Redeem grave acts of a girl, estranged

[savvybohemian]

Steel resistance,
Real persistent
But still insistent,
That I can change.

But inconsistent
Thoughts may instance,
Relapsed acts beyond my range.

Urges pester,
Hurt dreams fester,
Irksome yesterday's remain.

But still I yearn to,
Ignite one hope to,
Redeem grave acts of a girl, estranged.

What do u guys think? How can I improve this? Any title ideas? That's always the most difficult line for me.

 

[Pagey]

I really like it, the rhymes are great.

I don't really understand a few lines though...such as 'thoughts may instance' and the last 3 lines. Might just be me being thick though. Nice job

 

[caseface99]

That was great!

Pagey, I read the lines "But inconsistence, thought's may instance" as meaning "instances of inconsistent thoughts" but I could be wrong.

 

[savvybohemian]

Glad you like it guys! What I meant by that was having inconsistent thoughts bouncing back and forth while trying to get sober often causes me to relapse, even though it contradicts everything I'm trying to do. I guess that's one of the perils of addiction. Hopefully I will be able to redeem myself eventually!

 

[savvybohemian]

Caseface99 you're right on with what I meant. Any title ideas?

 

[BelovedFreak]

I like when poems have one-word titles. I see the title for this being either "Redeemer" or "Estranged".