Recreation After Addiction ?

[60DarkHoofBeats09]

Hi ppl im new here and I'll apologize in advance if I break any of the rules.

So I was a heroin addict for about 2 years and it really messed with my life but luckily I got my shit together about 9 months ago. I moved away so I couldn't score so easy and got on a methadone program and take 80mls methadone daily. Initially this was working well for me I'm now getting daily pickups of my meth so I dont have to go to the chemist every day and all my urine samples have been clean during this time. I was completly drug free untill about 3 - 4 months ago. I have only been using heroin and crack about once or twice a month and when I do I usually binge for a few days, then wont touch anything at all for at least 2 weeks after.

What do you ppl think about this, do you think an addict can just recreationally use like I have been without sinking into full dependency? I last got high about 3 weeks ago and I have been craving pretty bad since. I'm going on a trip next weekend and counting the days till I go. Does anyone have any experience of this ? Do I have to knock it on the head and never use again.

Advice would be greatly accepted and thanks in advance.

PS. I do not drink ever or use any other subtances during the times of sobriety.

 

[Justasimpleguy]

Well. That's your addiction talking, brother.. that shit will lie to you all day an tell you that everything is okay. And you can control it. Your on methadone right? For a reason.. right? Because of the H. Because why? You couldn't control it and became an addict. Bro. From my own experience. You Dobt wanna tango with both of them. I wish I never touched it. And I'm clean from active addiction now an never. Never want to go back down that road... fight the cravings. Don't go back to that lifestyle man. This is where your will power, and understanding that you are fighting an addiction that will take everything from you. Be strong brother. Good luck with your choice

 

[motiv311]

its your life brother.... Just clear your head and imagine and visualize your ideal situation/lifestyle ..... Do you take any drugs, are you sober .... ? Maybe you have a girlfriend or workout... maybe you find fulfillment in learning to skydive or play in a band, or become a pornstar... who knows... ! just treat your life like you are the main character in a book about yourself... what is your character like? What does he consider valuable?

 

[CfZrx]

Sounds scary as hell. I really don't like the tired out feeling if I don't keep using after even one use. It's so hard to not get sucked back in.

 

[Justasimpleguy]

Sounds scary as hell. I really don't like the tired out feeling if I don't keep using after even one use. It's so hard to not get sucked back in.

This is where willpower comes in.. It's also where you find out if you are truly one with that lifestyle, and/or determined to kick that habit.

 

[F1n1shed]

I will tell you like this , i had a similar situation. Started out with week ends only, heroin fri-sat. Then it turned into heroin fri-sunday. I wanted to stay week ends only because of job.. can't face WD or be loaded at work.. So week ends lasted for a bit, but the cravings kept growing more and more. Some times i'd get off early wed. for example and use. Anyways job moved out of state and that same day i went full force daily use. I was smart enough to put an end to it quickly but i will tell you for 99% of addicts. Once your brain switches on that addiction phase, you cannot go back.

It is true to go long bouts of sobriety and come back to drugs and have control in the beginning. But if you keep using you will go back to daily use, some people go to daily use after 1 day some after 1 month. In the end.. you lose ... diseases wins. Mark my words

 

[Justasimpleguy]

I will tell you like this , i had a similar situation. Started out with week ends only, heroin fri-sat. Then it turned into heroin fri-sunday. I wanted to stay week ends only because of job.. can't face WD or be loaded at work.. So week ends lasted for a bit, but the cravings kept growing more and more. Some times i'd get off early wed. for example and use. Anyways job moved out of state and that same day i went full force daily use. I was smart enough to put an end to it quickly but i will tell you for 99% of addicts. Once your brain switches on that addiction phase, you cannot go back.

It is true to go long bouts of sobriety and come back to drugs and have control in the beginning. But if you keep using you will go back to daily use, some people go to daily use after 1 day some after 1 month. In the end.. you lose ... diseases wins. Mark my words

Amen to that

 

[angie4558]

I think this will sound crazy to some, but I believe that you can recreationally use meth after addiction. I don't think this is a possibility for everyone.

I started using when I was 17, injected when I was 18 and continued till I was 21. I was pretty bad off. Used every single day I could, and that ended up being every day the last two years of my addiction. I plucked out all my eybrows, picked at my face, tweaked out the windows and had a extreme parinioa. And I was only chasing the high and rush I felt when I first started injecting. It was not fun.

I was able to kick this cold turkey. I had strong family support, and with a great new job opportunity I was able to out It down and move on. Granted, I went through a withdrawal period. Meth is a mental addiction, and I had to deal with that.

Fast forward 15 years. I'm single, no kids. I have a male friend I have known for years. I have always known he was a recreational user. But he has never become the standard tweaker. You would never know, except for the long sleeves in the summer. He asks me if I would like to get high on a weekend I am free. I have 6 days to prep, and do my research online. I make sure I sleep well that week, take my vitamins, and hydrate. I eat a good meal before I go to his house. We get one gram and split it between us in a two day period. We had a box of brand new points, and made sure to be very hygenic. It was incredible. We split that gram up between 5 doses each (total of 10) and I got off each dose. Some were a little stronger than the others, but I still rushed and had awesome euphoria. Just some doses were more "rush" than others, but I was never disappointed. We had awesome sex, did some kinky things. It was a great time, and I never started any of my previous behaviors. No parinioa, and no urge to pick at myself. We talked, had sex, listened to music and played dice and card games. He is a good friend, so it wasn't like I was having sex with someone I didn't know. But we came to an understanding that we wanted to keep our friendship. No plans to take the relationship further.

Sunday morning I go home with two valium. Take a bath, clean house and get prepared for my week. I smoke weed all day and split the valium up half pill when I got home and other half before bed. Felt fine the next day.Day two was harder, I felt a little depressed and very tired. Took a full valium before bed. But on day three the only thing I thought of was what a great weekend it was, but that I could not let this take me down the road I went before. I did not have an urge to buy more, or do more.
I went about the next six weeks like normal, thinking of that weekend and the high occasionally. I really didn't feel guilty. My bills and responsibilities are all met. I had some extra money I would have spent on my weekend anyways, and I didn't regret it at all.

My friend calls me up and asks if I would like to do it again. And I do, prepping myself again. This time only one day and 1/2 gram between us. It was really good quality and we got four doses apiece. Same great experience as before, no negative behaviors.

This has now become a once every 6-8 week experience for the last year. And it has been just as good as that first time. We have never gotten more than a gram at a time between the two of us, and never stayed up more than two days. I prepp before every weekend that I plan on getting high, make sure we have plenty of clean gear, and make sure I have two valium and weed to help with the comedown. I look forward to these weekends, but I do not let it consume me. I remind myself how i was before, and I just refuse to go back to that.

This is not something I would ever suggest to recovering addicts. But I do think it is possible to do it recreationally. I feel I have control over this drug. I have used this way of adminsting the drug before, and I know what phycosis looks like. I also know what it takes to keep those effects at bay, and make my use the most enjoyable as possible. And I have a good friend to partake with, and he has been able to do it recreationally as well.