I feel as tho you just wrote my life's story as I was reading this! I had 95 days clean from Heroin. I was lying to my bf n the guilt consumed me. I shared in group that I almost relapsed but cldnt find the dope, a guy from group offered to get it, n I'm still struggling to come out of it. I've slowed down but still not 100% clean. Now I know that holding on to my honesty is how I hold on to my sobriety. Struggling with boredom gets me pretty bad too. I too have the habit of only remembering the good times being high, I tend to forget waking up sick every morning, stealing from those I love, fighting with my bf over drugs. I have to remind myself why I don't want to go back there.
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
relapsing
- Thread starter Girl765
- Start date
I feel as tho you just wrote my life's story as I was reading this! I had 95 days clean from Heroin. I was lying to my bf n the guilt consumed me. I shared in group that I almost relapsed but cldnt find the dope, a guy from group offered to get it, n I'm still struggling to come out of it. I've slowed down but still not 100% clean. Now I know that holding on to my honesty is how I hold on to my sobriety. Struggling with boredom gets me pretty bad too. I too have the habit of only remembering the good times being high, I tend to forget waking up sick every morning, stealing from those I love, fighting with my bf over drugs. I have to remind myself why I don't want to go back there.
I tried to reply once and for some reason it did not work, so I am going to give this one more try.
I liked what I read on this thread since I have been having the same problems as a lot people on here have had. I too keep on relapsing and feeling guilty. Why do I keep on using when I know it's not going to be the same. But my head does tell me that this time is going to be different. I can handle it. Its going to just be this one time. And it never happens like that. I feel like shit. I start on another big ass run until I either get caught by the police or probation.
This last time though, i only screwed up for a few days. I stopped myself before getting really bad. I went to a meeting instead. I am going to do better this time. I am now over 30 days clean and I am happy. I also moved across the country for work, so I know that has helped me a lot. Yesterday was the first day that I and fun without being high. I think it was the first time in my life that I had fun without getting high or drinking. I played volleyball with some NA friends for there tournament that is coming up. I can literally say that it was a very fun time and there was a couple of very cute girls playing ,but thats a whole other subject that I should not touch, especially since I am married. But anyway, I did have fun, thats the most important thing I got to say. I am going on about that because I have always been worried about what the fuck am I supposed to do now that I want to be clean. I don't want to use anymore but unfortunately I always used when I was doing anything social or in my spare time. That is going to change.
Also, I am going to work this NA thing. It seems to have worked for a lot of people so I do not see how it cannot work for me. I am going to get that thing called a sponsor and work the steps. That is what people say to do and they have been clean a very ling time it seems. So i am now excited that I am going down the right path and it only took me 3 years of trying to get clean and I cannot even remember how many relapses. I guess a lot of those relapses don;t count because you have to be at least clean for a day to call something a relapse. Well, long story short, I feel the OP's pain. I have been there. I am still there. And remember, even though I don;t know you, I love you for being like me.
I liked what I read on this thread since I have been having the same problems as a lot people on here have had. I too keep on relapsing and feeling guilty. Why do I keep on using when I know it's not going to be the same. But my head does tell me that this time is going to be different. I can handle it. Its going to just be this one time. And it never happens like that. I feel like shit. I start on another big ass run until I either get caught by the police or probation.
This last time though, i only screwed up for a few days. I stopped myself before getting really bad. I went to a meeting instead. I am going to do better this time. I am now over 30 days clean and I am happy. I also moved across the country for work, so I know that has helped me a lot. Yesterday was the first day that I and fun without being high. I think it was the first time in my life that I had fun without getting high or drinking. I played volleyball with some NA friends for there tournament that is coming up. I can literally say that it was a very fun time and there was a couple of very cute girls playing ,but thats a whole other subject that I should not touch, especially since I am married. But anyway, I did have fun, thats the most important thing I got to say. I am going on about that because I have always been worried about what the fuck am I supposed to do now that I want to be clean. I don't want to use anymore but unfortunately I always used when I was doing anything social or in my spare time. That is going to change.
Also, I am going to work this NA thing. It seems to have worked for a lot of people so I do not see how it cannot work for me. I am going to get that thing called a sponsor and work the steps. That is what people say to do and they have been clean a very ling time it seems. So i am now excited that I am going down the right path and it only took me 3 years of trying to get clean and I cannot even remember how many relapses. I guess a lot of those relapses don;t count because you have to be at least clean for a day to call something a relapse. Well, long story short, I feel the OP's pain. I have been there. I am still there. And remember, even though I don;t know you, I love you for being like me.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
And remember, even though I don;t know you, I love you for being like me.
I love you too, Kooter. Heh, we ought to get around a fire and hold hands 'n shit. But seriously, I feel the exact same way.
lordnate93
Greenlighter
if your not going to meetings and living your best accordance to the 12 step principles then your simply not in recovery in my opinion, that is if your an addict. meetings and meeting goers are great for the new way of life we seek
^ yeah i dont agree with that in any shape or form.. do as we say or you are not doing, imo. the fellowships and steps are great!! .. but why stop there.. one could say that if you are only doing the fellowships and you are working towards or have experienced a "spiritual awakening" but if you have not pursued and developed this awakening past the contents of the basic text, living sober, and the big book, and the regurgitated knowledge found in meetings.. then i venture that you will forever remain an infant in spirit and be constantly forced to re up spiritually in a meeting or by having to twelve step your life over and over..
IMO anyone that has succeeded in living a generally peaceful life filled with hope and sobriety is living in recovery, weather they have even heard of the fellowships.
that being said.. "meetings and meeting goers are great for new way of life we seek" is true for SO many.
IMO anyone that has succeeded in living a generally peaceful life filled with hope and sobriety is living in recovery, weather they have even heard of the fellowships.
that being said.. "meetings and meeting goers are great for new way of life we seek" is true for SO many.
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Space Firebird
Bluelighter
Research is interesting, but it is important to remember that mice are not humans.
We have the ability to apply reason to our situation in order to change our behavior and habits.
I have to disagree with this as well, there are many paths on the road to recovery. And I will be the first to admit; I always thought that quitting was the goal, but now I realize that stopping is easier than staying stopped. That said, I am clear in my mind that in my own case things are winding down. I can recommend Rational Recovery and the Small Book for good methods that require no outside contact or support whatsoever.