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Relationships with people who do not take drugs/look down on drugs and drug users

acidhermione

acidhermione

Bluelighter
Joined
May 8, 2012
Messages
112
Location
Scotland
Has anyone had relationships with people that are entirely intolerant of drug use etc?

I know relationships must exist where couples have variable interests or usage but what about when your other half does not tolerate drug use at all/ holds a low and unshakable opinion of those who take drugs?


I don't really feel like I want or need a relationship however over the past year I have been in a situation twice with two different people whereby I get on with them and feel a mutual understanding and attraction but have had t walk away purely because both of them came from drug intolerant backgrounds and were openly vocal about their opinions on drugs and those who use them. I came so close on many occasions to say something but then I knew they would never understand as they were very much sure that they were right. So instead I walked away and refused to take things any further

I feel now that I definitely couldn't go or feel entirely comfortable being with someone who wasn't cool with drugs. I feel bad about that because I am just as bad as those who hold prejudice against drug users and refuse to be associated with people who try drugs, only I'm the reverse. I've just given up entirely on those types of people judge negatively upon drug users because I can't be bothered trying to educate or make them understand as I'm so used to them refusing to accept or even listen to the other side. All they see is 'DRUGS = EVIL/DEATHS/ILLEGAL/LOSERS/WASTERS/JUNKIES'.

I don't have any addictions and my use is recreational and influenced by my own curiosity. Is it ever possible or worth trying to convert or make someone understand (not necessarily make them try drugs, but try to understand drug culture?) drugs when they clearly don't want to? Is it possible for people with vastly differing opinions on drugs to get together?
 
Yea, the guy I've been seeing lately only drinks Soda through a straw. As far as he knows I only take "sleeping pills".
 
I've had the type of relationship where me and my bf are both drug users. And I've also had the other kind where I have to keep it a secret from my bf. It is nice to be with somebody who understands you on that level BUT I would prefer my bf to not use. Bfs that weren't drug users were more motivated, ambitious, open, reliable, and more financial stable (yay for me). Mu current relationship is odd. My bf knows I've used in the past but he thinks I'm clean now. I'm gon let him keep running with that idea. It makes him sleep better at night. And of course there was the ultimatum: get clean or we gotta break up. So I got clean (i.e. started lying about my drug use).
 
lying about who you are and trying to change someone else are two of the most effective ways i know of to undermine a relationship. i'm not saying it's impossible, but the odds are that it won't work out well.
 
I've only been one relationship since I started with drugs and he was the one that introduced me to them. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who was against drugs though. I mean, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who had completely different morals. Maybe just a "friends with benefits" type thing would be okay. Or a potential relationship. But for a potential, casual relationship to evolve into a serious relationship, that would have to mean the other person was at least okay with drugs and understanding.

But ideally, I'd want someone on the same page as me regarding drugs. Otherwise it could result in a lot of lying and avoiding. I'm not saying it couldn't work for others, but it is likely that it wouldn't. I know it certainly wouldn't work for me.
 
My wife doesn't use drugs, and it's never caused any major problems for us. That said, I took great pains at the beginning of our relationship to convince her that I'd never let my use of drugs have any adverse effects on her or our relationship. And in the end, I proved to her that yes, one can use recreational drugs moderately, the same way other people drink or gamble or do violent sports moderately, and be a good guy who lives a normal, respectable life.

That said, my wife is someone who's not prejudiced against drugs and drug users -- her own sister, aunt, and 2 good friends of hers have all done their fair share. She's just not into it herself.

There's a big difference between someone who doesn't do drugs, but accepts drug and drug use as a normal part of their world that people around them do, versus someone for whom drugs and drug users are entirely alien. Provided his/her use doesn't cause problems for their SO, I could see a drug user making a relationship work with the former. But not the latter, in most cases.
 
double ewe said:
lying about who you are and trying to change someone else are two of the most effective ways i know of to undermine a relationship. i'm not saying it's impossible, but the odds are that it won't work out well.
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Amen!

Gotta be free to be me, i always say:-)
 
double ewe said:
lying about who you are and trying to change someone else are two of the most effective ways i know of to undermine a relationship. i'm not saying it's impossible, but the odds are that it won't work out well.
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Well said, I completely agree. I don't believe that a relationship IS a relationship until both parties know, accept and love each other for who they are and that doesn't work when there is lies or an acute difference in opinions.




MyDoorsAreOpen said:
My wife doesn't use drugs, and it's never caused any major problems for us. That said, I took great pains at the beginning of our relationship to convince her that I'd never let my use of drugs have any adverse effects on her or our relationship. And in the end, I proved to her that yes, one can use recreational drugs moderately, the same way other people drink or gamble or do violent sports moderately, and be a good guy who lives a normal, respectable life.

