hello all,
past few days have been kinda shitty because still having a hard time with what i'm going through. it's still hard adjusting to the way things are right now. its like no one in my family really cares what i'm going through. wouldn't u think that your mother would worry that her son has no food to eat? or where he's laying his head at night? or what he's doing? I know that if i was a father, id atleast worry about how my son is doing, even regardless if he's a heroin addict. id try to make sure that he's got food to eat, like basic shit that doesn't expire, like bread, peanut butter, jelly packets.
Hell been busting my ass since being officially 'on my own', and when i mean by that is i havn't seen a single penny from anyone in my family. so been having to make do with what i got, and right now i don't have a lot. I get by tho, I am working, but due to stormy/rainy weather I cant work because its outside. and the sexy weather lady says severe thunderstorms, i hear the thunder now. ihope that shits north of me. and its not 100% full time work, i get paid by the day, and when theres no work, then theres no $, and no $ equals added stress. im living in,out and around my car and the #1 thing is gas. gotta have it if i plan to go 2 work, go to places etc.
if anyones been keeping up with my blogs then the past few days you know that ive been living in a homeless mission/shelter, and it sucks. not because its a shelter but because im trying so hard to do right, and still i winde back up in a shelter.
its like no matter how hard i try,things just seem to get worst. i don't know why or how i'm still alive today to be honest, ive already tried to OD on heroin and didn't work. I just come to from shit like that and things only get worst.
i think about shit like 'wat if i really wer to die'? what would my friends and family do, and who would come to my funeral? it makes me teary just thinking about it because i can see it now, not saying i want to go kick the bucket but fuck man, a guy can only take in so much stress before it catchs up with him. because i'm an addict, i think and do things a lot differently then 'normal' people. emotions are running rampid, and cant seem to escape the darkness that i'm in. I really don't want to end the story now, but i just dont see any hope anymore. can't say where i'm going to be tonight, just hope that i'm not going to regret anything i end up doing.
i'll continue to do good things, but still waiting on good things being done in return, i guess i'll find out sooner or later. fuck what have i got myself into?
past few days have been kinda shitty because still having a hard time with what i'm going through. it's still hard adjusting to the way things are right now. its like no one in my family really cares what i'm going through. wouldn't u think that your mother would worry that her son has no food to eat? or where he's laying his head at night? or what he's doing? I know that if i was a father, id atleast worry about how my son is doing, even regardless if he's a heroin addict. id try to make sure that he's got food to eat, like basic shit that doesn't expire, like bread, peanut butter, jelly packets.
Hell been busting my ass since being officially 'on my own', and when i mean by that is i havn't seen a single penny from anyone in my family. so been having to make do with what i got, and right now i don't have a lot. I get by tho, I am working, but due to stormy/rainy weather I cant work because its outside. and the sexy weather lady says severe thunderstorms, i hear the thunder now. ihope that shits north of me. and its not 100% full time work, i get paid by the day, and when theres no work, then theres no $, and no $ equals added stress. im living in,out and around my car and the #1 thing is gas. gotta have it if i plan to go 2 work, go to places etc.
if anyones been keeping up with my blogs then the past few days you know that ive been living in a homeless mission/shelter, and it sucks. not because its a shelter but because im trying so hard to do right, and still i winde back up in a shelter.
its like no matter how hard i try,things just seem to get worst. i don't know why or how i'm still alive today to be honest, ive already tried to OD on heroin and didn't work. I just come to from shit like that and things only get worst.
i think about shit like 'wat if i really wer to die'? what would my friends and family do, and who would come to my funeral? it makes me teary just thinking about it because i can see it now, not saying i want to go kick the bucket but fuck man, a guy can only take in so much stress before it catchs up with him. because i'm an addict, i think and do things a lot differently then 'normal' people. emotions are running rampid, and cant seem to escape the darkness that i'm in. I really don't want to end the story now, but i just dont see any hope anymore. can't say where i'm going to be tonight, just hope that i'm not going to regret anything i end up doing.
i'll continue to do good things, but still waiting on good things being done in return, i guess i'll find out sooner or later. fuck what have i got myself into?
