Ahhh, I'm not exactly sure. I'm certainly much better than before I believe.. I'm still waiting for my dose increase to kick in, so once it reaches its full therapeutic levels I'll certainly keep you updated.
But since starting I've been working everyday, still working out but not as much, diets somewhat slacked off, but I'm feeling better about myself in general.
I really don't know how much of what I experienced was actually toxic damage, or PTSD, because I still sometimes get flashbacks that send chills down my spine and turn my stomach.
I was reading on wikipedia that the LOWEST dosing regimen used to find ANY toxic damage was 1.6 mg/kg three times, every three hours. Or large doses.
Looking back, I over exaggerated my case severly. Last night, I was able to recall every roll I did during my "abuse phase". I talleyed a total of 6-8 times MAX in a spam of just over 17 weeks. Never rolling more than once on a weekend, never more than 2 pills, usually only 1 and sometimes a half. That's probably between 60-120 mg of MDMA, probably less because I was getting my tabs for $3, so they probably wernt that high quality.
Also, I only ever redosed once, 1 pill, then one 3 hours later, but that was the night I had a very tramautic experience. I swear to you, I relived that night over a 1000 times, and I literally relived it in different scenarios (if I said this, if I did this instead, if I never walked outside when I did, if I waited 10 minutes to smoke a cigarette, if I never danced with that girl etc..) and I replayed EVERY different scenario and how it would end if I changed one aspect. I did this for MONTHs, not to mention I went through a break up so I had lots of guilty memories of me cheating on her that I tourchered myself about for a long time. I basically tore my brain apart from every aspect. Not to mention, before that weekend where I think I suffered PTSD, I got jumped by 8 people while on MDMA, and suffered a brutal concussion. That was the weekend before the WORST night of my life. I had lots of flashbacks about that occasion to, especially regret. I regretted and questioned, and tore myself apart about going to that party for months, and also tearing myself up thinking "maybe if I left sooner, maybe if I never said this, or did that" I basically tore myself apart from the inside out.
Back to the E usuage though, I only ONCE rolled two weekends in a row, only redosed once and usually took 1 pills SOMETIMES two, that doesn't even equate to the lowest possible "toxic dose" stated on wiki.
The studies your referring to are injected doses appx 20-40 times more potent than a single recreational dose, given repeatedly for days on end. Me and you never did this.
I used 10-20 pills if that, in 16 weeks, on only 6-8 different occasions, I remember nights only taking a half, and even puking it up. I honestly think I wrongfully attributed alot of my symptoms to MDMA abuse, which I never really did, as a scapegoat. I NEEEDED an answer, I'm that kind of guy. My psych said that aswell, he said your running your brain to hard to too long, now you've reached burnout. Sometimes it's better not to ask questions and to just go with it.
The total destruction your talking about is MASSIVE amounts that people wouldn't be able to tolerate or afford.
Anyways, hows things with you going? I'm still depressed and feel "empty". But I'm also not in my hometown, I've been away from everyone I know for almost 8 months, alone all the time just working, so that could be why.