That said, my wife is someone who's not prejudiced against drugs and drug users -- her own sister, aunt, and 2 good friends of hers have all done their fair share. She's just not into it herself.

There's a big difference between someone who doesn't do drugs, but accepts drug and drug use as a normal part of their world that people around them do, versus someone for whom drugs and drug users are entirely alien. Provided his/her use doesn't cause problems for their SO, I could see a drug user making a relationship work with the former. But not the latter, in most cases.
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That's a lovely example. Thank you for sharing. In my case both the guys had no personal experience or understanding of drugs, believed that pot or othe r'soft' drugs were completely unacceptable etc. I think it would be lovely to love and accept someone fully regardless of their drug use and of course only if their drug use does not in any way impinge on the relationship.
 
it's pretty tough not to have drugs impact your relationship if you are a big drug user. How would your drug free partner react to you tripping/k holing? probably not well lol. Or if you're abusing any drugs whatsoever. Sure recreational use may be fine and not impact a relationship but once drugs start affecting your moods/personality then they immediately start affecting your relationship, especially if finances become an issue.

If you like to smoke cannabis on the weekends and have a job, there shouldn't be any issues, but if you're a drug addict or dependent on drugs, inevitably you're going to run into situations where your SO is impacted severely. Even if you just get really fucked up on weekends, the hangovers, feeling like shit during the week, craving the next high will impact a relationship.
 
My past is checkered, to say the least.

At this point in my life I am willing to choose being alone to pretending to be something I am not. I also will not shrink away from the realities of my past experiences and life choices--good and bad.

Take it or leave it.
 
MyDoorsAreOpen said:
my wife is someone who's not prejudiced against drugs and drug users -- her own sister, aunt, and 2 good friends of hers have all done their fair share. She's just not into it herself.

There's a big difference between someone who doesn't do drugs, but accepts drug and drug use as a normal part of their world that people around them do, versus someone for whom drugs and drug users are entirely alien. Provided his/her use doesn't cause problems for their SO, I could see a drug user making a relationship work with the former. But not the latter, in most cases.
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So true! That is awesome that it works!!!
I find that very few non-drug users are actually accepting of drugs though. It is unfortunate but you are lucky to have found one of them :)
 
I've tried faking it before, and it lead to misery. I can't do it anymore. All my friends and romantic partners must understand that getting altered is part of my lifestyle. I'm a responsible user but I'm still a user. If they have moral objections then they are welcome to go hang out with someone else.

I have to admit, I have a hard time relating to people who have never got high once in their life, or who have only known alcohol. It would be impossible for me to be partnered to someone who has zero drug experience. I can handle sobriety, but not ignorance.

I respect a person's choice to not do drugs, but I look down on people who are so ignorant that they harshly judge all drug users. It's called reading a book or using Google, ffs.
 
RobotRipping said:
it's pretty tough not to have drugs impact your relationship if you are a big drug user. How would your drug free partner react to you tripping/k holing? probably not well lol. Or if you're abusing any drugs whatsoever. Sure recreational use may be fine and not impact a relationship but once drugs start affecting your moods/personality then they immediately start affecting your relationship, especially if finances become an issue.

If you like to smoke cannabis on the weekends and have a job, there shouldn't be any issues, but if you're a drug addict or dependent on drugs, inevitably you're going to run into situations where your SO is impacted severely. Even if you just get really fucked up on weekends, the hangovers, feeling like shit during the week, craving the next high will impact a relationship.
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Exactly. I come home and smoke marijuana most evenings. Plus there are a few friends I have that I meet up with a couple times a year, and tend to end up doing other drugs as well. I'm prescribed Adderall and take a low dose of DXM daily for therapeutic purposes.

I do not drive high. I do not use drugs in front of my kids. I do not leave drugs or paraphernalia lying around. I do not go to work high. I never even talk about recreational drugs with anyone I know from a work setting. My wife has never had to babysit me. She has never had to get up in the middle of the night and pick me up from some god-forsaken part of town, or from a police station. I have never spent money we needed for something else on drugs. I have never pawned anything of hers or ours for drug money. There has never been anyone violent or vindictive hunting me down as a result of my drug use. I have never caused her social stress by letting one of her drug-disapproving friends or family know that I use. I haven't lost a job or ended up in the hospital. And most of all, I have never become abusive, neglectful, or a needy drama queen while fuctup.

