Returning home after long-term travel

[malakaix]

I just arrived home a couple of days ago after traveling overseas for just over 8 months.. naturally there's going to be an adjustment period but I'm really not coping well with this; it's difficult to explain how I feel about been home.. I feel like I failed, I feel like a child again, lost, depressed, directionless, unimportant and alone.

I feel like I found a genuine reason to live and get up each day; I met amazing people, new friends and even a relationship with a beautiful foreign girl. I was independent and driven, and each day presented me with new challenges.. and now coming home feels like going back to prison after been set free. I feel trapped..

And amongst it all.. guilty that I feel like this after having the opportunity to have such an amazing experience, I guess I became attached to the thrill of the unknown and now I don't know how to go back to my previous life.

I can't believe I actually feel suicidal from this; not that I would ever do it but the thought periodically shows up.. I left everything behind with the intention of not coming back but plans change and subsequently, I did return.

I am concerned of falling back into an ensuing rut and meaningless lifestyle. I need to believe I'm going somewhere in life otherwise I just fall into a dark void..

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope?

I'm currently maintaining my sanity by planning to go back in 6 months to work and live. I traveled and found a place that I liked more then my home country, of which I also have a passport to work there so I see no reason why I shouldn't but at the same time I can't shake the feeling that I'm running away from something..

What makes me consider this, is I often had nightmares of waking up back home while traveling and then a sigh of relief when I woke up and realised I was still overseas..

 

[luckyshot04]

I have never traveled overseas from the US to work, but I have been to Europe and almost every state in the US. I consider travel one of the greatest adventures because of that unknown, feeling of something new.

Having no experience with your situation though, when I read this, I had a thought; I just figured I'd pass it along.

It reminded me of a few people I've known (close family and one best friend) who moved from where we live (Rural area of Kentucky) to other parts of the US. My best friend moved from here to Los Angeles and loved it. We had a mutual friend that moved out there with his dad and off my buddy goes. He pulled his act together (drug use) and got a job out there. However, it didn't last long, he got hooked on black tar, and ended up coming back home. I've noticed he's changed since he's been back (mentally and appearance) in the last couple years.

That's the one good example I can think of to your situation. Furthermore, it reminds me of when I was a child, new kids would show up at school; They hated it, but most got used to it after awhile and loved it; And those that had to move after living here all their life didn't want to, but most that have, enjoy it.

It seems like you loved where you were at and you are disappointed to be back at your "home". With that being said, think positive about what you said. You're planning on going back in 6 months. So, that is one thing to look forward to. Remember, you've obviously went somewhere in life and you plan on reconnecting with that soon. I don't know about coping here, but if you can try to do the things that made you happy and you enjoyed where you were, that might help. You seem to like adventure, maybe go out and try some new things.

I hope this helps because I've never experienced your situation. But I can give you my opinion, which I hope uplifts you in some way. I always try to stay positive no mattter what. Don't let yourself fall into a rut. You won't go to the dark void unless you let yourself. And remember, you want to go back in six months, so you have to keep your sanity if you plan on doing that. Do anything you can while you are home to bring back that joyful feeling you had before.

Stay positive friend! Don't let those suicidal thoughts end up in your head, push them out with the good. I'm an optimist, just my way of thinking.

If things get too bad for you, maybe you should go see a professional and explain your feelings. It helps to open up (been there and it does help) and they can give you coping skills to help.

Don't wait until you're in the rut or the void to go seek help if you need it. Don't feel ashamed to do it either, we all need help at different times.

If you believe you should go speak with someone now, go ahead and make you an appointment.

Again, stay positive, those six months will pass before you know it; You may even get lucky and head back before then. You can do it, you obviously have ambition and drive; If not, you wouldn't have accomplished what you have. I always admired people with the determination of yourself, so you've got one fan in your corner!

Best Regards and Good Luck!

Stay Strong!

 

[malakaix]

Thankyou so much for the response luckyshot04!

I originally wrote out a long winded-depressed reply because I was still reflecting on what I had and where I am now, and then I had a realization.

Right now in my life, travel and moving around makes me happy.. it's what I want more then anything else in the world.. and I'm sick of finding reasons why I shouldn't do this.. I continually compare myself to friends or people I meet who have established themselves with a career or study and feel I should be doing this, but if I really felt like I should be doing it.. I probably would be.

So I think I will plan to go back in 6 months.. one-way and just travel and work until I feel like I need to change; the adult in me is freaking out because there's no certainty any of it will work and there's no financial safety net.

But I felt the same fear when I took off 8 months ago; and it was the best decision I've ever made in my life.. I feel like coming back was a mistake but in a way I guess it helped me see what it is I truly want from life at this point in time, I have the rest of my life to settle down..

Once again thanks for the post! It put a lot of confusion into perspective.. I'm feeling much more optimistic, that if it makes me happy I should pursue it regardless of what society or people expect of me.

 

[Wyld 4 X]

Don't look at being home as a negative. Think of it is a chance to study what you did on your travels. Now is the time to relive all of your moments in pictures and put things together for friends and family. Think of what you would do again, differently or additionally. What places you really liked and what places you wouldnt bother visiting again. I'm sure there are some things you missed along the way. Now is the perfect time to make a plan to see these! Focus your energy on looking back at your experiences ans how you will preserve them for the future. Write a blog, post pics, etc. online. Make something that you can pass along to others who may not be as fortunate as you have been with your travels. Plus, I bet the people you feel are above you in career and life will be envious of what you have been able to do. And if not, so be it, you have found what makes you happy. In no time it will be 6 months and you will be embarking on another journey of your own happiness.

