Quitting Meth and Heroin (please help)

[beckeryyy00]

Hello, I?m an addict. Right now my troubles are mainly focused on meth and heroin. I have managed to quit other amphetamines, spice, weed, LSD, cocaine, alcohol, and pain killers. But that was only because i found what i guess you can say is my true calling.
I?m someone who will do the most with these drugs. I smoke it, eat it, snort it, shoot it, and put it up the butt. And because i do the most with my addiction it has caused my to fatally overdose on meth twice and heroin once. I have had many scares yet continue to do it. Why? because i?m an addict..
Let me give you a little background information on me. This might shock you but i?m only 18 years old. But the toll my addiction had taken on my life has made it seem like i?ve been at it for 20+ years. I started my most basic substance (alcohol) at the age of 12. Since then it?s been using of some sort of drug, till i?m either put in the hospital, including mental hospitals, put in juvy, or in rehab. Or i decided to quit and go into 12 step meetings. But that last less than four months.
I lived in a group home for about a year and half. They were the best thing that happened to me. And my addiction caused me to screw them and myself over. I recently just got out of rehab a little over a month ago. Was able to go back to my group home. Yet relapsed a week in. Because of that i caused so much tension between me and the woman i loved the most (the group home owner). And a week later decided to move out and move in with a former group home kid who is now a heroin addict and hooker. And another kid from the group home who is my best friend lives with us too. He would slang drugs but gave it up.
Since i left the group home I?ve been introduced to heroin. Which lead me to 2 out of the 3 hospital trips i went to in just one week. Shooting up dope is a lot more dangerous than shooting up meth. But of course i didn?t think about that. I never think when it comes to my addiction.
Mentally i?m all screwed up. I hallucinate, irritable at all times, memory problems to the point where it?s scaring me, and i go in a zombie like state sometimes. As for physically, i probably weigh less than 100 pounds now, i can?t pee without having to sit there and concentrate for a good minute, my eyes have this yellowish tint to them and they go blurry and i get exotropia and esotropia at times.
I haven?t done meth since 12pm yesterday. It no longer gets me high, i just use it to avoid withdrawals. It?s only been a three week binge on these drugs and my tolerance has increased greatly or the chemicals in my brain are just not producing anymore. So i know i?m in for a serious crash. I sleep pretty good, but i only eat about once every other day. sometimes throw it up. As for heroin my last shot was about an hour ago. I missed. Which led me to start crying about how much i hate this life.
Today I reached out to some people in the 12 step programs. The woman i want to become my sponsor (when i can finally kick heroin) suggested detox. But i have some other factors that could possibly keep that from happening. As for now she?s taking me to a meeting tonight and i?m going to slowly kick this shit. I came to Bluelight today to see if anyone can help me with resources, personal experiences, advice, and some truthful reality. Because i need all the help i can get.

 

[aihfl]

You really should detox in an inpatient setting for several reasons, the most pressing of which is you're very likely malnourished. The last time I was taken to a hospital for detox, I hadn't eaten much in literally weeks and my potassium level was so low I was in cardiac arrest territory. Not only will an inpatient setting make you physically more comfortable, you will probably get IV electrolytes to take you out of imminent physical danger. Opiate and meth withdrawal don't have the same potential for mortality like alcohol, benzo or barbiturate withdrawals, but severe malnourishment and dehydration can be deadly. And the jaundice is a surefire indicator of an unhealthy liver. You need medical help. Look at the "factors that could possibly keep that from happening" and weigh that against possibly dying. I'm not being melodramatic; I've been there.

 

[freesolo123]

I would drop the Meth first get my sleep and mental health in check then go for the H

 

[beckeryyy00]

Thank you for the feedback. My one reason as to why i?m reluctant about going into detox is because i?m waiting to hear back about a job opportunity. I get the news tomorrow. If i don?t get no doubt about it i?ll be in detox by tomorrow night, and looking at sober living options. But if i do i need different approaches. I know they say nothing is more important than your sobriety but i have fears of living on the street, being more broke than what i already am, and losing all of my belongings.

