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Rational Suicide: Please help me save my friend!

Zzyzx

Zzyzx

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Sep 8, 2008
Messages
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Location
The road on the way to Vegas
My best friend just told me he's going to kill himself soon and that I should make the most of the time left with him. I'm in total shock because I don't want to lose him but I have no clue how to save him.

He said it took him well over 10 years to mature his decision and that there is no point reporting him to get him under suicide watch because he'll simply act normal and they'll have no choice but to release him. And if I do that not only will I lose him but i'll lose him with a bad standing wich I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

This decision he says, comes after 20 years of physical and mental suffering that he just can't bear anymore. Well I couldnt bear to let him go like that.. Is that selfish of me????

I have good brain power myself but this guy outsmarts everyone and anyone I know. So all the 'life is great' jesus bullshit don't help at all. In the last decade he has consulted 5 or 6 different therapists with absolutely no result. He says the therapist were nowhere near smart enough to even begin to understand his situation.

I know that his current doctor has him on a pretty good dose of Effexor and Concerta and that my friend takes his meds exactly the way he should. I thought it would help him but he confessed it just provided him with the clarity of mind necessary for him to decide he wanted to die.

Please help me :(
 
I'd suggest trying to spend as much time with him as possible.
Talk to him, and be there for him. When someone is in that dark, dark place, suicide seems the only viable option.
Having been in that place myself, and only recently coming out of it, the best advise I can give is support.
Be an active listener, encourage him to talk about his feelings, and make him feel that he has your undivided attention.
I wish you all the best, and I hope you can support your friend.
 
SSRI's can contribute to suicidal thoughts also , if he's set on this ask him to please first try consulting with a phsych about med changes and give it go. This way he's under professional help automatically.
 
I'm sorry that he feels he needs to put you in that position, or maybe he cares about you that he doesn't want to leave knowing you didn't know. I have had a small amount of ideation in my life, I am an introvert and highly intelligent, but have never been so certain of my beliefs I was willing to voice them to another and especially to one I know well.

I wouldn't describe myself as at risk, but I have definitely considered it, but I haven't really experienced all that much in my 19.5 years. Like I mean, much much less than most people. It has me down in the dumps sometimes and other times not so much. I can't recall a prolonged experience 'depression' from my childhood but after about 16 years I have been in a rut. However I have always been able to rationalize and say it could be much worse.

Now obviously I have no knowledge of your friend, nor any valid life experience for you, but I just couldn't imagine anything short of sentencing to the death penalty that would make me want to commit suicide.

Does your friend like jokes? Not like jokey-joke-jokes, but real comedy. Comedy is the other side of tragedy, and mostly strong intellectuals are very comedic. It takes alot to write a good narrative or story that makes people laugh while making them look at the way the think and believe.

I guess there are two things preventing me from committing suicide, one, in the words of the great Arthur C Clarke, "I could never have prematurely terminated my love affair with physics." and I love the elasticity of my mind.

ANW
 
If he has suffered for 20 years, then chances are that the next 20 years won't suddenly become substantially more bearable. I obviously don't know your friend so I can't say this with total confidence, but it seems like he's rational enough to make this decision. It seems odd that the op would think his evaluation of the situation -- that his friend shouldn't commit suicide -- is somehow backed by more understanding than the victim's 20 years worth of contemplation.
 
AbleAndWilling said:
Does your friend like jokes? Not like jokey-joke-jokes, but real comedy. Comedy is the other side of tragedy, and mostly strong intellectuals are very comedic.
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This is my friend's favorite quote: ''Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.''

I think I know most of the key facts in his decision and to get better insight from you guys I think I need to share some.

My friend was born in what seems to most to be the best environment possible. Educated and rich parents with good moral values. But from his earliest age, ADHD set him apart of the group. This is at the beggining of the 80s and ADD/ADHD was not well known. From my understanding, all his life his parents and teachers just believed he was extremely lazy and they acted according to that belief. He dropped out of university and for years struggled to keep jobs well below his level of smart because of the undiagnosed ADD.

If that wasnt enough. Before high school he was gifted in so many fields. He was a soccer champion. He played the piano, saxophone, drums, and many others. Then at age 13, without warning, he got arthritis and psoriasis all over his body.

I'm not mad that he thinks about ending his life but I think that it'd be such a waste of talent. This guy is so nice and generous.
 
Zzyzx said:
This is my friend's favorite quote: ''Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.''

I think I know most of the key facts in his decision and to get better insight from you guys I think I need to share some.

My friend was born in what seems to most to be the best environment possible. Educated and rich parents with good moral values. But from his earliest age, ADHD set him apart of the group. This is at the beggining of the 80s and ADD/ADHD was not well known. From my understanding, all his life his parents and teachers just believed he was extremely lazy and they acted according to that belief. He dropped out of university and for years struggled to keep jobs well below his level of smart because of the undiagnosed ADD.

If that wasnt enough. Before high school he was gifted in so many fields. He was a soccer champion. He played the piano, saxophone, drums, and many others. Then at age 13, without warning, he got arthritis and psoriasis all over his body.