Seriously, what's she got to complain about? To all of you who argue adamantly that there is such a thing as responsible adult drug use, be living proof of it. Anyone who still rejects you for your drug use, despite this, is probably not a good match for you, value-wise.
 
double ewe said:
lying about who you are and trying to change someone else are two of the most effective ways i know of to undermine a relationship. i'm not saying it's impossible, but the odds are that it won't work out well.
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Yeah you are right about that. It's not working, hasn't been working for years. I have no hope that it will be better. It's basically my own laziness that's holding me back from leaving dude. We live together and I don't feel like packing my shit (yet again) to move. I dunno if you were talking to me directly or throwing that out there but I felt it necessary to explain further.
 
yeah, strange at first to say the least. a girl i dated for like 3 years and thought i would be with, well, forever, was a casual drinker and said she smoked weed sometimes, or before or whatever. so on our first time at a bar we had a few drinks and i had wanted to get bud earlier in the day but didnt bc of work, so i str8 up asked her, want to go to my boys and get some bud? she was like uhhh ok. (i later found out that she was kinda surprised i was so chill about it, she said she could tell i smoke weed and in my head im thinking ohhh if only you knew the half of it lol)

we start dating, i eventually tell her im on methadone, and a recovering IV heroin addict and that ive had a long relationship with drugs, trying a lot of them ect. by the time we broke up we were taking xanax and smoking pot every day. she had never tried anything besides weed and a painkiller before, and here she was getting down on all this stuff. she was kinda a heavy drinker at first but once we started smoking together more she all but quit the drinking save a glass of fine here and there. she even did k with me once, happened to order some pharms from PK and the guy sent 2 free vials of k, cooked them up and she snorted it, after saying how she would never put anything up her nose. well on that night she did too much, fell into a k hole, thought she was our cat....lol yes, thought she was a cat. but yeah, its weird dating a non drug user, i never held a gun to her head and said use drugs or you dont love me! i think she had her own curiosities.

on the other hand, its waaaay better than dating a drug addict, esp if its the same drug you do. 2 heroin users together can get ugly quick, that is from experience. having to share your drugs all the time, getting a guilt trip otherwise....yeah, thats a tough relationship to manage.
 
MyDoorsAreOpen said:
Seriously, what's she got to complain about? To all of you who argue adamantly that there is such a thing as responsible adult drug use, be living proof of it. Anyone who still rejects you for your drug use, despite this, is probably not a good match for you, value-wise.
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indeed great post, that's exactly my aim at this point in my life, in the past i've certainly fucked up and it affected my gf to a great degree but despite my current drug use, things are stable. There are still people who don't accept me as a drug addict, like my family, they know i am one but don't openly talk about it. To them, so long as i keep my shit together and don't ruin my life, they don't really care either. At first it was a huge issue but mostly because i was a huge issue being blacked out all the time. Now that i have my shit together, they couldn't tell if i were on drugs or not anyway.

So long as your drug use isn't impacting yours or another's life negatively (and sometimes it's hard to judge for yourself if that's the case, have to remain objective and take a step back sometimes) then there is no problem and only an ignorant person would take issue with it.

and yeah it's very hard to relate to someone who is so closed minded to refuse to ever try a drug (except alcohol/tobacco/coffee). It's like trying to get along with a Christian fundamentalist, it's just not going to work out if your values/view of the world differs by such a great degree. I've been friends with people who only drink and they were cool with my drug use, but those were just friends, not SOs. I've also unintentionally corrupted a fair number of those people, which isn't cool but maybe it broadened their horizons.

At the same time, it's impossible to have a stable relationship with two huge addicts, especially if their drug of choice is the same. Somewhere there's a balance, my gf isn't a drug addict but used to trip with me, done plenty of stims, daily stoner. Before i met her she was put off by my extreme drug use (as were many girls i met as well) but once she became educated about drug use, didn't really see it as an issue, so long as i didn't leave us both completely broke due to my drug use.
 
Noodle said:
At this point in my life I am willing to choose being alone to pretending to be something I am not.
Click to expand...

Yeah basically. I can't ever see myself getting in a relationship with someone who's intolerant to drug users, or else he'd have to be really special...because A) it's a ridiculously judgemental and ignorant stance and B) I don't want to have to pretend to be someone I'm not or to lie about my past. Lying about something so big or important is a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

I'm sure it can work sometimes but it's just a shame really. I dunno...no one should feel judged or ashamed for something like that in front of their partner :\
 
If the person is intolerant to drug users / or who looks down upon them etc - It would not even reach the stage of a relationship.
 
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