Iamoxygen
Greenlighter
Hi folks,
So obviously this is my first post, and I'm going to put it all out there. I've been using this site for years to help with HR techniques, ROAs, etc., but I finally decided to join today for a different reason. To start out, I'll give you all some history. I started smoking weed when I was 13 years old, and was smoking daily from age 16 to 25. Over the last decade, I've done a plethora of different drugs and could probably be certified as a cosmonaut. I have a very addictive personality and like to credit that to my father, who also used drugs throughout his youth and has been a functioning alcoholic for over 35 years. He also smokes weed daily and we smoke together whenever I see him (lives in VA). This is not meant to come off as bragging by any means, just a documentation of where I am and how I got here. I went to VA Tech after graduating high school and joined a frat immediately. It was a traditional chapter, we were hazed plenty, but after getting in it facilitated some of the best times of my life...and some of the worst, though I didn't know it at the time. Around sophomore year I started dabbling in cocaine. It was at every party and I rarely had to pay for it. I loved it, and by my fourth year I was always trying to procure some blow anytime we had a social event. I was never addicted to it, and never did it more than 2-3 nights a week. I was also a huge jam band fan and did a lot of psychedelics over those 4-5 years, at lots of festivals. Shrooms, acid, molly, research chems, nitrous, you name it. I'm not going to lie, those were some great times. But I never felt addicted to any of these things, but that feeling changed when I broke my leg my junior year, longboarding down the many hills in gorgeous Blacksburg, VA. That's when I met my first love, hydrocodone. I was prescribed around 300 5mg norcos at one time, and after a night of extreme pain when I took 6, I realized that the warmth and euphoria of opiates were my shit. Luckily, I had too much going on in my life and no connections so when I ran out of pills, that was it. Opiates became a forgotten thing of the past for about 3 years.
When I graduated and got my first job, a very lucrative but highly stressful position staffing the Dept of Defense in Washington DC, I burned out quickly. I hated the area and I hated my job, when one day a coworker of mine asked me if I wanted any blues (roxy 30s). Not knowing what they were but always open to experimentation, I said yes and bought one. This was the biggest mistake of my life, and so rekindled my love affair with opiates. It was as if I was meeting a lost lover, the one that got away...if you will. I swallowed that first pill and felt the warmth come on, and that was that.
Fast forward two years. I hadn't allowed my opiate affinity become a habit, mainly because I couldn't afford it living in an insanely high cost of living area like DC. I hated it up there, no waves, no mountains, no snowboarding, no "bro shit" that I liked to do. Out of the blue, I received a job offer for more money to move to Charleston, SC. I jumped on it. Within months, I was making close to 6 figures and paying half the rent to live right next to the beach. That should have been enough to satisfy my life...NOPE. Opiates are everywhere down here. I found a Norco hook up, which then led me to Roxys, and over about a year, that became my DOC. It got to the point where I was doing 90mg per day minimum. I hated my job, but the money was excellent, though I was unhappy at work unless I was high. It started as a few days per week, then everyday but not until 3pm (I worked 8am-6:30pm, no lunch break), then every day by 9am. Eventually I couldn't afford the habit, and that's when I made the second biggest mistake of my life. I turned to heroin.
I was making $100k+ annually, and spending all of it on H other than the mortgage and bill payments. The money fueled the drugs and the drugs fueled the money. It was a vicious cycle. I started out snorting and smoking it, but after about 6 months of that, I began having horrible lung problems. I'd be short of breath doing regular activities, and walking up the stairs would bring me to my knees at times. I fooled myself into thinking it was asthma or something similar that was just showing itself, and a few doctors agreed with my self diagnosis. But deep down, thanks to Blue Light, I knew it was all related to the drug use. You see, heroin and other opiates greatly suppress your cough reflex. I was doing so much so often, that fluid was building up in my lungs, and my body was too doped up to expel the stuff. The doctors put me on a steroid regiment which was helpful, though I knew the real way to fix it was to quit dope, but I wasn't ready yet. I just knew I needed to find an ROA that didn't send powder or smoke directly into my lungs. I tried plugging, to no success at all. The needle was next, and in I plunged (no pun intended). At first it cheapened the habit and the amount I was using, but that lasted maybe a week or two. Soon I was using a gram per day, sometimes up to 2 gs on a bad day. Eventually someone noticed at work, and since three weeks ago, I've been on paid suspension until they figure out how to fire me. I'm (was) the top producer out of over 200 other staffers, so I make the company a lot of money, otherwise I've had been fired immediately.
This was my rock bottom.
I was asked to leave work, went home, finished the stash and told myself I was done with all opiates. Given the amount of my daily habit, I knew I was in for a rough few days. After 18 hours, the WDs kicked in, and for 24-72 hours I couldn't even keep water down. Many of you are all too familiar with the other symptoms. But I didn't crack. CT after a g+ per day habit is no joke. After a week sober, I slipped. I bought a half a g from an old connect and did it over 3 days. I could kick myself as I was already past the hard physical part, and I don't know why I made the call and followed through with the purchase. I was terrified that the WDs would start again, but I'm at 41 hours now since my last dose and haven't felt any yet. I thank God for that. The shitty part is the thought of using manifests itself in my head again today, and I'm fighting to beat it back. "You can use if you want, you won't have WDs. Just use in moderation." I know that's bullshit and that I'll just be where I was a few weeks ago, using a g a day before I know it. This is my true first attempt at getting clean. I don't want subs or methadone, I want to beat this straight up CT.
I'm reaching out to this community for help. Kind words, advice, shared similar situations, anything will help. What did you do to beat your habit? How did you beat the cravings? Most importantly, how long does it take for the depression and lethargy to go away? I know there are tons of similar stories on here but I wanted to post my own. I feel like a few personal responses will hit home more than reading the posts of others.