 

[aihfl]

Look, I'm not trying to be heavy handed here but let's be realistic. You're extremely unwell. Liver function has to be severely, and I mean severely, impaired to be experiencing jaundice. I told a an outpatient therapist about four years ago that I couldn't go back to inpatient rehab because of my job. She came back at me and said, "You very well may not have a job at all if you don't go to rehab and get it together." How prophetic that was. I didn't go and I lost a job I loved less than a year later for being intoxicated on the job. Do yourself a favor and look at the big picture. You can always another job. Is the short term gain you'd experience worth the possibility of irreparably damaging your health? I'm not trying shill for detox. I'm just someone who has been in your shoes and was someone who minimized just how dangerously bad my health was. Unlike a lot of posters over in Other Drugs, it sounds like you have an awareness that you need to take drastic steps to turn your life around. But that's going to be extremely difficult if you are physically unwell and in pain/discomfort.

 

[beckeryyy00]

Look, I'm not trying to be heavy handed here but let's be realistic. You're extremely unwell. Liver function has to be severely, and I mean severely, impaired to be experiencing jaundice. I told a an outpatient therapist about four years ago that I couldn't go back to inpatient rehab because of my job. She came back at me and said, "You very well may not have a job at all if you don't go to rehab and get it together." How prophetic that was. I didn't go and I lost a job I loved less than a year later for being intoxicated on the job. Do yourself a favor and look at the big picture. You can always another job. Is the short term gain you'd experience worth the possibility of irreparably damaging your health? I'm not trying shill for detox. I'm just someone who has been in your shoes and was someone who minimized just how dangerously bad my health was. Unlike a lot of posters over in Other Drugs, it sounds like you have an awareness that you need to take drastic steps to turn your life around. But that's going to be extremely difficult if you are physically unwell and in pain/discomfort.

And i agree with you 100%.. I guess i?ll just have to see the outcome of tomorrow. If i get the job i?ll just have to figure out how soon they need me. if it can wait, till a week or two i?ll do it. but if not then i?ll have to turn down the offer. Because you are right my life is not worth losing or damaging further just for a job. And my living environment is too unhealthy for me. so i do need to take steps to better myself. Thank you.

 

[Ds]

Hey thats good that you see you got a problem, thats the first step, and i don't mean for AA/NA, for anything.

What I noticed in early recovery was getting my emotions back, and for so long i used to drink and use hard drugs to cover them up. Seemed like after the 30 day mark I started to be more accepting, and started to learn how to forgive myself for all the shit i put myself through.
Just know that you are not alone!

 

[Rio Fantastic]

And i agree with you 100%.. I guess i?ll just have to see the outcome of tomorrow. If i get the job i?ll just have to figure out how soon they need me. if it can wait, till a week or two i?ll do it. but if not then i?ll have to turn down the offer. Because you are right my life is not worth losing or damaging further just for a job. And my living environment is too unhealthy for me. so i do need to take steps to better myself. Thank you.

aihfl is right. How long do you think you can keep a job while you're hooked on meth & heroin and with that list of worrying symptoms you described? You made it sound like you're on the verge of needing hospitalisation and you have an out of control drug addiction but think that you can hold down a new job? Come on, man. Get real.

 

[beckeryyy00]

aihfl is right. How long do you think you can keep a job while you're hooked on meth & heroin and with that list of worrying symptoms you described? You made it sound like you're on the verge of needing hospitalisation and you have an out of control drug addiction but think that you can hold down a new job? Come on, man. Get real.

I?ve gotten by with every job i?ve had with my drug addiction. but the thing is, is i no longer want to get by. i want to live for once if that makes any sense. Me and my support are getting together today and discussing options. luckily there are a few beds open in sober living places right now. Just got to get through detox and explore my options beyond that. Thank you guys.

 

[jasperkent]

To use an old AA/NA cliche: "If you put anything in front of your recovery, you will lose that thing AND your recovery."

I've found it to be true only about 99.9% of the time.

Peace&Love,
jasper

 

[beckeryyy00]

Thanks again you guys. I?m going into detox tonight, and hopefully will look into some sober living options while i?m there get out of the environment i?m in will really help my mood and help keep me clean. I?m ready for change (finally) and i?m going to stick with if.

 

[aihfl]

I am so glad you are going this route. Be safe and take care.