Resenting Psychs

[Jamshyd]

This is percisely why I have not tripped seriously* for over 2 years now.

When it gets to the point where all the trip is about is "why did I take this?", you know it is time to stop - and I say this as someone who rarely ever tripped more than once per month back when I used psychedelics with regularity.

I think it is very important to take very long breaks in order to integrate the psychedelic experience, which IMO is 99% mud and 1% gold and diamond. It takes a long time without psychedelics in order to "separate the subtle from the gross, gently and with great ingenuity" (to quote 3 famous people ).

I actually have been given samples of a couple of psychedelics (DOM and Mescaline of all things!) by a friend, yet I am in no rush to try them, even though I have always wanted to. Their time will come when it does.

* I do not count dissociatives as psychedelic, and even then my last use was more than 6 months ago. To be fair, I also do not include a single low-dose DET trip - that was just too interesting to not try .

 

[psood0nym]

This is percisely why I have not tripped seriously* for over 2 years now.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like your reasons are the same as the OP's. The OP's motivation for taking a break is that they're worried that the rest of their sober life will feel degraded in comparison to the experiences they have while tripping. Your reason seems to be that psychedelics stopped being productive for you.

 

[Jamshyd]

^ It is, at the end, the same thing:

I feel now like there is no sober way to achieve that same sense of meaning or clarity or satisfaction while thinking of these concepts. It is something that logic cannot help with, and religious groups don't seem to deal with anymore. It seems that this is how psychedelic drugs can become psychologically addictive, wanting to always be aware of that 'answer.' I think a few of my friends are really struggling with that at the moment. I've stopped taking drugs for a while at least.

A real danger of psychedelics is that they can become easy tools into fooling one's self into thinking they "got it all" when in fact they are simply high all the time.

To make an analogy, I suppose if you stare at a photograph of a place for long enough, you'd start believing that the photograph IS the place, and the place itself ceases to be of relevance. Especially when you're high .

If someone is afraid that life will become bad without psychedelics, then they are clearly not being productive for that person, but rather destructive.

 

[rincewindrocks]

It's just how I feel right now, does anyone else ever have regret or resentment of their psychedelic drug use because they realise they can only ever achieve this sense of cosmic contentment while loaded?

Do you want to feel it all the time? Cause I sure as hell don't. For me, that feeling is one to be cherished and explored, not accepted. I enjoy using psychs anywhere from once a week to once every 3-4 months, depending on circumstance, but I never take them for granted nor do I assume they are *real* in the sense that any insights will still make sense when I come down. That being said, they are a fun and useful tool for exploring myself.

 

[Bardeaux]

I would also add meditation to that list. Sure it takes some time and effort to do it regularly and learn effective techniques, but the rewards can be amazing if you stick to it. It is the (other) classic pathway to enlightenment.

I was going to bring up meditation. Now personally, I'm not a great meditater. I find it extremely difficult to reach higher levels of awarness through natural methods as opposed to simply taking drugs, but I also find no negative consequences for meditating daily. When I use psychedelics too often its usually too much to integrate properly and it causes more damage than insight.

 

[MarkRenton]

I find that I am able to achieve that state momentarily at various times, usually while outside in nature. And while discussing those kinds of concepts. I value psychedelic drugs for opening me up to those experiences in the first place, and for every so often being able to still take me there.

Exactly how I feel. We aren't quite meant to live in that acid state forever, it's too taxing on our current brains (perhaps future evolved brains can handle that state of super awareness better). I love acid, and even plan to trip this week, but I know that the message is just to appreciate the life you have and to really participate in this experience. If I was on acid all the time, that would be impossible.

 

[divinefeeling]

Psychedelics showed me a lot of cosmic ideas, and also some things i could apply to every day life, listed below:
-Life is full of infinite possibilities.
-Biases/judgments are vague and way too general in nature anyways.
-MOST importantly, the past is completely irrelevant (it's like a trick our mind plays on us in order to define our ego in terms of past experiences we have had). Since life is full of infinite possibilities you aren't really bounded by your past to define your current experiencing self.

Therefore all that matters is the current moment and the subjective experience of the moment.

For example:
Pre-LSD I thought: "We're all gonna die eventually, so what's the point ? Everyday life is meaningless in the big picture and our lives are just worthless. Stupid people just haven't realized that and depend psychologically on Jesus or whatever religion to avoid this depressing thought to stay happy and thus blissfully ignorant."

