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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Relapse

S

Speeedmagic

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 9, 2016
Messages
124
So I was in Withdrawl from benzos (Valium,kpins,ativan) and amphetamines (adderall) about 5 days before I inevitably relapsed.. after about 2 hours of sleep last night, and foam puking on my pants 2 days in a row I was done.. I found a mg of lorazapam, and an old 300mg gabapentin I just took about an hour ago, and then after ANOTHER panic attack chewed 2 dexadryne 20s. And I feel better finnalllly.. it's just so odd how my body reacts to this combo. I can't have one without the other. I know speed makes most people more anxious if anything, but not me. For some reason when I have the Benz-amp cocktail, the amps make it easier for me to stop a bad train of thought EARLY, before it spirals into a panic attack or hypo-mania.. (manic depressive).. now I refill on my stims tomorrow which is a godsend, but I don't know if I'll be able to get any Benz until next week. Which scares the shit out of me. This WD was especially nasty this time around. I'm afraid I won't make it through the weekend.. as I'll be away in a remote location... with family... and alllllll that comes with that.. I can't think about proceeding on this trip Friday because without my Benz I can't function. And just trying my absolute hardest got me 5 days.... any help is appreciated!!!!!!
 
I can't roll on my adderall script unless I have Xanax or klonopin handy for the comedown. Nowadays the high is not worth the comedown unless I have something to get rid of the crash and the depressing thoughts and the disgusting amount of physical tension and anxiety I feel ..yuck..I only use amps these days for the sole purpose of having long and intense sexual experiences with my wife, other than that the high from adderall does not appeal to me unless I have music and my significant other, we treat adderall like an MDMA roll.
 
sounds like you're really psyching yourself out man. i mean, yeah its gonna be uncomfortable - but try and make it as bearable as possibly by keeping calm. practice mindfulness. (easier said than done i know, but thats the best i can do for you pal)
 
Yeah man I know I am, but what else can you expect from a 10 year benzo habit. 3 separate benzos, 3 times each, everyday! Perscribed! Now I've been thinking about sourcing some etizolam for these times. I have a feeling it just might make things worse at this point..
 
This is not at all my experience with amps. Pharms ESPECIALLY are very subjective. I know what you're referring to as the "comedown" but I havnt experienced a really uncomfortable comedown like that from stimulants sense maybe highschool? I just am so used to them at this point.. my comedown is sleep lol
 
We'll if you absolutely can't find benzos for your trip, you can either not touch the amps, or do relatively small doses , and just redose when you feel like your crashing cause as we know that's the next best thing besides benzos, the reason I say take smaller doses each time is so you don't get completely wacked out of your mind in depression and insomnia and all the ugly symptoms of crashing . This is what I would do
 
Good call, I'm also planning on having plenty of bud and edibles. So that will also help. Just staying 100 percent stoned 24/7 lol
 
I believe you will be just fine if you keep the doses moderate to avoid bad crashes that can emotionally ruin your day and everyone else's around you. Given the fact you have marijuana handy I think that is sufficient enough. Enjoy
 
Thanks man. I'll do my best. I may just bring either my XR or IR, not both. Take the smallest doses early as possible. And just stay stoned and hope for the best. Which in this case is no seizures.. the problem is that i just relapsed on Benz, so I'm worried that the WD process is just going to reset...
 
It takes like 72hrs to feel withdrawal from benzos as far as I'm concerned where it will be a health hazard if your taking crazy amounts that can lead to life threatening withdrawls. I think you will be fine and are worrying too much or finding a reason to have benzos. No worries man enjoy your trip. How long will u be gone?
 
Not really a big deal, but I'm pretty sure they don't manufacture 20mg Dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine) Capsules. They only go up to 15mg as far as my knowledge goes. If you can in any way avoid going on the trip with your family, I would definitely do that. We tend to think selfishly in our addictions, myself included. My point is, not only will you be suffering in your own misery by being near your family in your state, your family in turn will probably have a shitty time seeing you completely out of sorts. It will ruin everybody's time anyway. I've been there.

You shouldn't consider it an odd reaction that Benzodiazepines make you feel more level when your on Amphetamines. This is pretty much par for the course. The problem is that if you continue to use Amphetamines chronically as part of an abuse pattern, you are only going to further damage your already delicate emotional state. The Benzodiazepines are only going to mask the symptoms of the Amphetamines. You will still inevitably get strung out if you continue on.

If skipping the trip isn't an option, you could always try to find a Doctor to prescribe you some medication. Showing up in withdrawal, specifically with high blood pressure and pulse will help your chances, but there are no guarantees. You will probably end up with some lesser medications like Clonidine regardless.

The problem with drug withdrawal is that, truthfully, the only thing that will solve your "problem", is the drug itself. There's no magic bullet for "How do I survive a weekend of Benzodiazepine withdrawal without Benzodiazepines?". The answer is inevitably the same, withdrawal or drugs.
 
Up until Monday I was taking 2mg kpin, 20mg Valium, and anywhere from 1-4mg of lorazepam.. everyday for over a month.. and prior to that 4mg kpin daily for months longer.. Not really a crazy amount I guess, but enough to make WD realllly nasty. I have panic disorder ontop of manic depression.. nasty combo, I can't imagine my life without Benz it's really the only thing that works for me..I'll be back on Tuesday, just a long weekend kind of thing. I was able to get an emergency appointment with my MD tomorrow but I still was the one who ran out a week short, so can't expect much of anything...
 
I'm a believer that anything over 2mg daily is a problem if abruptly stopped. How long is this trip? your biggest problem is being able to act happy or normal , I don't physically see you in harm from wd..that stuff takes awhile to get a seizure ...in my experience
 
It's 4 days, man I felt real trembley today before I relapsed. Like panic on panic, shakeyness, dissorented. And that was right at the 100 hour mark.
 
Lol 4 days is nothing. However at the same time I'm sure it is a lifetime. For me, just knowing I have no access to benzos when I plan to use adderall or while I'm high is a big srressor for me, I spend my whole high worrying about how I will feel when it wears off and not having benzos....
 
Exactly lol it's like an eternity, and a flash. But I got my amps this morning. slept about 2 hours max last night woke up sick as FUCK! Worst headache on the right side of my head. Hot and cold flashed, and once again..foam puke... I was feeling half better after yacking, took 40mg of addy and more than half into the work day feeling pretty awesome tbh.. I see my MD in a couple of hours.. I'm getting nervous, do or die lol
 
Lol glad you appreciate my dude! Just being me haha, first day in like a week where I actually feel like myself, damn I missed my addy... another Idea, was to just ask for ambien. My doc has offered it to me, and I never really cared Bc my focus was all on the benz.. but now it could definitely help.
 
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