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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

relapse vs. fuckup, what's the difference?

MoreEnergyThanHer

MoreEnergyThanHer

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Joined
Aug 23, 2012
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24
binged on shard (meth and/ or similar?) for about seven months (was smokin till i realised was water-soluble, so whackin for 4-5 months, twice a day towards the end) until i told my bf what was happening and he vowed to get me off it.

so clean for about 6 weeks before he gets sloppy watchin me with my money and after wrestling with cravings for a bit i finally sneak $50(.05) for a taste (like last-time-ever celebration shit- pffft!). did that a couple more times over the next few months and then about... tuesday i fell off the wagon. waited for a delivery so long i had to have a little bit to just take the edge off after the anxiety/ excitement so had about .04 (was planing to wait till the next day and then have a full point and be done for a while but couldnt wait)

Bf was comin over that night but we had a fight (he reakons im an alco- whole other story), so i thought fuck it and had a full point that i cheated on him for the first time to get, leaving the other .06 from before- for about 10 minutes-n then i had that too.

Didn't have any more (and wasnt planning to) till i was offered another .05 about 16 hours after the first round (was still flyin) but of course i said yes. that was about an hour and a half ago.

Maybe i just want people to tell me ill be ok even tho i know im fucked..., maybe i really dont care anymore, maybe im just after some attention... who knows this is such a tricky drug, it outwits and twists thoughts, changes you, turns you into its bitch... *sigh* any comments, experiences, advice, criticism, questions or humerous observations appreciated.
 
you're not fucked. Get out of that lifestyle, find something healthy to do, find a hobby. The best way to stay away from meth is to stay away from the people who have it/can get it. Surround yourself with healthy sober people.
 
A relapse is feeling bad about using, being clean and then using. After this though comes the fact you get back on the wagon.

A fuck up to me is using and using even though you are hurting others, But if your not hurting anyone that didnt know what they were getting ie kids then who the fuck cares.
 
Meth is similiar to crack in the way it does a mindfuck, you do stuff you normally wouldn't. But you were just itching for that buzz. If you want to get clean for good, delete all the dealers and get-high friends from your phone.

When people say relapse I think of a one-off. Sounds like you're going through a bit of a binge.
 
For me, a relapse means going on a 2 month bender even though you had nearly half a year of clean time.

A fuckup is having a using friend visit and smoking a foil with him two weeks into recovery from said bender. Didn't even enjoy it much, just went to bed half an hour later, and suffered no more than the usual cravings today. OK, clean days are reset to 1 once more, but I think of it more as a slip, a mistake to learn from that's far less severe than a full scale relapse.

So, mistakes can and likely will happen, but as long as you can avoid your old habits, they're not too tragic, and you can dismiss then as what they are: minor fuckups. That is, unless you fuck up too often, which would be the main characteristic of a relapse ;)
 
I had to add one more thing. Don't cheat on the poor bastard. He already has a meth addiction. You 2 should be in it together not fucking each other over. Think how you would feel if you actually loved him to and he was out screwing around on you.
 
To me a relapse would mean you've lost control and you are doing the drug again even though you know it's going to harm you. You would end up doing it several more times, maybe even getting addicted again.

A fuckup would be doing it once, realizing it was a mistake, and then using it to reinforce your discipline.
 
Relapse, fuck up, slip, whatever, who cares what you call it? Is there a difference between any of them? I don't know. I don't think it matters. What matters is what value you attach to them, how you feel about them, what lessons can be drawn from them. Do you feel guilty, angry at yourself, frustrated, dispirited, elated, relieved to be slipping back into old behaviours with your DOC that are as comforting and comfortable as an old pair of slippers, what?

Whenever we've had some clean time and put some distance between ourselves and our addiction, whether that's a physical or psychological one, there is always a cause, a trigger for it. Working out what that trigger was is what makes relapses so instructive quite often. They're sometimes an essential part of recovery because it's learning what our various triggers are and working out how better to deal with them in future that helps us move forward, if indeed that's what we want to do. This can be a long process involving any number of relapses.

So, I guess the upshot of this post MoreEnergyThanHer is not what we think about relapse, but what do you think about yours? What was your trigger here, how do you feel about it, and what, if anything, do you intend to do from this point on?
 
chrisalt said:
I had to add one more thing. Don't cheat on the poor bastard. He already has a meth addiction. You 2 should be in it together not fucking each other over. Think how you would feel if you actually loved him to and he was out screwing around on you.
Click to expand...

only thing hes addicted to is coffee and ciggys- explains why he let his guard down so quick i guess- he dosnt get it, makes me feel guilty when im havin a hard time. NOT helpfull... neway the thing is that i DO love him, thats what makes what i did so fucked up.
 
Sepher said:
Relapse, fuck up, slip, whatever, who cares what you call it? Is there a difference between any of them? I don't know. I don't think it matters. What matters is what value you attach to them, how you feel about them, what lessons can be drawn from them. Do you feel guilty, angry at yourself, frustrated, dispirited, elated, relieved to be slipping back into old behaviours with your DOC that are as comforting and comfortable as an old pair of slippers, what?

Whenever we've had some clean time and put some distance between ourselves and our addiction, whether that's a physical or psychological one, there is always a cause, a trigger for it. Working out what that trigger was is what makes relapses so instructive quite often. They're sometimes an essential part of recovery because it's learning what our various triggers are and working out how better to deal with them in future that helps us move forward, if indeed that's what we want to do. This can be a long process involving any number of relapses.

So, I guess the upshot of this post MoreEnergyThanHer is not what we think about relapse, but what do you think about yours? What was your trigger here, how do you feel about it, and what, if anything, do you intend to do from this point on?
Click to expand...

wisdom oozes from every word- great post
 
To me a relapse is when you return to the drug you are trying to get off.

A fuck up is when shit goes really wrong.

A fuck up is also a person that has allowed their life to worsen over time. They could have gone down a different path, but nah they didn't and now they're a fuck up.
 
all good posts guys. think what ill haveta do is just chill for a few days and not worry about trying to make decisions about anything until the adventure is over. still feelin pretty good but ill see how im feelin tomorrow...ill probably sleep tonight (or try).
 
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