Hey. I've decide to try microdosing. I have the relevant materials, so I will let you know how it goes. I'll be self growing and will be sure to do the relevant research before attempting this. I not in this to get high - I just want to live a fuller and more productive life, and make the most of my relative youth whilst I can.
In other news, I've unfortunately found myself in the grip of a sodding Loperamide addiction. Not only is it costing me a shit ton of money, but it brings back horrific memories of coming off absurdly high daily amounts of upto Dihydrocodine. So am in the process of tapering off.
I know that I have to take personal responsibility for ending up here (again) but I do feel that had the medical community
a) diagnosed me sooner so that my condition could gave been managed sooner instead of assuming munchausens (speculation on my part,but...) and
b) Would take the pain more seriously
Then I'd not have to seek alternatives.
For anyone still reading this, or coming across this post - before you even consider going to see a doctor and confessing your addiction issues AND you have a legitimate long term diagnosis of a condition causing long term chronic pain, then think very carefully first.
Because, it's highly likely that, when you have developed a tolerance to your pain meds or the pain gets worse, your doctor will just say 'lolz drug seeker' and you're fucked. You'll be under suspicion for the rest of your life. You may find that every interaction with any doctor will be tainted. Forever. Doctors may associate your history with addiction as a moral failing, and a party lifestyle.
You may find that, if you're still on pain medication then every other year out of the out of the blue you'll experience a push to reduce or get you off painkillers entirely. You may be told about 'research showing that opiates actually cause pain due to a paradoxical effect in the brain.
If you're on opiates, and have a history of addiction, when asked about your pain you may end up in a catch 22 situation, since, stating that your pain isn't under control will just lead to a doctor saying 'yeah, coz opiates don't work - so best not prescribe them to you anymore'...and, of course, if you say 'yes, my pain is under control' when it isn't then they'll probably just say 'great! Let's reduce them a bit.' Once you've admitted to having an opiate addiction, despite the fact that the medical system got you hooked on the first place, and/or despite the fact that you're taking them because you're generally in pain, there's no going back and doctors may hone in on that for the rest of your life, and you'll never ever be trusted ever again. Even in situations where you're simply reporting that your condition has got worse but you AREN'T asking for painkillers, there's a good chance that even that will be viewed with suspicion, and it will just be viewed as a long term ruse to get painkillers in the future.
Basically, there is a huge risk that, for the rest of your life, doctors will be constantly suspicious and your prior report of addiction will always be the over-riding factor for any and all treatment. Ultimately, you may find that doctors prioritising 'managing your addiction' over manging your pain - ultimately meaning that they'll me more focused on that than ensuring that you have a decent quality of life.
Asking for help is often deemed, patronisingly as 'so so brave;' framed as the 'right thing to do' and 'praiseworthy.' But, whilst addiction is supposedly for life and a 'disease' itself, then so is the the stigma associated with it, which will affect you for the rest of your life, perhaps making it worse. You're a statistic, and getting you off the evil drugs is a measure of success.
I'll caveat this by saying that, for some people in some situation, asking for help may s the lesser of two evils. I'm talking from the perspective of someone with several chronic health conditions that cause severe widespread pain.
If your addiction is so severe that it has put your life at serious risk - once is enough - then get help.
I do not want to be responsible for someone else being out in harms way.
I told doctors about it literally about 6 months before the opioid epidemic became big news, so this didn't help.
But if you're going to ask for help from your doctor, just make sure you're making an informed choice. I never thought it would be like this, and my honesty and decision to do the right thing has had very negative ramifications.
Ironically, the 'help' I received was so terrible (including them drug testing me and getting a false positive, which obviously made me more distrusted - and yes, they admitted they'd made a mistake)that I ended up leaving the programme and sorting it myself. Which was hellish, but had I remained under the so called treatment programme I'd have probably deliberately killed myself.
This was 9ish years ago. So you can bet your life I'm not going to my doctor about my loperamide habit.
Peace out.
