Hi. Umm. I feel kinda zombified. Just idk, im not withdrawing bad yet, idek if I will. I've just been snorting it for about 4 months. Did it last summer and quit no problem when my friend did, but now... it's taken over my mind. Just it's literally EVERYWHERE. I'm from Baltimore and there's soooo much dope (heroin) here it's crazy. I really wanna quit. I don't want to post pone it by just another day. I've been telling myself how I need to just detach from this craving and getting through it is the path to getting stronger, and then when it's gotten rough I just think of how I'm not even getting properly high and if I wanna get like I used to (like scared of dying for 5 bucks worth up my nose in some cases) I gotta stop to lower my tolerance. Can y'all offer words of advice and hugs n shit?
Really want to quit dope. Trying not to do any today, or tomorrow, ect. Support?
- Thread starter Emma2373
- Start date
Oh yea. I keep crying. Well I haven't been today but I cry for no reason. I remember one of the last times I tried to quit... got suicidal and started drinking, felt better but then I copped some dope and.. well.. then I ate a fuck ton of valium and copped some more but it had fenty.. then I woke up in the ER... my point is even tho I really can't see this happening, I get emotionally unstable when I try to quit it. One day i remember I wasn't going to do any and then I had burning metal heated in the fire and was pressing it on me. I mean I feel stable rn. I know it may sound stupid but sometimes I feel like I have to get high so i don't go crazy fuck up and die. :/
Yesterday I did about 1-4 maybe even 1-6 my daily dose. Now I'm considering trying to do just a little bit. Not enough to get high by any means. Just enough to cut down the craving. Like one cap. I'd prolly buy the shittier caps too. I know that sounds dumb to buy dope you know isn't as good as other dope but seriously I want to quit. There were a few days when I bought this dope I knew was completely whack cuz I just NEEDED to put something up my fucking nose and I was like well it's gotta atlesast almost be dope to satiate the craving, so I did that. if I cut down to one cap a day of the not so good shit, then half, then a quarter, then quit. But like ughghghhghg88gh I was sposed to just stop. :/
its normal to get emotionally unstable when you withdraw. if i were you id try to get some suboxone or kratom, it doesnt sound like your habit is all that bad if you got a single 8 mg sub you could probably get away without too much withdrawal.
MDPV_Psychosis
Bluelighter
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It sounds like you aren't sure if your physically dependent yet. If you aren't, then you will be very soon if you don't quit... then it'll be even that much harder to quit. It's a good thing you want to quit now.
We are here for you, and you can totally do this of you are determined.
But really you should quit now. Its hard enough dealing with the emotional stuff (which you already are experiencing) that happens when you quit but things get all that much worse when you are going through physical withdrawals too.
Have you considered tapering? Or switching to kratom and then tapering off that? Tapering is usually used to lessen the amount of physical withdrawals... but in your case, a taper might help you keep yourself together a bit more emotionally while you get slowly used to taking less and less. It may help lessen the severity of cravings too as you will slowly adapt to taking less and less and eventually none at all.
Like I said, you can do this. Try to stay positive (easier said then done). Don't dwell on the negatives too much. Try to keep yourself active doing things you like. Excersize, eat well.
Good luck and know BL is always here if needed.
We are here for you, and you can totally do this of you are determined.
But really you should quit now. Its hard enough dealing with the emotional stuff (which you already are experiencing) that happens when you quit but things get all that much worse when you are going through physical withdrawals too.
Have you considered tapering? Or switching to kratom and then tapering off that? Tapering is usually used to lessen the amount of physical withdrawals... but in your case, a taper might help you keep yourself together a bit more emotionally while you get slowly used to taking less and less. It may help lessen the severity of cravings too as you will slowly adapt to taking less and less and eventually none at all.
Like I said, you can do this. Try to stay positive (easier said then done). Don't dwell on the negatives too much. Try to keep yourself active doing things you like. Excersize, eat well.
Good luck and know BL is always here if needed.
kleinerkiffer
Bluelight Crew
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OD -> Sober Living
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
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What do you have going on in your life? Support network? School, work, family, etc?
Cdkman
Bluelighter
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Fellow Baltimorean here..it's a rough city to have a habit,tons of heroin on the street and a lack of rehabilitation networks..maybe get a sub and spit it into small doses and do a quick 3-5 day taper..most importantly change your life so u can deal with it while sober.find support and healthy alternative hobbies..best of luck%)
manboychef
Bluelighter
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- May 15, 2013
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Best advice. Remember: It didn't take you one day to get where you are, and it is going to take more than one day to get out of it.
The first thing you need is an attitude of willingness and the knowledge that there is nothing off the table when it comes to change. Start with small changes. If you work, drive to work or walk to work a different way...If you take the bus, sit in a different seat. Is there any mental health help you can seek? This will be integral to getting clean.
pigtownblues
Greenlighter
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baltimore strong.
Emma, you have to try to stop now, reading what you wrote makes me think you haven't crossed a lot of bridges that come with heroin addiction. especially in this city. if you don't try and find away to stop now all of the things you're feeling during your w/d will only keep happening - over, and over. Everything you're feeling is supposed to be happening.
I've tried to come off with xanax/valium/klonopin and it ends up right back to smack.
The worst thing is living right in the center of it all and having it all go on around you non stop. I tried living in Denver though. This place has a way of keeping people or pulling you back, but the geographical cure is always so much fun !
Good luck
Emma, you have to try to stop now, reading what you wrote makes me think you haven't crossed a lot of bridges that come with heroin addiction. especially in this city. if you don't try and find away to stop now all of the things you're feeling during your w/d will only keep happening - over, and over. Everything you're feeling is supposed to be happening.
I've tried to come off with xanax/valium/klonopin and it ends up right back to smack.
The worst thing is living right in the center of it all and having it all go on around you non stop. I tried living in Denver though. This place has a way of keeping people or pulling you back, but the geographical cure is always so much fun !
Good luck