Opioids ReaLly need help. I screwed up! Messed up big time :(

[Craziness]

Hey, I really need help (that's an understatement). I was on methadone for lots of years..
Started relapsing again so I had to go back on the program.
Thought it was actually helping at first (and maybe it was)...
Months later now my dose isn't holding me anymore... I get sick by the evenings even sometimes and mornings are not fun at all. Cravings r getting fierce now too at times (even more so than before sometimes, especially when I'm not properly held)...
Freaking out and I don't know what to do anymore . Can anyone help me? I feel so stupid. I feel like there's no way out (it's already been so many years stuck in this opiate addiction circle and I'm getting older). I thought Methadone was supposed to help :S
It's effecting my family a lot now too , and I'm totally freaked out !
I'm a mess without it, yet unhappy with it (to a degree).. Plus I can't stop remembering how my last high dose maintenance treatment was, which is effecting this one now to (and I don't want to go up more either) :S

I don't know what to do anymore!

 

[Screaming_Skull]

Have you thought about Subs instead of methadone?? Was your drug of choice poppys before you got on Methadone?? Or maybe try kratom??? I would Def look into Subs though. Are you only on 10mg of done now????

 

[JustADudeYep]

Think some more info would help. Are you using a methadone clinic? If so, let them know your dose isnt enough. The kratom idea is another possible route, although I have never tried it. If I get in a jam and facing w/d then I will give it a shot. But I'm confused by your post. Are you trying to get off everything? Did you run out of meds?

 

[Craziness]

My DOC was Oxycontin or Heroin. I can't go up on the methadone because my body rejects it completely because it was on it before and absolutely hated it at a point. I can remember now...
I don't know what's wrong with me

I've tried staying on the methadone for longer but I hated it after a while and it stopped lasting longer and longer the more I stayed on it, and sometimes I would be sick by the evenings or unable to sleep.

After reading more, I ended up jumping off with the aid of kratom. The kratom sort of helps take the edge off of things, but I'm still pretty messed up overall.
Today is even worse.

Not sure if I should just keep fighting it out or not, but I really hate that methadone shit (part of me always has). The first time I was on it was absolute hell after a while, and coming off of it was even worse!... so damn annoying and long.
Subs are even more expensive too!!...
I don't know what I should do here . I don't know why, but methadone seems to really mess up my head sometimes to. I'm pretty confused and I feel stuck.

 

[pbuilder]

Well, listen, 10mg methadone habit is like a a very shallow pit, compared to 90mgs. You haven't dig yourself in deep yet, you can climb out with relative ease I believe in you.

TRY KRATOM! It's truly a miracle substance, borneo red vein kratom man, like 80mgs or a point of really good quality #4 h gets me high, but I'm a chipper and when I go on a small bender, kratom is still so effective. 5 grams, and RLS and the aches and pains and shit depression is gone (never had a habit that caused me serious withdrawals when I stopped because the most I've used consecutively to date is probsbly 5-7 days, I can't afford a daily habit or maybe I'd be in real trouble lol)


And 9-12 gram dose I'm fucking high! Like, woah, I feel warm and nauseous and need to take a gravol and lie down to enjoy it, type of high.

So, you can order in bulk online for like 150$ 400 grams (that's not a real price just a guesstimate)

And if you dose it 5-10 grams 3-4 times a day for a few weeks you will kick your methadone dependence and can then start tapering off the kratom which does have some withdrawals but nothing compared to a true opiate habit.

Good luck!

 

[pbuilder]

My DOC was Oxys and heroin (Oxys when I couldn't score H). I can't go up on the methadone because my body rejects it completely because it was on it before and absolutely hated it. I just want off methadone. I want my life back already. I tried jumping off 15mgs cold turkey and wanted to die after day 6. I hated how I felt on 15mgs to (just so zombieish and empty shelled). 10mgs a day wasn't as bad but it still sucked. All I really was able to do was lie on my bed once that 2-3 hour glow was up until the day was over...
i don't know what's wrong with me
I've only heard bad things about Suboxone to so I'm scared of it. Someone I knew even said if they knew about subs they would have just stayed on methadone to begin with (this was after they kicked the subs).
I tried staying on the done for longer (the 10mgs a day, but I hated it and it stopped lasting longer and longer the more I stayed on it and I would be sick by the evening and unable to sleep).
I ended up jumping off the 10mgs cold-turkey yesterday with the aid of kratom. Today's day 2. The kratom sort of helps take the edge off, but I'm still pretty messed up. I've just been taking about 4-4.5 grams of Kratom in tea every 4 hours.
Today (day 2 without any methadone is worse than yesterday).
Not sure if I should just keep fighting it out or not, but I really hate that methadone shit (I always have). The first time I was on it I was up to 90mgs a day and it was absolute hell (especially by the end of the second year on it), and coming off of it was even worse.. so damn hard and long.
Does anyone know more about the comparison of methadone compared to subs? I read up everything I could find. Subs are more expensive to...
I don't know what I should do here . I don't know why but methadone seems to really mess up my head, and I usually don't notice until I'm off of the methadone to...

Good, you did find kratom. Dose higher! 4 grams is like borderline threshold effects IMO, 8 grams should do a lot more for your withdrawals, if not take them away entirely.

