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Recovering from stupidity

Zero_Gravity

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 4, 2014
Messages
1
Hello friends, I hope you are all doing well. I know I'm not. I wish I had discovered this wonderful site a long time ago but alas I fell into depravity before stumbling into a pool of collective wisdom such as this. My goal in this post is to either seek advice on how to proceed from my current state or at least warn some other misguided youth against abusing the gifts we have been given.

You see friends I was... fairly new to the drug scene and yes that means I was overzealous. I suppose I thought it would grant me freedom, but my foolishness has earned me only pain.

To elaborate, I used to only smoke weed regularly and then one day I happened upon something we all like to know as cocaine. Yes that was the turning point. For a year I would binge on coke every week, thinking that as long as I came back to normal it would be ok. Seeing few long term negative results I began to mix in alchohol mushrooms and then valium. Finally I reached the crescendo by binging on untested DMT. Whew that was a wake up call, but far too late. Now I wake up every night completely aware of my internal organs, and it hurts unbelievably bad. It feels like getting stabbed and having a spiteful rival twist the knife with vengeful fervor. What's worse is the damage to my brain. I can barely remember anything anymore. Ill frequently stop halfway through a sentance, completely mystified as to what I was talking about, or ill try to learn some new form of information that is vital for work or school, but to no avail. Math? Forget about it. Basic short term cognative memory? Nope. Long term recollection? Nix that. Hell I'm shocked I can even form legible sentences still. It doesn't mean much though as my critical thinking and creative skills are completely destroyed. Needless to say I've been fired from my job and dropped out of school. I'm living with friends now but I have no idea what to do. Thinking is a chore it feels like my head is full of sluge and I have this constant sensation of pressure building up inside my skull, like the facehuger from alien is growing inside it and preparing to burst forth from my eye socket.

If there's anything you should take away from this its to appreciate just how amazing your brain is. The ability to learn remember and create is a fascinating and irriplacable gift, something that is not to be squandered.
 
Which do you think did the most damage? The least? Which did you enjoy the most? Which is the one you would recomend to never touch, if not most of them?
 
You need to abstain for extended periods of time until you can dismiss your body's chance of reaching homeostasis.

Homeless -> Sober Living
 
I am not downplaying what you are saying in any way. Drugs definitely do damage when done in excessive amounts and I can relate to a lot of your experiences and lasting seemingly permanent after effects of drug abuse described here. But for someone who has suffered such incredible damage to the brain you seem to still be more then capable of describing your state of being writing in such an intelligible fashion. Perhaps a lot of this is psychosomatic. Maybe you are not as lost/messed up as you seem to think you are?

I remember feeling this way for a very long time. After a while I realized that by dwelling on these thoughts the percieved issues would intensify ten fold. Our brains heal with time. Also humans are very good at adapting to situations, and this includes mental states of being. When was the last time you used?
 
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