Post-LSD: Those happy people are the absolute shit! GENIUSES. It's not that they are blissfully ignorant at all. They understood intuitively what is important in life and chose not to fall prey to these negative thinking patterns which corrode the experience.

If you want my advice, live in the moment, it's that simple. Think less, feel more. Taste, smell, touch, listen, perceive, EXPERIENCE. I think that is what life is. Not accumulating a fortune, or reaching an enlightenment (no offense to other posters), or whatever you think you desire to obtain physically, mentally, or spiritually. It's the experience, period. Enjoy it while you can and don't make a huge thinking mess about it! You are currently "experiencing" that mess, but you don't have to. It's your conscious choice.
Just my 2 cents.
Peace

 

[divinefeeling]

By the way, i know you may not think like i did pre-lsd at all.. Frankly, all of what i said applies to my subjective experience only. However, i hope it might help.

Good luck with everything

 

[psychicpsycho]

I dont regret or hate my experiences because my experiences on psychs have taught me that regret and hate are just wasted emotions and detrimental to your existence.

its how you use what youre given.

 

[Marvo Ging]

I'm still taking baby steps regarding psychs, the low doses and all, so I never had any trip revelations yet, at least any that I wasn't kind of aware before, but I can understand how someone can have an urge to trip, it makes the world "less boring", it gives new meaning to everything, and acid can also give you some plain biochemical euphoria that is hard not to enjoy. But what I realy miss is the afterglow, that pure peace that doesn't allow you to get upset about anything and just makes the world a little bit nicer. Psychs aren't harming my every day life so I have no reason to resent them.

 

[medical_meccanica]

Thanks so much for all your replies, guys! Every single one of them has had some really helpful insights and I really appreciate you taking my post seriously.

If you want my advice, live in the moment, it's that simple. Think less, feel more. Taste, smell, touch, listen, perceive, EXPERIENCE. I think that is what life is. Not accumulating a fortune, or reaching an enlightenment (no offense to other posters), or whatever you think you desire to obtain physically, mentally, or spiritually. It's the experience, period. Enjoy it while you can and don't make a huge thinking mess about it! You are currently "experiencing" that mess, but you don't have to. It's your conscious choice.
Just my 2 cents.
Peace

Your whole post was fantastic, divinefeeling, it really hit the nail on the head. I've pretty much had the same pre-LSD and post-LSD feelings in regard to religion and how people are making sense of being conscious of the short time we are given. What I really struggle with is that I have a tendency to want to know everything. I am a big believer in psychotherapy and find it extremely useful and full of life, it is a wonderful way of exploring myself. I also take part a more 'edgy' form of group psychotherapy called psychodrama, which is a really remarkable thing and if the name catches anyone I suggest they look it up

But what really started my problems with psychs, I think, it that it became easy to compare these two processes and define use of drugs as personal development. Psychedelic experiences can and will most likely show new ways of thinking about things, but it became in my mind a way of discovering myself as easily as pressing a button, without needing to put any work or effort in. The fact that I placed such high value and meaning on these experiences while my friends most likely did not also probably played a part in creating experiences that were confusing and hard to integrate.

What really stopped me in my drug use was the fact that I realised that this pursuit of knowledge did not feel like life, and that I was never going to get the external cosmic answer to my ultimate question of 'why?' because that answer is subjective. I didn't want to get to my deathbed and realise that I spent all the energy and time in my life thinking about an unanswerable question.

You have two choices you can make right now, and I'm pretty sure you should make it now:
1. Continue exploring with psychedelics and realize the truth behind psychedelics, the guided force behind them. How it is ONLY psychedelics that can bring you there, and you can enter the spiritual realm. Release yourself from thoughts like:

It does not matter, you know how you stop having bias on other peopel? Stop judgeing your own thoughts. Maybe you have a self confidence problem?
and

Why does it matter? Isn't whats important that you are having cosmic feelings and not the fact that you took drugs or didn't take drugs. I'd guess you grew up in a background biased from drugs.

-end option 1-

2. Realize that psychedelics are a great tool, how to avoid that hippy-shit-think up there, and use them accordingly, like a scientist or a researcher, just watching or analyzing.

-end option 2-

3. Realize that psychedelics are just another addiction, used by the weird personalities. That wanting knowledge is just another justification. That its just another high, with eyecandy, psuedo-deep thought. Your just another junky.

