Reading the Silent Cat

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

Just a preface.... I've always been scared of posting in Words. I used to write poetry a lot, but nowdays I might put pen to paper every 2 years or so, and then I'll have a bit of a spree. But it's never very good. I was never very good. I got a pass in poetry in my university degree but high distinction in journalistic/features writing; I don't really have the knack for fiction or metaphor but I like to try nonetheless.

I find myself writing verse when a big feeling stirs up in me, something I can't put into words in a normal diary/journal entry, and so the semi journal/rhyming verse is the result.

ps. I'm really scared of putting them here!


Reading the Silent Cat

Like a cat I afford him
Traits he does not posess. Maybe
I am too muddled, too complex
for his mind to process -
So he is silent?

Yet why
In his silence do I read a Shakesperean sonnet
When it is a blank page?
Perhaps, like the cat I think,
If I'm silent enough - return his silence
Hard enough, with imbedded wishes
One day he might know me.

Or perhaps we are simply
different creatures.

Different chapters
in different libraries
Speaking gobbledegook;
Curious, clumsy conversations
Through shelves and walls
and brick and stone.

Muffled... mangled by perception
and translation.

And yet

How does a single kiss!

A smile, a touch,
melt those walls, soothe claws, unjumble
Words untie thoughts and...
Make everything

Okay?

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

Another; this was today. I guess I'm thinking a lot about responsibility now

The Key

Step up...
Step up to the plate
(Relinquish control to gain control...
the ultimate paradox!)

It's time to grow up... fuck.

He has the key.
What can you be?

When you remember how you used to...
Take shivering steps forward
into the future

And felt so free.

That place unknown
Was not so great after all
For each step forward
Two back.... and,
the inevitable fall

Something has metamorphisised
In my eyes

(laughs)

Now he's my saviour from falling down.
Not, the other way around.

 

[MR Candyslut]

Hey, i really like the first one!

There is not too much rhyme, but enough to make it rhythmic and i think it flows really nicely. Most of it works really well. I liked:

A smile, a touch,
melt those walls, soothe claws, unjumble
Words untie thoughts and...

Just two things. Firstly, i know it is a focus point of the poem, but i am not sure how much i like the cat simile, maybe because it is a little cutesy (not sure if that is the right word). I think the piece could be just as effective, if not more so, without it. And just a small thing, the word "gobbledegook." I tried to think what else might fit, and i cannot really think of anything. I know that is not very constructive, but i just think it sounds a little awkward. Other than that, i really like it. It enjoyed reading it.

Oh and ps, i know it should not be this way, but i am more scared to post in this forum more than any other one (yes, even Advanced Drug Discussion). I know i have put stuff up a few times and then deleted it an hour later

 

[Doppelganger]

I really liked the cat one. It was definately unique, but I was still able to understand where you were coming from. Flowed well too !

I've also only ever posted once in here, it's very scary stuff .

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

^thanks Lisa

i am not sure how much i like the cat simile, maybe because it is a little cutesy (not sure if that is the right word). I think the piece could be just as effective, if not more so, without it.

Yeah I know what you mean. I actually don't like how I've mixed two different ideas in together - the cat similie and the library metaphor - both intending to describe a relationship in which you're on different wavelengths, but to me the juxtaposition is a bit clumsy.

But there are (some) things I like about it, otherwise I wouldn't have posted it. I'm even less of a fan of the 2nd one, it was just scribbled down while watching a movie yesterday, that's me being really lazy.

ps. I stressed all morning about what comments I would find here. *breathes out*

 

[(Wordy)]

Good on you for posting these, SLM. I really like the first one too, especially the first two stanzas. Not sure if you've read any of her work, but it reminds me a little bit of Dorothy Porter... direct but with subtlety (plus she has an obsession with cats!). I love the way you’ve broken up your lines and stanzas, too – the way they break makes them flow ‘naturally’, with the fluidity of thoughts and feelings.

I really, really like these lines:

Perhaps, like the cat I think,
If I'm silent enough - return his silence
Hard enough, with imbedded wishes
One day he might know me.

And I don’t think there’s a problem with using two different metaphors to describe the same situation. Poetry would be kinda dull if all poems only consisted of one extended metaphor, although granted there are some great poems which consist of exactly that!

I know it can be daunting for most people to share their own creative writing with others. Depending on how personal the piece is, it can be a little like baring your soul for all to see. Most people are hesitant to share their most intimate thoughts with others, for fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, or whatever. Maybe it boils down to a fear of being discovered for who we are, and what we are, once all of our perceived faults and weaknesses are exposed?

Having said all that, I'm intrigued by all this talk of people finding Words a scary forum, or being scared to contribute to it. Words prides itself on being a supportive environment for all kinds of writers, from published authors through to absolute beginners, and offering positive feedback. In fact, it's part of our guidelines that only positive feedback can be given in response to Bluelighters’ work, unless the poster specifically asks for constructive criticism. So I’m sorry to break it to you MR Candyslut, but your post was pretty much in breach of the guidelines. No hard feelings about that, though. SLM seems to have taken it pretty well, or else she’s put on a brave face.

I'm interested to hear more about why people find Words intimidating or scary. If it’s just a fear of putting your own creative work out there, then I totally understand – it’s perfectly normal to be afraid of that. But if there are other aspects of the forum that make it seem intimidating, exclusive, judgemental, or unwelcoming in any way, then I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

I think for me it's a fear of failing to live up to the standards here. There are so many amazingly talented bluelighters who post in Words; I am a little intimidated.

