turn it down because he's trying to take a nap. At 5:30pm on a Friday. I swear I almost decked him in the face. What a little punk!!!!!!!!
UGH!!! Ok so having said all that, sorry if it seems like a rant, but I do need advice. This is clearly MY house, I earned it and earned the status of head of household. I also do not think there is any question about this, because regarding most other things, both of my roommates seem to have the understanding that I run shit around here. However, he still feels like he can come and tell me what to do, I should turn my shit down on friday night because he's tired from snowboarding all day when I've been busting my ass all week, I need to do my dishes, etc.. This angers me beyond belief, and quite frankly I don't care if anyone agrees with me how I run my house....but it's still my fucking house and I'll run it how I fucking please, I earned the right to do so. If they don't like it, they know where the door is...
How do I deal with this peacefully? I'm extremely bitter towards my roommate, when he says these things I make every effort in my ability to not just crack him in the mouth. I just feel like he's being a punk and being disrespectful, has absolutely NO business telling me what to do in MY house, and now that he's finally having sex regularly he thinks he's some kind of chesty tough guy or something.... Even if he;s not trying to do anything like that on purpose, he still needs to know that this is NOT ok and needs to stop NOW before things get real sour. Again, I NEVER whine at my roommates about anything ever, I could totally be that douchebag authority-complexed head of household roommate that is constantly pushing people around, making lists, giving orders, etc.....but I don't. The simple fact that he feels he needs to come and tell me to do my dishes is offensive and disrespectful to me and makes him out to be a fucking little punk trying to prove something.
Please help me not get all Brooklyn on this poor cul-de-sac kid.
