Relationships 101?

[Maniaz]

imo OP you should find a writers group or something. a group where you get together every so often and talk about writing stuff or what ever. you might find a girl just like you who shares the same interest and it will be really wonderful. you're 19 right??? i know you said you dont intend to but you should take up college. you could further your skills as a writer and chances are find a girl who also could just be like you. anyway you arent gonna find a girl if you dont go out and work on social skills which is somethnig im working on atm . going out and bettering my social skills

 

[Ein-2765]

I'm probably going to regret commenting again, but oh, well.

Back when I started this thread, a lot of the comments I received hurt. I felt like I asked for help and all I got was a bunch of name calling and insults.

Now, reading through the responses (and my own idiotic and adversarial posts) I see why. Having removed myself from the situation, I can't help but laugh at most of these posts. I was just pissed off because there was no magic fix to all of my problems.

The sad fact, though, is that I am in exactly the same position I was a year ago. My mindset has changed; I know my problem is me and my "poor me" attitude. But my social skills (at least with people I don't know) have deteriorated to zilch and I don't really think too much of myself.

The thing is, though, I'm not a writer. I may see myself as one, but I'm not. The only actual "assignments" I've ever done are a few reviews for a website I did for free, Sure, one of them was quoted on a book you can pick up in any bookstore, but that doesn't really count, now does it? I'm supported by family and friends and do odd jobs here and there, but basically I sponge off of people. Hell, I can't even drive yet.

College doesn't do anything for me because classroom teaching does nothing for me. I learn best when I can research the real material at my own pace in the format I like. Being talked down to with a room full of people I have nothing in common with about a topic that has been truncated. It's too hard to describe... I guess it's just one of those "either you get it or you don't" things. Suffice it to say I'm constantly researching things on my own and learning about people and the world. I just like to do things on my own. Probably another reason why I'm loathe to attend to college is because I have a major problem with authority.

But honestly, I'd be open to college if it were free. I just don't know how I'd afford it now. Once upon a time I could've gotten a full ride but I was so bored and irritated by high school (the curriculum and teachers, not the social aspect) that I cut class and screwed that all to hell. If this were a perfected socialist country I'd probably be doing just fine, as I could contribute something of value instead of having to work at a job I hate because I have bills to pay, but I live in "every man for himself" America. And with my background and experience, the only job I could get is minimum wage.

I honestly don't know how I came across this site since I have zero interest in drugs. I don't really care if other people do it, it's their life, but it just doesn't do anything for me. But I've stuck around because it's the only forum I've found that deals with relationships in a real way.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm worn out and tired. My existential debate has basically ended in "we're fucked anyway", so I waste my time listening to music, living vicariously through fiction, sleeping restlessly, and alternating through adoration and rage at my brother. Hell, I probably need a lot of counseling, not only because I've developed a horrible nervous stutter since high school ended.

But I'm not really asking or expecting any of you to help me, I'm just venting. I know what my problems are and how to fix them, I just need to get off my lazy ass and do something.

 

[carniegirl818]

Jeesh. You certainly are a ball of friggin sunshine. One thing HAS changed in the last year-you are far more down on yourself. While I didn't care for the smug, self-important little jerk you came off as in the beginning, I find it hard to believe that you could be as worthless and pitiful as the picture you paint now. All the advice about going out & meeting people, getting a job, going to school or whatever is useless if you don't like yourself. Because if you don't like yourself, no one else will either. First of all, you want to be a writer? Write down 10 good qualities about yourself. If you can't think of 10, then you're not thinking hard enough. This is just to get you focusing on the positive instead of the negative. After that, I want you to understand that each of us is a constantly evolving piece of work. All these things you complain about? Pick ONE and fix it. Don't make excuses, just do it. See yourself as the person you'd like to be. If you pretend you are that person long enough, one day you'll wake up and find that you are. Once you learn to be happy with yourself, then you can go looking for someone else to be happy with. As long as you're miserable, the only thing meeting someone will do is give you someone else to make miserable too. I'm not trying to be mean-just honest. Good luck.