Hi, I would love some insight from people who understand this topic.
I was physically addicted for months, and taking the equivalent of 150 mgs+ day of diazepam in 2012.
After about 8 months out, I ran out, had an conscious, but otherwise, grandmal seizure from the waist and down. I was incredibly freaked out, as they were only thienodiazepines! The next day, I went to a medical professional for help. -- (I refuse and think everybody should NOT tell docs about unlicensed/ unknown benzo meds- PLEASE NOBODY DO THIS- think what would happen if they became illicit- everyone addicted to them would have seizures/ horrid w/ds! So please, just as you got addicted to them, do - not - make - others - suffer.. )
-- I worked out the equivalent of the thineos are- roughly 150mg +, told the doc, and was honest about the seizure/ other benzo w/d symptoms.. The doctor immediately put me on 30 mgs of diazepam a day, which I tapered off 2 mgs - 5mgs every week or so. I've been stable on 2 mgs a day since '14.
For months, years even, on the taper plan, I was still in savage benzo withdrawals. I thought they were real, but not serious, as they were overseen by a doctor. However, since '12- '13, I have had a terrible memory of events and a few times a week, wake up on the floor, extremely confused with no recollection. I've heard of others finding me on the floor, but have no memory of even seeing them. As I have lived by myself, I've learnt to live/ hide it from others by not going out. Since it started, for years I kept it private between me and my doctor. In return, he treated all the symptoms- referred me to a shrink, gave me bladder control pills, gave me pregabs/ betablockers/ antipsychotics/ SNRIS/ sleeping pills/ steroids/ etc.. In December '13, I eventually gave up seeking even my doctors help for the seizure episodes, and self medicated using heroin (first hoping OD to get it to stop, but smoked it instead which made living with problems more doable).. I continued the benzo taper with G.P, just didn't bother speaking or trying to get help for physical health from 01/14 - 12/15.
For for first time since this started, I'm seeking -other- medical advice from another surgery. Every other doctor, nurse and professional has confirmed my suspicions about the seizure-like events, and I'm being sent to a neurologist asap.
Please: Nobody make my stupid mistake!! Go with your suspicions, don't 100% believe someone just as they are a doctor. Get a 2nd or 3rd opinion if a diagnosis doesn't feel right.
I was wondering--
How on earth can someone *still* experience seizures when they've been on a stable dose of 2mgs for over a year? :/
If benzo seizures are recurrent enough, can they causes permanent damage to the brain? Will it effect the neurology of my brain? :/
Should I do anything about the slight neglience of the original doctor? (I don't blame him for the problems, just wish he had listened to my complaints about passing out with no memory more seriously, referred me to someone who wanted to find out what was wrong, instead of treating the related symptoms individually... ) I don't want him to get fired/ get in trouble. He might then refuse to help patients in benzo w/d! He just should of put the pieces of the puzzle together, by himself.
Also: any advice on what to do about the seizures?
( I had one again yesterday. Have a few a week (I think?).. Thanks Dr Google for letting me know it's normal to not remember them!
I'm sorry for the stupid questions.. I honestly I thought (and so did my old G.P!) I was going mad/crazy/dumb for having moments of confusion and having no recollection, physically weak for waking up on the floor all the time, with the bladder incontinence of an old women, etc etc..
I knew seizures where common short term with benzoo, but I didn't know long term ?! Ugh.. Well...
I was physically addicted for months, and taking the equivalent of 150 mgs+ day of diazepam in 2012.
After about 8 months out, I ran out, had an conscious, but otherwise, grandmal seizure from the waist and down. I was incredibly freaked out, as they were only thienodiazepines! The next day, I went to a medical professional for help. -- (I refuse and think everybody should NOT tell docs about unlicensed/ unknown benzo meds- PLEASE NOBODY DO THIS- think what would happen if they became illicit- everyone addicted to them would have seizures/ horrid w/ds! So please, just as you got addicted to them, do - not - make - others - suffer.. )
-- I worked out the equivalent of the thineos are- roughly 150mg +, told the doc, and was honest about the seizure/ other benzo w/d symptoms.. The doctor immediately put me on 30 mgs of diazepam a day, which I tapered off 2 mgs - 5mgs every week or so. I've been stable on 2 mgs a day since '14.
For months, years even, on the taper plan, I was still in savage benzo withdrawals. I thought they were real, but not serious, as they were overseen by a doctor. However, since '12- '13, I have had a terrible memory of events and a few times a week, wake up on the floor, extremely confused with no recollection. I've heard of others finding me on the floor, but have no memory of even seeing them. As I have lived by myself, I've learnt to live/ hide it from others by not going out. Since it started, for years I kept it private between me and my doctor. In return, he treated all the symptoms- referred me to a shrink, gave me bladder control pills, gave me pregabs/ betablockers/ antipsychotics/ SNRIS/ sleeping pills/ steroids/ etc.. In December '13, I eventually gave up seeking even my doctors help for the seizure episodes, and self medicated using heroin (first hoping OD to get it to stop, but smoked it instead which made living with problems more doable).. I continued the benzo taper with G.P, just didn't bother speaking or trying to get help for physical health from 01/14 - 12/15.
For for first time since this started, I'm seeking -other- medical advice from another surgery. Every other doctor, nurse and professional has confirmed my suspicions about the seizure-like events, and I'm being sent to a neurologist asap.
Please: Nobody make my stupid mistake!! Go with your suspicions, don't 100% believe someone just as they are a doctor. Get a 2nd or 3rd opinion if a diagnosis doesn't feel right.
I was wondering--
How on earth can someone *still* experience seizures when they've been on a stable dose of 2mgs for over a year? :/
If benzo seizures are recurrent enough, can they causes permanent damage to the brain? Will it effect the neurology of my brain? :/
Should I do anything about the slight neglience of the original doctor? (I don't blame him for the problems, just wish he had listened to my complaints about passing out with no memory more seriously, referred me to someone who wanted to find out what was wrong, instead of treating the related symptoms individually... ) I don't want him to get fired/ get in trouble. He might then refuse to help patients in benzo w/d! He just should of put the pieces of the puzzle together, by himself.
Also: any advice on what to do about the seizures?
( I had one again yesterday. Have a few a week (I think?).. Thanks Dr Google for letting me know it's normal to not remember them!
I'm sorry for the stupid questions.. I honestly I thought (and so did my old G.P!) I was going mad/crazy/dumb for having moments of confusion and having no recollection, physically weak for waking up on the floor all the time, with the bladder incontinence of an old women, etc etc..
I knew seizures where common short term with benzoo, but I didn't know long term ?! Ugh.. Well...
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