x eNiGmA kiD x
Bluelighter
You've refused me to see you ... even online.
It's like you've gone off to another state ...
it might be just my state of mind.
Maybe I'm ready not to ever see you again.
I'm finally becoming a victim of understanding and acceptance.
But that doesn't mean I've let you go ...
I can't ... my heart won't ignore the pain, the emptiness...
I stand alone on the path to confusion,
wondering where to start over and how?
I feel like a virgin again ... it's actually worst because I know what to expect but my body and mind refuses attention...
I'm scared ... so scared ... I know this pain is eternal ... and internal.
but I want to feel again. I want to be able to wake up in the morning with something to look forward too ... it used to be you.
now I just sleep in till past 2pm... I find excuses not to go out on dates... I work overtime all the time...
but I want to feel good again ... to explore something old with a different person,
a new illusion ... that feeling of innocence in love.
maybe that's why people breakup and go out with other people, it's just for that little feeling that they get at the beginning of each relationship: that "getting to know eachother stage" ...
But we know eachother already... I wish we didn't just for the sake of re-meeting you... re-learning you... but your gone........
now I'm learning the feeling of your absence,
which causes me confusion... and the moment you left me I became disoriented ... destroyed ...
I no longer want to search or feel new emotions because I'm stuck on the rewind button of our past... I want to only be with you.
I don't know how to move on ...
but in a way I want to let go of you. because letting go of you means I'm finally free... right now I lay emotionally restraint. I feel like I'm in a fight with myself?!?
I'm iced down to my toes... I don't even feel the shoes I wear any more ... on the note I don't even paint my toes another more.
-eNiGmA kiD / Dreams [03.02.02]
Ramblings of a confused mind ....
Written / dedicated to L.M.M.
It's like you've gone off to another state ...
it might be just my state of mind.
Maybe I'm ready not to ever see you again.
I'm finally becoming a victim of understanding and acceptance.
But that doesn't mean I've let you go ...
I can't ... my heart won't ignore the pain, the emptiness...
I stand alone on the path to confusion,
wondering where to start over and how?
I feel like a virgin again ... it's actually worst because I know what to expect but my body and mind refuses attention...
I'm scared ... so scared ... I know this pain is eternal ... and internal.
but I want to feel again. I want to be able to wake up in the morning with something to look forward too ... it used to be you.
now I just sleep in till past 2pm... I find excuses not to go out on dates... I work overtime all the time...
but I want to feel good again ... to explore something old with a different person,
a new illusion ... that feeling of innocence in love.
maybe that's why people breakup and go out with other people, it's just for that little feeling that they get at the beginning of each relationship: that "getting to know eachother stage" ...
But we know eachother already... I wish we didn't just for the sake of re-meeting you... re-learning you... but your gone........
now I'm learning the feeling of your absence,
which causes me confusion... and the moment you left me I became disoriented ... destroyed ...
I no longer want to search or feel new emotions because I'm stuck on the rewind button of our past... I want to only be with you.
I don't know how to move on ...
but in a way I want to let go of you. because letting go of you means I'm finally free... right now I lay emotionally restraint. I feel like I'm in a fight with myself?!?
I'm iced down to my toes... I don't even feel the shoes I wear any more ... on the note I don't even paint my toes another more.
-eNiGmA kiD / Dreams [03.02.02]
Ramblings of a confused mind ....
Written / dedicated to L.M.M.