I'm not mad that he thinks about ending his life but I think that it'd be such a waste of talent. This guy is so nice and generous.
Click to expand...
From the way it sounds, your friend has a higher way of thinking, a higher intelligence. His acceptance of death, and wanting of death, could be a part of his higher level thinking.. part of his perspective of the world, a product of enlightenment. Maybe he feels that he doesn't belong in this world, and that's ok with him. For people with a higher level of intelligence, their perspective can be WAY off of yours.. so i'm warning you, he may want suicide for the RIGHT reasons (in his mind) and a lot of the times it's really hard to get yourself up to their level of thinking and change their perspective.. just a warning
 
I am probably wrong but it seems your friend is reaching out to you in a very desperate manner. Usually when someone is going to commit suicide they won't tell anyone. I think your friend thinks that you may be able to help in a radical manner that you haven't tried. The best advice I can give is to just be there for him, don't treat him like a child but just let him know how much you care an love him. Listen to what he has to say an try to get him to talk about those deep dark things. My favoriteite quote, this probably the wrong saying it was said but you'll get the idea "people are stupidly happy or wisely unhappy " people with depression often have a better sence of reality than others. I hope you an your friend will be okay.
 
If you really think hes gonna do this turn him in.. You got nothing to lose, hes gonna die anyway right?. Why not one last attempt to save his life, at least this way you wont live the rest of your life thinking maybe you could have saved him.. just my 2 cents

Sean
 
Lots of depressed people talk about commiting suicide, few actually do it.

If he is really serious there is not much you can do about it. If I were you i would try to convince him how much suffering his death would cause to people close to him. Remember, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
 
Zzyzx said:
I know that his current doctor has him on a pretty good dose of Effexor and Concerta and that my friend takes his meds exactly the way he should. I thought it would help him but he confessed it just provided him with the clarity of mind necessary for him to decide he wanted to die.

Please help me :(
Click to expand...

Encourage him to try different medications. They are clearly not helping and quite possibly making everything worse.

I'm not trying to be a smart ass or crude or anything but I would want to kill myself too if I was on those medications. I hope your friend can get on some other medications and I hope that they will work better for him.

What has he struggled with in life? Maybe you can try talking about the rough parts of his life as gently and kindly as possible.

Zzyzx said:
This is my friend's favorite quote: ''Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.''

I think I know most of the key facts in his decision and to get better insight from you guys I think I need to share some.

My friend was born in what seems to most to be the best environment possible. Educated and rich parents with good moral values. But from his earliest age, ADHD set him apart of the group. This is at the beggining of the 80s and ADD/ADHD was not well known. From my understanding, all his life his parents and teachers just believed he was extremely lazy and they acted according to that belief. He dropped out of university and for years struggled to keep jobs well below his level of smart because of the undiagnosed ADD.

If that wasnt enough. Before high school he was gifted in so many fields. He was a soccer champion. He played the piano, saxophone, drums, and many others. Then at age 13, without warning, he got arthritis and psoriasis all over his body.

I'm not mad that he thinks about ending his life but I think that it'd be such a waste of talent. This guy is so nice and generous.
Click to expand...

There are much better medications he should try with his doctor. I also have ADHD. I can tell you now that any SSRI + concerta is just asking for trouble.
 
I'm not trying to be the devils advocate or anything...but I'm not at all against suicide. For some people, maybe suicide is the way they're meant to go out. Or maybe they're in so much pain, it's better that way. In all honesty, it's his own life he's taking. Not yours. We all have the freedom to do what we will with our lives. If he's really set on this, maybe you should just make the most of your time with him, regardless of whether or not he's going to go through with this.
 
Has he ever had ECT?
I know it has a sinister reputation, but all the people I have ever spoken to who have had it have said it has saved their lives.
It's not as barbaric as it used to be these days.
 
Having feeling like shit and being very easily depressed, especially lately I know having my friend come visit me and talk to me in person certainly changes my mindset, even if only for the day.
 
Seith said:
Having feeling like shit and being very easily depressed, especially lately I know having my friend come visit me and talk to me in person certainly changes my mindset, even if only for the day.
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QF EXTREME T

Its what got me to call a detox center today. A friend letting me know he cared. Fucking puts me to tears typing it.
 
Altruism is usually a guise for ambition, lol
but does he read and if so what type of books? Some works can have monumental effects on people's lives maybe he just needs to become interested in something.... he should at least read all the classic philosophies before he dies ( thats something that i would do if i was about to leave this world)
 
I agree with the previous posts recommending to spend as much time as possible with him. When you're depressed, even minimal contact with others can make a huge difference. It's too easy to isolate yourself when you're depressed, and being around other people can act as a grounding influence. Alone and depressed, there's no one to give you a reality check and thoughts can become distorted and you can spiral down even further.

Ask him if he has a plan for how to carry it out, if he has access to what he needs to go through with it, and if he has a specific date in mind. Does this person have access to guns? Have they told their shrink about their intentions?

I've asked friends for permission to talk to their shrinks, which has helped my anxiety about being in situations like this. You can voice your concerns and have a plan in place for what to do if it seems like he's in imminent danger. Your friend gave you quite the burden to bear when they told you about this. If there comes a time when this becomes to much for you to handle, don't feel like a bad friend if you have to end up "ratting him out" to his parents or shrink or whoever. Remember it was his choice to tell you.

The fact that he told you of his plans makes me think that there is a part of him which isn't 100% sure about committing suicide. I think in most suicidal people there is a part of them which wants to do it and part of them that doesn't. If a person is truly hell bent on killing themselves, they will find a way to do it, even on a locked down psych ward. I think the best we can do as friends is to align ourselves with the part of them that doesn't want to commit suicide.
 
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