(that's what it is for me, anyway, I don't know why others don't post )

Thanks for your post Wordy. I really appreciated it!

edited to add thoughts about Form:
I liked what you said about my breaking up the lines and stanzas. I've always been very interested in form; how 'staggering' thoughts can help create atmosphere. Not just for the sake of it, but at the natural pauses. I how a carefully chosen single sentence (or word!) can increase in power and drama tenfold, with a bit of space around it.

ee cummings is one of my favourite poets. Romantic imagery, unusual combinations of words... all imbued with an almost childlike joy. Each poem is a lullaby, and leaves you feeling complete at the end. I couldn't imagine writing so profusely about happy things, but oh, to be able to create atmosphere with stanzas like this

i have found what you are like
by e e cummings


i have found what you are like
the rain,

(Who feathers frightened fields
with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields

easily the pale club of the wind
and swirled justly souls of flower strike

the air in utterable coolness

deeds of green thrilling light
with thinned

newfragile yellows

lurch and.press

-in the woods
which
stutter
and

sing

And the coolness of your smile is
stirringofbirds between my arms;but
i should rather than anything
have(almost when hugeness will shut
quietly)almost,
your kiss

 

[MR Candyslut]

^ Oh, shit!! I am sorry guys - i always thought the guidelines stated constructive criticism, but not necessarily just positive stuff. I swear that is what they used to be. I guess the '06 revision changed that?

I know for next time anyway. I won't sin again

SLM, i hope you weren't offended by anything i said. As i stated, i genuinely liked it

 

[up all night]

I'm really glad you posted SLM! It's great to see new people in here who are writing interesting, well-written pieces. I remember when I first started posting it was a really intimidating community because we're all naturally quite sensitive about the things we write and while it wasn't bad feedback I feared, putting myself out there was a big step. I really do hope you continue to post.

I liked the first piece in particular and I do like your style. You mightn't think you're very good at fiction but I thought it was strong and well composed. Hope to see more.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

SLM, i hope you weren't offended by anything i said. As i stated, i genuinely liked it

Not at all Mr. Slut! It wasn't that bad what you said anyway.

But I do like the idea of the "no-criticism unless specified" rule, even pertaining to constructive criticism; that wasn't in place last time I was here either.

It's a great safety net to help new contributors be braver with sharing and build up their confidence, while still allowing established posters to have their work actually critiqued for improvements by asking for it.
I kinda wish husbands came with a 'listen to me share; don't try and fix it!" button

(maybe I'll post one one day and ask for criticism)

 

[(Wordy)]

I E. E. Cummings

(supposedly Cummings wanted his name to be typeset in conventional fashion, as above - but his editors preferred to render it in 'characteristic' lowercase)

 

[Raz]

I agree with UAN....I think you're being too hard on yourself SLM (who loves his abbreviations now?)....I think training in any kind of writing gives you a good grounding in basic composition...

I hope we see more of your stuff here!

Also, like Wordy said, it's a concern that people may not feel comfortable posting here - please let us know if y'all have any suggestions to deal with that! :D

 

[echo off]

really glad this got bumped... i would have missed it

'reading the silent cat' is beautiful. thanx for sharing.

 

[Amanita Mary]

- such unnecessary paranoia!- I enjoy you. Reading The Silent Cat hurt a bit - because it executed a perfect description of that sad, awkward poetry barrier that ive had with many of my lovers...who vappidly nodded or said, 'that was good' . Thank you, and please, for the love of all of us and whatever abstract force of nature it is that you believe in - - - POST MORE - - -

 

[(Wordy)]

^ Well said, Amanita Mary.

 

[tambourine-man]

really glad this got bumped... i would have missed it.

Yeah, me too!

SLM: I identify with what you've written in the first poem... only perhaps from the "cat's" perspective. My partner, I think, has a similar feeling towards me. We're an odd couple at times, but we see things in eachother that others don't. And that's the beauty. I think the cat metaphor works wonderfully! :D

The poem has rhythm... and whether it rhymes or not seems irrelevant. When something flows, it kinda rhymes all by itself!

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

We're an odd couple at times, but we see things in eachother that others don't. And that's the beauty.

You just described my husband and I to a tee (yep, the poem was about him, early in our relationship). On paper, completely mismatched, but somehow, like a work of art that shouldn't work but does, we just 'flow'.

This poem was therapeutic to me at the time. It was partly me being angsty about those differences, wondering if I could cope with someone who just didn't "get me" (as my ideal pie in the sky was at the time). But it was also me being aware and laughing at my innane tendency to attribute realms and realms of deep thoughts and feelings to him when he's in his own world; I mean *I* constantly think about us, about life, about how we connect, why shouldn't he?

LOL... 5 years down the track I've learned this about men: silence doesn't mean certain doom. He's probably just thinking whether he should watch Seinfeld or Friends at 7pm (and damn, some burger right now would be really fucking nice). :D

Oh, and that it's not as important to be 'understood' (cue Emo angst) as it is just to be loved with straightforward simplicity; and to know your heart is being held in safe strong hands.

People who 'get' me.... hey, that's what Words is for right

 

[Samadhi]

^ We come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. That's the hard part, when it comes down to it.

I loved it, and can relate.