rejection.... who else is scared of it???

[muzby]

when i look at my life, i can base most of my problems on my major fear...

no, not clowns...

the fear of rejection....



not just rejection in a relationship sense...

but rejection in general..


be it a couple of friends that decide to have a night out without inviting me, getting a rejection letter from a job i have applied for or even not being picked first in a sporting team at school...

rejection has always hurt me, and i try my hardest to please everyone, so as not to be rejected...


i like most people and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, in the hope that people will like me back... but sometimes people hurt me or reject me... and this is why, when i dont like someone, it is plain and out in the open, no bitchyness for me...

i'm friends with none of my ex's, and i base it all on rejection....


rejection has spured me on to most things in my life, because, after i get rejected, be it from a job, a sporting team or a partner, i will do my best to excel where i was when i was with this girl, or will get a job with a competitor if i really strived for a job.. just so i can do better and fuck em over in my own little way...

so yeah.. anyone else like this and hate rejection (Well, maybe not to my psychotic level anyway... )

and no, this was not spurred on by the rejection hotline....

 

[katmeow]

*raises hand*

I'm shit scared - particularly of rejection from the opposite sex. But rejection in general, I have a tendency to attribute it all to some kind of failure on my part.

 

[TheDaniel]

I almost didn't ring up and apply for a job today, but I did and I'm glad, going in to speak to the owners of the business tomorrow or monday.

It all comes down to jumping mental hurdles (ahhh I sound like one of those money-grabbing people who write cheesy motivational books) but it's just a matter of finding out what works for you.

A lot of people are motivated by a fear of rejection. In fact I'd go as far as to say the vast majority is. Shouldn't be like that though.

 

[shal]

I think commonly everyone has some fear of general rejection. Like many other factors in ones life this can stimulate emotions, such as anxiety, anger, jealousy, etc.

It would depend on the situation, circumstance, and what was involved in the rejection process, also comes into play how vital it was for acceptance.

For example: I may apply for a job and be rejected. This might make me feel rejection, but I'm not overly concerned about it. I just feel it.

And then, I might be rejected into the school I had been studying 4 years to get into, this rejection might sting more and have more of an affect on my emotional state.

But still in general I think we as humans accept rejection well in the material world, the processes, the policies, the expectations. We know most things are chance.

When we turn to relationships and people, then we have more of a personal emotional attachment to the situation, and thus, we fear it more, and maybe what we fear isnt simply rejection, but the emotions that rejection inflict on us, such as sadness. We protect ourselves from being hurt, being injured. This to me is logical human response.

Still, as much as anyone hates being rejected, the upside is that by being rejected we learning acceptance and appreciation.

See, it's all interwinded together. You cant feel one without the other.

Your choices are half chance, so are everybody elses. If you never run a risk, if you never put yourself in the line of fire, and if you always sit in the back and never show yourself, from fear of rejection, then how can you ever learn to appreciate when you are accepted, and normally by being accepted stimulates feelings of wellbeing, or happiness, maybe it stimulates confidence, see, its all connected.

So rejection, yeah, I dont like it as such, but I respect it in the sense thats it life, its learning, its hurting, its growing, and I think you become more a wiser person for it.

Just some thoughts!

shals :D

 

[MoeBro]

Funny that. When I get rejected, I mope and wallow in self pity.

Must explain why you're succesful and I want to kill myself

 

[Munchee]

I have an insane fear of rejection in two ways.

The biggest is probably women, my fear of rejection means I rarely approach women. I'm always afraid that they wont like me or will find me unattractive and wont talk to me or something.

My other fear is the telephone, I have an insane fear of the telephone, stemming from when I rang a friend (who lived at a hotel) and said my name as the person calling, but the person on the other end was just wanting the name of who I was looking for so disregarded that I said it was ******* ***** speaking.

So that is me.

 

[Aishas Star]

I hate the thought of people that I might have considered friends, like friends of my girlfriends and guy friends, but its only other girls I feel threatened by, not guys. I couldn't care less if a guy hates me, i'll just hate him right back.
But I try my hardest with girls, I guess it stems back to high school...

Shit I think I just realised why I don't like meeting new people. I never put 2 and 2 together..

 

[rm1x]

It used to be an issue with me, but I see it now if people reject me they're just missing out in the end

 

[onetwothreefour]

i'm resigned to it

 

[dancefifi]

I deal very badly with rejection with friends. I always get into depression mode. I seem to have to go through it every year, an event where a person or a group of friend totally reject me (I don't really know how to explain this). I've had scars from everyone of them except this year because this year, I had friends who really stood by me and held me while I was at my lowest.

In other sense, I don't like rejection, it hurts and it kinda tears my confidence apart....

 

[Raz]

I used to be scared of rejection, but then I thought about the reasons behind that. And I realised that it's because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough or worthy enough for someone else.

