Hiya Peeps!
Hope you're all doing well and looking forward to the weekend. I think I'm going to get back into this blogging lark - it's been awhile since I've blogged on a regular basis but I once joined a blogging site and it was nice to blog and reflect on things.
I've noticed that the last few months I've felt somewhat angry towards others - and through thinking today, I am starting to see that, that anger is towards myself. I am angry at me for not doing certain things right, for appearing silly and what-not and thus I aim that anger outwards. I realize that this is something I need to address. When I start to feel angry I need to ask myself *Who is it that I am angry with here - joe blogs - or myself* Why am I feeling angry and so forth.
hahahaha... when I talk of anger I make myself sound a violent or aggressive person, to which I am neither. I detest violence and I really don't like aggressive behaviour - it frightened me. My anger is more "verbal" or if online "written," I guess. A close family member once told me that they didn't know what to say to me because I can change moods really suddenly - I can be happy one minute and then someone says something I can switch to moody. I should look at this. At the time, I simply laughed it off as complete nonsense. But I'm starting to think that there may be some truth in it. Maybe I should start writing a diary again? I did have a diary for years and years and year, collected them all n stuff but for some reason I just did not buy one this year. Or write some poems again. I wrote for years - not saying that any of my poems were good or anything, really they're just verses but it's a way of dealing with my thought processes and is relieving somehow. I can't just write a poem whenever though, I have to write it when I "feel it," if that makes sense. If I am not feeling it, I just get frustrated and end up giving up - when I feel it - I write, but this is often done whilst listening to some type of music that I like.
I think that I'd also like to explore my belief system again. I regard myself as a Christian because I believe in God and because I believe that Jesus is the son of God, but I do have, somewhat conflicting beliefs. I question the possibility of reincarnation, I'm interested in mediumship and well as spiritual guides - and particular like the idea of astral projection. When I was 9 years old - I once had a weird, what I remember as an evil moment, experience. I was lying in bed with the light on and then opened my mouth, I started vibrating but was paralysed for what seemed like an eternity, it was around a minute, maybe two. After this, I'd often lie awake at night, fearing that it would happen again, I had re-experienced it over the years, a few times during my sleep - then I'd wake up. It was like some evil force had come over me. I have since talked to people about this in spiritual sites - and was told that I may have been about to astral travel - but the body had become confused resulting in this experience. I have glimpse of my childhood at night where I'm roaming around and I am unsure as to whether I actually physically moved around or astral travelled. That may sound silly but I do have slight glimpse of events in the past - please don't ask me to try and explain because I really m unable to.
I've also had prophetic dreams. They were about nothing major in particular but personal events within my life. For instance, Christmas Day 1994, I dreamt that that two family members fell out the following Boxing day. There were no details apart from their faces diagonally to one another - the messages were all, telepathic, I suppose. But the following year it happened exactly and that frightened me. In 1999, I dreamt that I was pregnant with a child named ******, (for obvious reasons I won't say the name here). I felt the pregnancy and woke up literally feeling pregnant, I was so real and vivid I just cannot explain how real that dream was. That happened ten years later, the pregnancy I mean. The questions is - was I drawn to her name because the dream told me to or was it a prophetic dream of future events?
Some prophetic dreams were not nice and I started to feel like I was getting warnings. Sometimes, I'd even have thoughts "a feeling/ a hunch," if you like - that something was about to happen. I'd have this bad, airy feeling that would just NOT go away. I've had that before my parents had a burglary, days before my cat, Black, died, and all sorts of things. I'm interested to hear from any of you as to what experiences that you may have had, let's say "out of the ordinary."
I begged God a few years ago to make it all stop, the prophetic dreams I mean - and they have. I've had one in a long time. I've had some vivid dreams and by what I've read can be a side affect of suboxone (another question is, is it a side affect of suboxone or do I just think that because that's what I've read?) but nothing that gives me any indignation of the future. Dreams are fascinating things though.
I'm read a book at mo that says we're all dreaming 24/7 evening when we're awake - it's a dream. Quite interesting stuff.
Well I'd better be off.... Wishing you all good health and a lovely day / night wherever you are.