I found your post really interesting for a lot of reasons, and I think your first option was what I was really getting into in the first year of using psychs heavily. My stopping of using psychs lately has probably been linked to me realising that this is not the option I want to take. This is probably because, like I said earlier, my experience of this path is that it is putting a lot of time and energy into trying to answer an unanswerable question. I see great value in the exploration of spirituality and philosophy that psychs can help provide, however for me this true exploration can really subtly start to be an act and a justification for not being present in my life.

This is possibly where my conflict is coming from. I jumped in headfirst into psychedelics and wanted them to encapsulate my life, and so I was therefore taking option 1, as you put it. Now that I have realised that this option is not how I want to live my life, I am in a struggle to decide between 2 and 3

My close friends, who embarked on psychedelic drug use alongside me, very habitually smoke weed and take LSD (as I have until recently). They seem to me to be extremely unhappy and I truly believe that their use of these drugs as thought provokers and a purposeful use of time is an escape from thinking about and altering their everyday lives in a way that provides meaning and satisfaction when they are not loaded on anything.

In my own experience option 2 all too easily and subtly can become option 3. This is what is hard for me to come to terms with, because I want to be present and to have my life full of life! I worry that ANY use of psychedelics will lead to option 3 for me, as I have been there before.

Sorry for writing my diary out here! I find this stuff hard to talk about because I don't know where to start, and then I don't know when to stop

 

[Clusterone666]

With a bit of luck, your life is ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of your favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things you'll never know.

(with apologies to Hunter S Thompson)

Haha that made me laugh thank you
But no, you can achieve the same prosperity and feeling sober as you can high, think of it this way, drugs are a 'Booster' to your mind. When you take a drug, it amplifies SOMETHING to make you feel however, if your mind can do that with a booster, it can do that with nothing, if it can do it at all, it can do it sober and high, someone told me that they can achieve the same state of being as someone on a extremely high dose of acid, when there alone in there house meditating. It's just for some people, they like doing psychedelics to help them get there, shit, i meditate (or learning how to) But i still love doing psychedelics to help get out there.

 

[ResinTeeth]

I mean once you get the message, hang up the phone if at all possible. Sure, it's nice to go back and visit the novel world of psychedelia, but you kind of get "it" and then it's your job to apply "it".

I'm constantly seeking ways to better myself and enrich my life. Never lose your curiosity and keep a healthy sense of wonder about everything.

Occasionally just take a moment out of your day, don't stop what you are doing, but take a moment to fully realize the beauty and complexity of the simple fact that you are here, now, existing, doing whatever it is you are doing. That in itself is awesome.

 

[Solipsis]

I feel lately like the one reason I regret my use of LSD is that it gave me again and again such a sense of meaning and happiness while dealing with issues that are larger than my own life. Like the inevitability of change in the universe and just my small place in the cosmos in general.

I feel now like there is no sober way to achieve that same sense of meaning or clarity or satisfaction while thinking of these concepts. It is something that logic cannot help with, and religious groups don't seem to deal with anymore. It seems that this is how psychedelic drugs can become psychologically addictive, wanting to always be aware of that 'answer.' I think a few of my friends are really struggling with that at the moment. I've stopped taking drugs for a while at least.

It's just how I feel right now, does anyone else ever have regret or resentment of their psychedelic drug use because they realise they can only ever achieve this sense of cosmic contentment while loaded?

Just wondering

Yes I've had this, but it changed when I realized (got it from a book) a mystical experience and awakening are two different things. What you are talking about that is so elusive and profound is mystical and yes it can be an addiction-like search that I am sure has had enough people desperate at one point or another.

There is an underlying profoundness of reality that is the exact opposite of a mystical experience, being awakened and especially in a non-altered state of consciousness. This is where the actual abiding root of peace lies, which is - I believe - a trap all too many fall into.

Even when realizing that you still need to integrate it and put that balance in your life.
I've never resented psychedelics but have felt a sadness of missing my innocence and the magic of the first time(s). One time soon I could use some seriously deep soul digging because I haven't had a good proper confronting trip in a very long time.

In the meanwhile it is just out of control curiosity to get a grasp of as much as possible, but in the last while I have done that with tryptamine RCs that havent been able to shake my core yet like mushrooms can.

 

[Detrevni]

I wished I had never had the experience, as it seemed like it was easier to be satisfied in life blind to the bigger picture like so many others were. But then I came to terms with it and it brings my life so much richness and beauty.

Quote FTW there. It took me a long time to feel that way though. All of a sudden one day, i realized all of these truths i've learned over the years cannot be unlearned. By that point I had already unlocked so many doors that I was a completely different person than when i started. That's not necessarily a bad thing though. Overall I wouldn't change a thing.