So obviously this is my first post, and I'm going to put it all out there. I've been using this site for years to help with HR techniques, ROAs, etc., but I finally decided to join today for a different reason. To start out, I'll give you all some history. I started smoking weed when I was 13 years old, and was smoking daily from age 16 to 25. Over the last decade, I've done a plethora of different drugs and could probably be certified as a cosmonaut. I have a very addictive personality and like to credit that to my father, who also used drugs throughout his youth and has been a functioning alcoholic for over 35 years. He also smokes weed daily and we smoke together whenever I see him (lives in VA). This is not meant to come off as bragging by any means, just a documentation of where I am and how I got here. I went to VA Tech after graduating high school and joined a frat immediately. It was a traditional chapter, we were hazed plenty, but after getting in it facilitated some of the best times of my life...and some of the worst, though I didn't know it at the time. Around sophomore year I started dabbling in cocaine. It was at every party and I rarely had to pay for it. I loved it, and by my fourth year I was always trying to procure some blow anytime we had a social event. I was never addicted to it, and never did it more than 2-3 nights a week. I was also a huge jam band fan and did a lot of psychedelics over those 4-5 years, at lots of festivals. Shrooms, acid, molly, research chems, nitrous, you name it. I'm not going to lie, those were some great times. But I never felt addicted to any of these things, but that feeling changed when I broke my leg my junior year, longboarding down the many hills in gorgeous Blacksburg, VA. That's when I met my first love, hydrocodone. I was prescribed around 300 5mg norcos at one time, and after a night of extreme pain when I took 6, I realized that the warmth and euphoria of opiates were my shit. Luckily, I had too much going on in my life and no connections so when I ran out of pills, that was it. Opiates became a forgotten thing of the past for about 3 years.
When I graduated and got my first job, a very lucrative but highly stressful position staffing the Dept of Defense in Washington DC, I burned out quickly. I hated the area and I hated my job, when one day a coworker of mine asked me if I wanted any blues (roxy 30s). Not knowing what they were but always open to experimentation, I said yes and bought one. This was the biggest mistake of my life, and so rekindled my love affair with opiates. It was as if I was meeting a lost lover, the one that got away...if you will. I swallowed that first pill and felt the warmth come on, and that was that.
Fast forward two years. I hadn't allowed my opiate affinity become a habit, mainly because I couldn't afford it living in an insanely high cost of living area like DC. I hated it up there, no waves, no mountains, no snowboarding, no "bro shit" that I liked to do. Out of the blue, I received a job offer for more money to move to Charleston, SC. I jumped on it. Within months, I was making close to 6 figures and paying half the rent to live right next to the beach. That should have been enough to satisfy my life...NOPE. Opiates are everywhere down here. I found a Norco hook up, which then led me to Roxys, and over about a year, that became my DOC. It got to the point where I was doing 90mg per day minimum. I hated my job, but the money was excellent, though I was unhappy at work unless I was high. It started as a few days per week, then everyday but not until 3pm (I worked 8am-6:30pm, no lunch break), then every day by 9am. Eventually I couldn't afford the habit, and that's when I made the second biggest mistake of my life. I turned to heroin.
I was making $100k+ annually, and spending all of it on H other than the mortgage and bill payments. The money fueled the drugs and the drugs fueled the money. It was a vicious cycle. I started out snorting and smoking it, but after about 6 months of that, I began having horrible lung problems. I'd be short of breath doing regular activities, and walking up the stairs would bring me to my knees at times. I fooled myself into thinking it was asthma or something similar that was just showing itself, and a few doctors agreed with my self diagnosis. But deep down, thanks to Blue Light, I knew it was all related to the drug use. You see, heroin and other opiates greatly suppress your cough reflex. I was doing so much so often, that fluid was building up in my lungs, and my body was too doped up to expel the stuff. The doctors put me on a steroid regiment which was helpful, though I knew the real way to fix it was to quit dope, but I wasn't ready yet. I just knew I needed to find an ROA that didn't send powder or smoke directly into my lungs. I tried plugging, to no success at all. The needle was next, and in I plunged (no pun intended). At first it cheapened the habit and the amount I was using, but that lasted maybe a week or two. Soon I was using a gram per day, sometimes up to 2 gs on a bad day. Eventually someone noticed at work, and since three weeks ago, I've been on paid suspension until they figure out how to fire me. I'm (was) the top producer out of over 200 other staffers, so I make the company a lot of money, otherwise I've had been fired immediately.
This was my rock bottom.
I was asked to leave work, went home, finished the stash and told myself I was done with all opiates. Given the amount of my daily habit, I knew I was in for a rough few days. After 18 hours, the WDs kicked in, and for 24-72 hours I couldn't even keep water down. Many of you are all too familiar with the other symptoms. But I didn't crack. CT after a g+ per day habit is no joke. After a week sober, I slipped. I bought a half a g from an old connect and did it over 3 days. I could kick myself as I was already past the hard physical part, and I don't know why I made the call and followed through with the purchase. I was terrified that the WDs would start again, but I'm at 41 hours now since my last dose and haven't felt any yet. I thank God for that. The shitty part is the thought of using manifests itself in my head again today, and I'm fighting to beat it back. "You can use if you want, you won't have WDs. Just use in moderation." I know that's bullshit and that I'll just be where I was a few weeks ago, using a g a day before I know it. This is my true first attempt at getting clean. I don't want subs or methadone, I want to beat this straight up CT.
I'm reaching out to this community for help. Kind words, advice, shared similar situations, anything will help. What did you do to beat your habit? How did you beat the cravings? Most importantly, how long does it take for the depression and lethargy to go away? I know there are tons of similar stories on here but I wanted to post my own. I feel like a few personal responses will hit home more than reading the posts of others.
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