Evey
Hope you're all doing well and looking forward to the weekend. I think I'm going to get back into this blogging lark - it's been awhile since I've blogged on a regular basis but I once joined a blogging site and it was nice to blog and reflect on things.
I've noticed that the last few months I've felt somewhat angry towards others - and through thinking today, I am starting to see that, that anger is towards myself. I am angry at me for not doing certain things right, for appearing silly and what-not and thus I aim that anger outwards. I realize that this is something I need to address. When I start to feel angry I need to ask myself *Who is it that I am angry with here - joe blogs - or myself* Why am I feeling angry and so forth.
hahahaha... when I talk of anger I make myself sound a violent or aggressive person, to which I am neither. I detest violence and I really don't like aggressive behaviour - it frightened me. My anger is more "verbal" or if online "written," I guess. A close family member once told me that they didn't know what to say to me because I can change moods really suddenly - I can be happy one minute and then someone says something I can switch to moody. I should look at this. At the time, I simply laughed it off as complete nonsense. But I'm starting to think that there may be some truth in it. Maybe I should start writing a diary again? I did have a diary for years and years and year, collected them all n stuff but for some reason I just did not buy one this year. Or write some poems again. I wrote for years - not saying that any of my poems were good or anything, really they're just verses but it's a way of dealing with my thought processes and is relieving somehow. I can't just write a poem whenever though, I have to write it when I "feel it," if that makes sense. If I am not feeling it, I just get frustrated and end up giving up - when I feel it - I write, but this is often done whilst listening to some type of music that I like.
I think that I'd also like to explore my belief system again. I regard myself as a Christian because I believe in God and because I believe that Jesus is the son of God, but I do have, somewhat conflicting beliefs. I question the possibility of reincarnation, I'm interested in mediumship and well as spiritual guides - and particular like the idea of astral projection. When I was 9 years old - I once had a weird, what I remember as an evil moment, experience. I was lying in bed with the light on and then opened my mouth, I started vibrating but was paralysed for what seemed like an eternity, it was around a minute, maybe two. After this, I'd often lie awake at night, fearing that it would happen again, I had re-experienced it over the years, a few times during my sleep - then I'd wake up. It was like some evil force had come over me. I have since talked to people about this in spiritual sites - and was told that I may have been about to astral travel - but the body had become confused resulting in this experience. I have glimpse of my childhood at night where I'm roaming around and I am unsure as to whether I actually physically moved around or astral travelled. That may sound silly but I do have slight glimpse of events in the past - please don't ask me to try and explain because I really m unable to.
I've also had prophetic dreams. They were about nothing major in particular but personal events within my life. For instance, Christmas Day 1994, I dreamt that that two family members fell out the following Boxing day. There were no details apart from their faces diagonally to one another - the messages were all, telepathic, I suppose. But the following year it happened exactly and that frightened me. In 1999, I dreamt that I was pregnant with a child named ******, (for obvious reasons I won't say the name here). I felt the pregnancy and woke up literally feeling pregnant, I was so real and vivid I just cannot explain how real that dream was. That happened ten years later, the pregnancy I mean. The questions is - was I drawn to her name because the dream told me to or was it a prophetic dream of future events?
Some prophetic dreams were not nice and I started to feel like I was getting warnings. Sometimes, I'd even have thoughts "a feeling/ a hunch," if you like - that something was about to happen. I'd have this bad, airy feeling that would just NOT go away. I've had that before my parents had a burglary, days before my cat, Black, died, and all sorts of things. I'm interested to hear from any of you as to what experiences that you may have had, let's say "out of the ordinary."
I begged God a few years ago to make it all stop, the prophetic dreams I mean - and they have. I've had one in a long time. I've had some vivid dreams and by what I've read can be a side affect of suboxone (another question is, is it a side affect of suboxone or do I just think that because that's what I've read?) but nothing that gives me any indignation of the future. Dreams are fascinating things though.
I'm read a book at mo that says we're all dreaming 24/7 evening when we're awake - it's a dream. Quite interesting stuff.
Well I'd better be off.... Wishing you all good health and a lovely day / night wherever you are.
Evey