Relapse after 2 years sober, little help.

[Chady3833]

So... This is my story.

From the age of 18 i started useing opiates, started out as percs and moved up to methadone. I was very heavy into snorting Methadone and i did that for over ten years straight if i didn't have it i would go crazy, no sleep for days. Finally I met my wife 3 years ago and about a year in she figured out what i was doin. I couldn't go home after work without goin and gettin more to get me through the next day. It was bad, i tried many times to quit just couldn't handle the days with no sleep cuz i knew if i had just a little I would be "OK" but that would put me right back into it. After she found out she kicked me out and told me to get help so I went to the local boat landing and did one and told myself it would be the last I would ever do. So I sat there and did a lot of thinking and threw the rest that i had in the trash. Then I started my detox, It went ok for about a day and a night then it got better after about a week of hell! Went to doctor second day in and got klonopin that was the only thing that would help me sleep. After about a month af taking klonopin I decided to stop takin them because i felt i didnt need them anymore and i did real well!
A year into sobriety we tied the knot and everything was wonderful! Greatest day of my life up until my baby was born! My lil girl was born just after my 2 years of being sober. She Is so sweet and I cant wait to be home to see my family everyday! Thats what i look forward to. So... My wife had to have a c-section and when we were sent home she got a script of percs and I was giving them to her when they were scheduled to be takin and i did great! I never took one, In my mind being able to give them to her and not take one was a great feeling to me! Like an accomplishment. Then it goes down hill... So after about 3 days of her taking them she decided to stop taking them and she put them in the medicine cabinet. I noticed them maybe a maybe a week after and for some reason i took one, not sure what i was thinking at the time, (just want a little release from stress from being so busy and not much rest or maybe to test myself to see if i can take it and just give it up without any issues or maybe a lil taste of what was so great to in the past with everything i did in my life it was involved in that ended up ruining my life for many years!.) I then did one each day for just over a week then stopped and after about 3 days of stopping my wife found the bottle missing a bunch. Wish i would of told her to put them away at the time but my mind was not thinking clearly. I was not thinkin of the consequences of losing my wife, kids, just everything that means so much to me now.

Thanks for reading, im just looking for a little feedback on what i should do to help me through this phase.

 

[motiv311]

youre doing really well man.... thats a lot of discipline... I would have probably taken the percs even with a child.... Sometimes the universe presents us with something .... either as a present or a temptation depending on your perspective.... You know you just wanted to feel a little tiny buzz / little taste... probably would have been fine to take the bottle , but who needs the temptation? and when you run out , its just gonna kind of be a drag... we all know how it is... youre doing fine either way

 

[phactor]

I was not thinkin of the consequences of losing my wife, kids, just everything that means so much to me now.

That is addiction in a nutshell, it over-rides all common sense. How are you staying clean? What kind of support do you have?

 

[simco]

OK, you stumbled. Not a huge deal. It doesn't undo the amazing 2 years clean you have. No-one and nothing can take those years away, especially not a lapse in control.

On the other hand, you obviously don't want to let this take on a life of its own.

My best advice is to get your guard back up. One aspect of this is to be relentlessly honest with your wife. If you're feeling iffy (like you want to use or cop), tell her. If you slip again, tell her. I lived in a similar situation (though no kid, just a wonderful, caring wife), and my addiction really thrived when I let myself be dishonest, especially with my family.

Of course take this all with the caveat that I've been trying to kick for about four months and am currently only at 27 days free from heroin... i.e. I've had a lot of relapses.

Peace,
-Sim

 

[Chady3833]

Thanks for the reply and the support! It is a hard thing to overcome and I just need to keep putting one foot infront of the other.

 

[Chady3833]

phactor- Thanks for the reply, Well whats keeping me clean is a very supportive family(wife) and rest of family. I run the family business and having my whole family around helps i believe. They keep an eye on me and can tell if I am goin through something. My other biggest thing is keeping busy, im always working on my cars, house and so on... The biggest thing that helped me through the beginning of getting sober and the months that followed was having my wife take my pay check and having her pay all our bills and only giving me what i need for gas and making lunches at home! I think that is the only way I would have been able to stay clean! That is one thing i tell anyone that asks me how i did it, it was my wifes idea (shes very intelligent) she said the only way im gonna be able to help you is if you give me your check at the end of every week and it worked like a charm. I know if i had not done that i would most likely still be blowing my whole check up my nose and not have a thing to live for. Now she trusts me with money and that is a good feeling of having cash on hand and not thinking about who im gonna call to get some goodies! She really did save my life! I owe my life to her forever!