Dear God, same man. I’ve been there. I tried Alcohol, benzos, Benadryl, sleeping pills, and none of it helped me sleep. The first week was hell. I honestly got zero hours sleep for 3 or 4 days. I don’t know how I survived it but if I drank I would just feel worse because then I was foggy and drunk and still unable to sleep. I even tried Subutex and it gave me worse withdrawal even though I didn’t take it until day 2 when I was already in withdrawal it gave me full on hardcore withdrawal and my head was spinning and I honestly thought I would die. I had to have my girl take me to the hospital at like 3am bc I was non stop puking up foam because my stomach was empty and she was a saint through it all. If it wasn’t for her I would t be able to stay away from the shit. Even now she’s back at work and I’m only like 9 or 10 days into my sobriety from street fent and I think of her when I feel tempted and it helps me not want to touch that shit ever again. I could have never done this without her. I honestly had given up and was ready to throw in the towel on life. I blew tens of thousands of dollars in 6 months from our sale of a house and fucked up big time bc I hid it from her and she’s still by my side. She’s an angel man. Seriously. Anyway, I’m still having mini withdrawal symptoms think it might have to do with being diagnosed diabetic when I ended up hospital ICU and almost died 3 months ago bc my health got so bad bc I was doing so much fent I just let myself go and stopped eating and doing anything for the most part. And she was there to visit me every day after work. Man I am so lucky looking back. Not just the health but once again my girl. Sorry to rant but man she’s something. She fought with me for 20 years, since we were kids for us to be together, because I thought I would fuck it up and lose my best friend, but finally saying yes to her was the smartest thing I have EVER done.
Anyway you’re probably right. Who knows what was in the shit I was getting from a so called “friend.” Probably had tranquilizers of some kind in it and God knows what else and I put it up my nose for a good 6 or 7 months after using pressed blue fakes / fent pills for like a freaking year before that. I took waaaay too much honestly because I’ve been on prescription pain meds for my back for over 10 years now from a football injury in high school that herniated 3 of my discs in my lower back (L3-L5). They’ve had me on as much as 100mg of methadone per day as a slow acting med and eight 30mg oxycodone as fast acting relief per day. So 100mg of methadone and 240mg of oxy per day for 10 years I had a tolerance going I. And it made my fent use bad to start but it got even worse as my depression grew and all I wanted to do was sleep to escape the pain mentally and physically bc I knew I was throwing my life away and my girl deserved better than that from me. I’m genuinely happy to be fentanyl free *KNOCK ON WOOD* and hope it continues. My dealer / friend even messaged me and told me he was going to pick up and would grab me something for free if I eventually traded him and overpaid later. So I ignored him for days before finally just flat out telling him this morning that I’m clean now, so he shouldn’t message me ever again because I don’t need it and if he does I’ll mention it to our mutual friends. (We were never really friends, but he’s always been a friend of multiple friends of mine & Up until now I haven’t told any of those friends that he’s dealing or using bc it wasn’t my place to throw someone else under the bus, even though I know now that he was taking advantage of my situation, seriously overcharging me, and even at times manipulating things bc he was my only source. But I’m serious about staying clean now and don’t want him, or anyone else, trying to tempt me so they can make money off of me while I throw my life away. I’m better than that and deserve a better life so I can be better for my girl and have a future with her.)
So ranting aside, I still need to figure out how to eat without getting sick now and then I should truly be OK. Glad you got through your withdrawal. I’m able to sleep now finally, but it took a good week or so for me too. This addiction shit is no joke. I watched family members go through this my whole life. Even recently my uncle passed, last year, bc his heart gave out after decades of IV drug use and alcoholism, and his daughter is struggling through the exact same thing, and as a child I swore I would never be like them, but genetics is powerful and hard to avoid and eventually overcome. Luckily I am afraid of needles so I never went that route, but snorting it has the same effect in the end and a lot of the same risks as well. Glad to be clean, glad to have this forum to vent, rant, and get good advice to help me stay safe and stay sober. Thanks to you and everyone else for the comments, here and in past posts, for helping me deal with all of this crap, and for keeping me on the right path.
and propose to that woman. She is clearly a saint to have even stayed with you even tho she isn't an addict n plus all that money you blew it also belong to her from the sale of your house I would kill you so you have yourself a unicorn and you better marry that girl.