Them Witches
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2025
- Messages
- 797
Who am I kidding anymore, I have serious issues I have to work on. I am an addict. Again, I am an addict to all things that make me feel better instantly. Instant gratification, hijacking the brain's normal reward response functions is work of art, and my "unchecked ego denial malfunction" character defects are at play. "Defects...Demons." Seeing into darkness, being of darkness and dust covered. New chapter in the book time.
My thinking causes this. I have never sat long enough with myself to figure things out. I normally do not want to wait out the storm and I run from it to safety. I have not challenged my own thinking enough and just ran with whatever made that day better by my own devices by any means required. This would be a state of powerless and unmanageable values ingrained into my daily life and I except to not feel shame or guilt. I do whatever it takes to not accept running from shame and guilt. I do the same things over and over again expecting different results. I know the things I should do but I refuse to do them. I feel I end up in this cycle because I stay alone in my own secrets and I do not write, work steps, talk to a doctor, or look for support groups. I rely solely on medications to balance my moods and life. This is has turned into a unmanageable hell because it requires more medications to continue to do nothing. Making these choices makes me even more powerless.
Not just not working steps or getting a sponsor. I am not locking into myself like I did back in the 80's and 90's. Music, write, text or call friends, exercise, eat right, and staying plugged into my own connection. This thing is sink or swim. The stronger the tide the harder I must swim. If I fail, I have to get up or try again. This attitude is how to move out of the "mental issues of my disorders." Don't judge it is what it is. Life throws us all different links. All different cards. Our ace in the hole if understanding, we are going to have to go through this til death which ever way it comes. Think about what I do not want to repeat anymore ever and leave it at that simple. A new chapter, forgive myself and move on. Being fucked up and a loser is okay. At least I am honest about it.
Yeah work on knocking out the character defects out of my life or at least file them away somehow. And stop raising up the surrender flag up and down. Just stick to the narrow path, the winding path. Not the straight road and wide road. Us stoners, junkies, and freaks are an elite race of our own. It is so easy for an old friend to show us an old favorite. Nothing better than a dealers who high, be high convience them to buy. If the drug do not kill you the people will. Do not pick up hitch hikers someone else will. If I want to stop getting fucked, I need to stay out the position. Hangout with winners be a winner. Serve something better than myself as well as myself I will find understanding quicker with less pain. Wisdom is going to come from restrain and survival.
My thinking causes this. I have never sat long enough with myself to figure things out. I normally do not want to wait out the storm and I run from it to safety. I have not challenged my own thinking enough and just ran with whatever made that day better by my own devices by any means required. This would be a state of powerless and unmanageable values ingrained into my daily life and I except to not feel shame or guilt. I do whatever it takes to not accept running from shame and guilt. I do the same things over and over again expecting different results. I know the things I should do but I refuse to do them. I feel I end up in this cycle because I stay alone in my own secrets and I do not write, work steps, talk to a doctor, or look for support groups. I rely solely on medications to balance my moods and life. This is has turned into a unmanageable hell because it requires more medications to continue to do nothing. Making these choices makes me even more powerless.
Not just not working steps or getting a sponsor. I am not locking into myself like I did back in the 80's and 90's. Music, write, text or call friends, exercise, eat right, and staying plugged into my own connection. This thing is sink or swim. The stronger the tide the harder I must swim. If I fail, I have to get up or try again. This attitude is how to move out of the "mental issues of my disorders." Don't judge it is what it is. Life throws us all different links. All different cards. Our ace in the hole if understanding, we are going to have to go through this til death which ever way it comes. Think about what I do not want to repeat anymore ever and leave it at that simple. A new chapter, forgive myself and move on. Being fucked up and a loser is okay. At least I am honest about it.
Yeah work on knocking out the character defects out of my life or at least file them away somehow. And stop raising up the surrender flag up and down. Just stick to the narrow path, the winding path. Not the straight road and wide road. Us stoners, junkies, and freaks are an elite race of our own. It is so easy for an old friend to show us an old favorite. Nothing better than a dealers who high, be high convience them to buy. If the drug do not kill you the people will. Do not pick up hitch hikers someone else will. If I want to stop getting fucked, I need to stay out the position. Hangout with winners be a winner. Serve something better than myself as well as myself I will find understanding quicker with less pain. Wisdom is going to come from restrain and survival.