Now...fuck it, I say. If someone else doesn't want me, if they don't see me as good enough personally or professionally, that's their loss. If it is actually a failing on my part, then I can try to find out what that failing is and work on it. If it's because I just don't suit the person, well big deal....I've long resigned myself to the idea that not everybody is going to see how great I am.

Basically, I've just gotten better at basing my self-esteem on myself rather than on other people's perceptions of me. I'm not the Dalai Lama or anything so I still have my bad days, but generally speaking I find myself a hell of a lot more confident and capable for the decision.

 

[Mean Girl]

But I try my hardest with girls, I guess it stems back to high school...

That's very true actually, I see a lot of women who still carry a high school like attitude towards other women, it's all competition and vindictiveness without reason.

I don't so much fear rejection of something I've invested a lot of myself into as much as I do regret it, the rejection indicates I hadn't done everything I could in my power to succeed.

 

[MazDan]

This has to be the most stupidest thread in history.

Who on earth started this thread............what a loser.


lol.......only jokin mate.........although I hope I did actually have u goin for a second or two..........lol.

Mate I think we all suffer from it to some extent.........personally I dont worry to much about rejection from the outside world, but from within my circle of friends i find it absolutely devastating.

 

[eze451]

fuck it, I say. If someone else doesn't want me, if they don't see me as good enough personally or professionally, that's their loss. If it is actually a failing on my part, then I can try to find out what that failing is and work on it. If it's because I just don't suit the person, well big deal....I've long resigned myself to the idea that not everybody is going to see how great I am.

raz summed it up pretty nicely for me.....

 

[drEaMtiMe*@#]

true, raz seems to know where its at.

to me the first thing that came to mind when i read this thread was that it seems like the intensity of the degree to which a person fears rejection most probably runs directly proportional to their own lack of self acceptance.

that said i've struggled with the fear of rejection for a while. i know with me it started with the fact that i was an immigrant child who desired nothing more than to fit in and not stick out as being any different to all the other kids at school. i always wanted to fly under the radar but unfortunately for various reasons never really was that able too, although i tried my hardest.

at one point in time my fear of not being accepted ran so deep that i actually declined in the further pursuit of something that i loved and was very talented at..... so yes, the intensity with which i once didn't want to stick out, even if it was a good kind of sticking out ran really fucking deeply. currently though i'm heading much more in raz's direction.

ultimately you are your own worst enemy (even though at times situations may seem as if they have nothing to do with you) .... i believe that we are all ultimately in control of the way that we choose to react to and perceive situations, i dont think that it's at all as inevitable and unchangable as it might seem. so, er, yeaher, working on self-esteem and self acceptance is pretty much the key to life as i see it.

lol. (heh, as i said i'm heading there, still working on stablising it all in my mind)

 

[Damn Youngen]

Im absolutly terrified of it.
A perfect example would be my first girlfriend.
I was so terrified of exposing my emotions, that It took me 2 years to get up the courage to say something to her... then 3 months later I ended up fuckign up that relationship. Not a positive experiance on the whole

I find it odd that I have such a fear of rejection, considering im an drama student, and quite good at it on the whole

 

[Pop Popavich]

^^^ I'm with you Raz, very well put. I still find myself worried about rejection, it's something that I've learned to deal with and realise that someone else rejecting me doesn't mean that I'm a less worthwile person.

Having said that though, the fear of rejection/failure is often what pushes me to excel. Much like what Muzby said in his initial post, a rejection in any given field will push me to improve so it doesn't happen again.

I also deal with outright rejection a lot better than people being polite but not wanting me around. "You're a dickhead, just fuck off" will hurt me a lot less than people being nice, but just forgetting to invite me places. When I'm at my lowest, this (or the paranoia that this is happening) is what does my head in. 8(

 

[Pop Popavich]

it seems like the intensity of the degree to which a person fears rejection most probably runs directly proportional to their own lack of self acceptance.

This actually rings very true with me, I have gotten significantly better at dealing with rejection as I have become more accepting/satisfied with who I am.

This whole subject is one that has left me spending a lot of time in quiet introspection. Rejection scares me, yet I am by nature an attention seeking person.... so I have a constant internal battle between that part of me that craves to be the class clown, and the rest of me that doesn't want to get shot down for doing it.

 

[up all night]

I used to fear rejection but my brother [of all people] has shown me that if you don't let it get to you it really doesn't fucking matter.

He constantly cracks me up with his stories of attempting to chat up tonnes of hot women which often goes quite embarassingly wrong. But he says it all while laughing his head off at his own stupidity and that is one of the healthiest attitudes I've ever seen.

 

[eze451]

rofl.... that seriously works, it helps u get used to it i reckon.... me and my mates used to do that, have a crack at chicks u obviously have no hope with, and then piss yourselves at the disgusted face they make at your friend lol..... its embarrassing the first time, but it gets easier and easier till its a joke, plus as up all night said, u end up with some very funny stories.... rejection is going to happen in life, i think the more used to it u get, the easier u are able to handle it when it does happen in a serious way..... its like anything bad in life, the more it happens, the more u learn to cope with it.....