I'd recommend just putting the powder in your mouth (about 3 grams at a time) and chasing with a juice beverage to kill the taste, swish the juice around, dry kratom gets everywhere in your mouth lol. I think it is much more potent when ingested straight like this.

 

[Craziness]

I caved and I had to take the methadone again today
The kratom worked at first, and I felt nice and was able to enjoy music and everything. It stopped working as well afterwards tho for some reason...

Today was rough. (Had to put my hoodie on and my head started to play crazy overloading mind games).

I don't have energy on methadone to do things ever...

I don't feel as empty shelled so to speak on this dose right now but I have zero energy and am usually smoking cigarettes or bed ridden . Plus sometimes I'm sick by the evenings and sometimes can't even sleep.

I literally don't no what to do anymore..
After the kratom stopped working I started having cravings for the stronger stuff again (especially while in withdrawal). It's not a bad strain either (plus my parents are cautious about me taking more of the kratom). And it started giving me too much anxiety after my second cup, hours after the 1st (the first dose of the day was pretty relaxing :S).
I seriously don't no what to do anymore
I don't no what's wrong with me .

To top it off I'm stuck on the benzos too, which my family wants me off of already. I get really bad anxiety still too.

Sometimes I feel like using a strong SAO again or relapsing (especially after enough time in withdrawal, yet my body refuses to go up on the methadone anymore because I can still remember how it is. It's so confusing.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore

Please help . Bump *

 

[Craziness]

Terrible day. Almost getting kicked out. Cravings are shooting through the roof and the Methadone is not really holding me anymore. Really fucked myself over.

 

[cj]

Getting off maintenance is probably the hardest thing I ever tried to do in my life. There is no shame going back on methadone and trying again later when you are ready.

 

[jkmkaye]

Can you take Kratom while on Subutex?

 

[pbuilder]

If kratom is difficult to stomache, take a gravol a bit before you dose. If it's the taste that kills you, either put smaller amounts
In your mouth at once (1-2g chased by juice while plugging your nose you barely notice)

Or you can buy those big capsules I think they are 00 size or 000 size, they hold over a gram each and then you don't gave to deal with the taste at all.

 

[pbuilder]

Can you take Kratom while on Subutex?

I don't thinkso, subutex has nalexone right? The kratom will have no effect.

 

[purplehaze147]

I don't thinkso, subutex has nalexone right? The kratom will have no effect.

Subutex does not have naloxone. It will still block opioids. It's the buprenorphine that blocks opioids in suboxone too more than the naloxone. The naloxone doesn't make a difference at all I've been on both. Also subutex will still cause precipitated withdrawal.

You should not be getting sick at the end of the day on methadone from staying on the same dose. If you stay on the same amount of an opioid it's not possible to get sick from you building a tolerance to it. It will just stop giving you a buzz. Are you doing other drugs? That may be why you feel sick.

Ask for a 5mg dose increase on the methadone if the cravings are that bad. 15mg a day is not a lot.

 

[purplehaze147]

I don't understand why people recommend kratom to opioid addicts. That is some weak and nasty shit. It won't be better than methadone or suboxone at all. Once you've been addicted to opioids in the past your tolerance builds rapidly to where it was before, kratom would be pointless & wouldn't stop cravings.

 

[cj]

I don't understand why people recommend kratom to opioid addicts. That is some weak and nasty shit. It won't be better than methadone or suboxone at all. Once you've been addicted to opioids in the past your tolerance builds rapidly to where it was before, kratom would be pointless & wouldn't stop cravings.

That was my experience with kratom. Pretty useless but I have known some former addicts who swear by it.

 

[Johno88]

I would recommend suboxone. Talk to your doctor about this, don't try and deal with this on your own. You said you reduced the amount of benzos you take, I'd say they would have a lot to do with the way your feeling. Stay positive and talk honestly with your doctor.

 

[figaro44]

You just gotta forgive yourself. I really struggle with that. But io say to myself id forgive everyone i know why do i gotta be like that to myself

 

[figaro44]

yeah i could take like 20 g4ams cuz i had just had back surgery and was on diladid or whatever its called

 

[figaro44]

If my message doesnt go right under you like im trying to. will u still know i messaged you?

 

[Erikmen]

Hey, I really need help (that's an understatement). I was on methadone for a few years. Hated it to the core (was on 90mgs a day).
Relapsed within the first year off methadone on poppy seeds, got scared, so I put myself back on the 'done (reading through that probably was like pouring gasoline on a fire, so damn stupid of me). Thought it was helping...
Two months later the 10mgs a day isn't holding me anymore. I get sick by the evening. Cravings r getting fierce now too(even more so at times than before).
Freaking out and I don't know what to do anymore . Can anyone help me? I feel stupid. I feel like there's no way out (it's already been seven years stuck in this opiate addiction circle and I'm getting older). Its effecting my family a lot too , and im totally freaked out !

i don't know what to do anymore

Go back to the usual dosage of methadone. Even you have do decrease a quarter pill every week. Hold tight for the cravings. It does not last that long. You can make it. Send me a pm if you need any further advice.
Good luck!