Being ex-military, my biggest adjustment when returning from deployments was getting out of every day routines and learning to relax. To this day, I still look forward to going home but at the same time, I love traveling as well. I'm also an even keeled personality type and dont let my highs get too high and lows get too low.

 

[Changed]

Well malakai, we've been in the same boat in many different situations, it seems. I spent this summer traveling, looking for myself 'out there' and had many of the same experiences you talked about. I was hiking mountains, camping in the woods, living a healthy lifestyle, meeting tons of great people from all around the world. Living in the moment, for sure. That's what's so great about travel: you're forced to live in the present, otherwise you're fucked. New experiences constantly, and that is the best feeling in the world.

Now I'm back in the city that I've lived in the past three years and where I saved up the money to travel in the first place. I'm barely breaking even right now, waiting for shifts to open up at work, and it is quite depressing to think that I've been here since... October and haven't saved a penny. My plan is also to get back out into the world, only in a more permanent basis. The one thing that keeps me positive is maintaining a little routine, setting goals (whether they be financial, or otherwise), working-out to release some stress, stay in shape, boost the 'ol self-esteem, and of course keeping up with meditation.

It's easy to get depressed about being back at home, but you and I both know that you can't have happiness without agony or travel without paying for it-- they're both one and the same, so be here now.

 

[insanobueno]

I've returned the previous year from a 4 month travel trough asia.
this was hands down the best experience in life I had. Upon returning home I felt the same as you. I had to go to university but i felt my life had no direciton. I wanted (still do) to return to live as a free bird again as soon as possible. But I can't for financial reasons and I have to have a university degree. So I went to university.
My god.. I hated it there, I chose a major which totally didn't suite me. Very stupid. I quit university this year and I'm going to try again next year. I'll have to make it work than. This year, I'm going on a 2 month travel . I feel you man. It's the best experience there is. Upon returning home you go from a free bird to a slave to society.

Good luck with it!

 

[malakaix]

Its really awesome to have so much feedback from others who have also experienced this, i really appreciate it!

Im feeling a great deal more optimistic then i was when i first posted this; as you mentioned Changed. Setting those goals in place and developing some kind of routine can make a world of difference.. i have plans and ideas about what i want to do next, that also involve moving back on a more permanent basis, i think what really struck me down initially was comparing my current situation to the lifestyle i was living and especially my romance with a europeon girl and then coming back to where i was before i left, essentially with nothing. It's wasn't quite failure or going backwards but it was easy to feel as though i just lost a big part of myself that i had only just discovered.. and that was depressing.

But i now see it as an opportunity to save money, plan and put into action how im going to make it work by heading back over. This is what i want in life right now, theres no security in this.. but as you guys are also aware; nothing feels more fulfilling then the freedom of meeting new people, constant change, new places, experiences and building connections. You really are in the present, you cant escape it.. and that is very addictive for someone like myself!

I hope your able to move out into the world on a more permanent basis Changed! It'll certainly give me hope that it can work :D

insanobueno: thats been the decision i've had to come back to and confront. Do i look into focusing on study or try and continue moving around, working here and there for a little longer.. and considering i dont feel that committed to study right now, and am unsure of what i would study i think it would be a bad move on my behalf and i'd probably end up also choosing something that didnt suit me and then dropping it. I hope you have fun on your next trip! Its definitely the best experience one can have

 

[quaff]

Perhaps the depression is related to having gone through this fantastic experience, not being able to find people around you who can relate? I lived in the UK for a year, felt like I just didn't fit in until 7 months over there, moved back, and felt like I'd changed from my experience, but everyone I know here is the same. As much as you stay in touch with people, it's not the same. I wouldn't take the experience back though, it was amazing. I love travel and seeing the world. Not having that excitement of being surrounded by new things and having new experiences, and going back to what you know is totally depressing, for me at least.

It sounds like you're on a wonderful adventure, and being smart about it. Enjoy!

 

[sconnie420]

How do you cope?

Just keep focusing on going back and planning your new life. Home is where the heart is and yours is clearly not where you are currently residing.

It sounds like your travels were super fun..

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

The only bit of advice I can give is this:

You said that you are planning to go back in 6 months to work/live/etc.
Don't have expectations of it being the same as you left it, because you will most likely be disappointed.

Take it for what it was, and move on. Remember that time fondly- and anytime you are down in the dumps, remember that it IS possible to have and achieve happiness.

Nothing stays the same forever. And before you give up, or don't allow yourself to experience new and other wonderful things- realize that. Realize that nothing stays the same forever. Because you'll end up too busy trying to live in the past, than to let other wonderful things flourish.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

Are you back living with your parents after being away?

 

[malakaix]

Are you back living with your parents after being away?

I am yes, i left the place i was sharing rent with before going overseas because i wasn't sure how long i would be gone.. plus also returning home with little money. I've taken this into account though, it's a crippling sensation to be living independently abroad for so long and then coming home and having to rely on the support of parents, but it's giving me an opportunity to organize myself and i get along with them well; we treat each other as equals.

I'm doing well now, working full-time again to save money.. focusing on a workout routine to keep me occupied when im not working, and making every effort to meet up with friends to keep me socially engaged. Having that goal of going back in 6 months time has given me some structure and motivation to put in the effort to make this work..

Thanks for the advice iLoveYouWithaKnife. I will be trying my hardest not to go back with expectations although i'm sure they will come up, but your absolutely right.. everything changes and nothing ever remains the same. My main focus when i go back this time will be on work or volunteer work, whereas before it was purely travel and leisure, so i think it will definitely be a different experience. Hopefully it comes together.. but ill never know if i don't try..