TDS Relapse/Relationship problem

[ArtVandalay]

2 years clean from opiates. Recently took a xanax that a friend gave me. Felt guilty, told my girlfriend. She's upset. We've been dating for 7 months. This lead to her unloading on me, all the shit I need to be doing. Not only the obvious (need a sponsor, need to go to more meetings, etc.), but the other things in my life I've been avoiding/slacking on (need a new car, saving money, etc).

I have terrible anxiety, part of my problem is procrastination. I work hard, have 3 jobs. My girlfriend is driven, extremely intelligent (working on a PHD). She's never touched drugs (does drink).

I'm irritated. Part of me wants to say fuck it and break up with her. But I also love her and want to be with her. Honestly, I'm not used to being in a healthy relationship and living an honest life. Anyone relate?

 

[tripnotyzm]

Hey man, sounds like a rough situation you have gotten in to.
I can see how she may react against the thought of you relapsing..
If you show to her (& yourself) that you will continue staying 100% sober and focused on your life tasks, maybe she will come to an understanding?

 

[herbavore]

2 years clean from opiates. Recently took a xanax that a friend gave me. Felt guilty, told my girlfriend. She's upset. We've been dating for 7 months. This lead to her unloading on me, all the shit I need to be doing. Not only the obvious (need a sponsor, need to go to more meetings, etc.), but the other things in my life I've been avoiding/slacking on (need a new car, saving money, etc).

I have terrible anxiety, part of my problem is procrastination. I work hard, have 3 jobs. My girlfriend is driven, extremely intelligent (working on a PHD). She's never touched drugs (does drink).

I'm irritated. Part of me wants to say fuck it and break up with her. But I also love her and want to be with her. Honestly, I'm not used to being in a healthy relationship and living an honest life. Anyone relate?

I don't think that being criticized is necessarily healthy. I understand that she may have fear (for you, about drug use), but criticizing you rather than encouraging you are two different things. Of course this could also be your perception--do you think this is possible?

Maybe a really frank discussion about what helps and what actually backfires is in order. Maybe even have some literature for her from al-anon would help. They have a good way of talking to people about not nagging, criticizing or shaming. People need education and information basically. If you love her and she loves you, you both can find great relief in getting to a different level of understanding. If that level never happens, then I would begin to question the relationship but it is jumping the gun to question it before trying for more depth of understanding.

 

[ArtVandalay]

Thanks for the advice trip and herb.

It's true that nagging, criticizing and shame doesn't help. And I feel that's what she's doing. I have a history of dating controlling/bossy women. I thought she was different, but am realizing that not so much. Ugh, I feel like I'm doomed to repeat my past, over and over.

Will sort this out with her pronto.

Anyway, will make sure not to slip up again regardless.