Cocaine questions regarding good ol' blowcaine

[DeadlyChemistry]

Okay! Hi! I am new here...
So basically I will give you guys a run through on my history with cocaine:

First used it while on vacation in south america where it was very fluffy, smelled like kerosene and one small line had my head spinning quite literally with happiness. I had to sit down on the toilet seat and really let the euphoria do it's thing. I was on a fam vacation and had walked into town alone and "accidentally" (more like... impusively and self-scaring-ly) bought the yayo. Can't say prices on here but let's just say it was well worth the money i dropped especially cause of the exchange rate and i paid with colons (costa rican currency). After i bought it, i quickly ran back to our rental house, sped into the bathroom, locked the door, turned on the fan as to drown out sniffing noises, poured out the bag of the half-gram i bought. I cut a 2 inch lines which was extremely thin and not chopped up at all... rolled up a very crisp $20 bill i had from the bank i stopped at before leaving for costa rica and railed it.. i waited 4 or 5 minutes (i had snorted focalin and dexedrine before so i know the drill with snorting powder). all of a sudden, my head started to buzz without the sound of a buzzing, it was more like my head felt "vibrat-ee" and i got super happy and had to sit down and fully enjoy it. fearing that i had WAY too much on my hands and way too much free time to do the coke, i flushed the rest down the toilet. that's right. i flushed basically a half gram of south american "pure" cocaine down the toilet. then i waited 30 mins, i got less happy and less happy till i was baseline in about an hour, i went and took a nap.

Next experience, 3 months after the original experience - my very reliable, nice, friendly and long-term friend pot dealer told me he could get me fish scale. I live in the usa, not uk, so real fishscale isn't impossible to get and i believed him because his pot is by far the best in my entire state and he goes to a very drug-infested yet somewhat classy place to re-up. anyway, i buy a half gram of his friend's fishscale. Clumps of moist, oily seeming white powder were in the bag. I poured out a lines worth, blew it, no burn, almost instant numbing, a mild euphoria lasting bout 10minutes, then i was baseline or so i felt. the thing i loved about it was THE DAMN SMELL!! fuck the high from coke, i chase that damn smell! anyway, i do basically all of it but there's a few lines worth left and i give it to a friend cause my cocaine feinding expired and i noticed blood in my snot when i blew my nose so i figured i should give the rest away for free and be done.

third experience, i wanted that damn smell... and the high that came along with it. About a few weeks later, i bought a half gram from a sketchy dude i know who sells stolen things for weed money and then sells the weed he buys. he got it from another dude who got it from another dude... it was stomped hardcore and probbaly baking soda cause it made my nose run like fuck so i literally just spent the next 4 hours rubbing it on my gums, enjoying the numbing effect and the mild high i got from the relatively significant amount of cocaine which gets absorbed through that route of administration (gumming/cheeking). I bought it this time for a music festival i went to so it wasn't really a compulsive thing, i just wanted some sort of energizer and i figured cocaine would do XD.

fourth and latest experience: i wanted the smell again, this is 2 months later from the 3rd experience. New years baby! I got an entire G (first time buying more than half a gram) from the awesome pot dealer from experience #2. He said he got it from another dude this time, and shiiit it was cut with baking soda but not nearly as much. it made my nose run and shit but i fucking loved the smell and i got a decent high! It was aight enough where i could snort and not regret it, i would just suck it up and blow my nose 10 minutes later. It was purer than most shit i read bout on this forum cause i could do a nicely sized line and feel good for the next 45 minutes with no redosing until then, it satisfied my need. On top of that, i got a free sample of about 2 lines of coke from a dude i know who's a new seller. He ALSO cut his with fucking baking soda, not as much as the last tho... i didnt have to blow my nose at all, it just stung a little bit and i could taste it in the drip. His is worth the money for sure tho cause his sample got me high AF.

OKAY!! that completes my history. experience #1, 2, and 4 were good. 3 sucked balls.

questions:
1.) I don't get "that cocaine egotistical as fuck high" everyone talks about (even in costa rica, i got HAPPY as hell but nothing like crazy)...but yet i crave it and like to redose until i am out of coke...what the fuck is up with me?

2.) I am addicted to the smell...anyone else like this? I'm like how stoners love that skunk smell of ther precious bud... I can't get enough of the vinegary, gasolin-y, coca leafy, chemical/yet almost naturally occuring smell.

3.) If i used a 1/2 G once every two weeks or basically, if i used coke once or twice per month, would i gain a tolerance/risk getting mild withdrawls like finding everything irritating even after the comedown has fully been offset?

4.) I'm pissed that i flushed the half G in costa rica. no question here. just saying... although it was a wise decision haha


THANKS!!!

btw just in case anyone wants to know, i'm a big sharer, happy with my life (i'd say i have a close to perfect life), senior yr of high school, incredible girlfriend, had a little stint with opiate pills but kicked them completely on my own and haven't touched one in 6 months and have NO plans to ever and my cravings have completely gone away, i get money weekly for lunch/gas money from parents and i usually save some per week and then collect drug money that way so i'm not a big cash blower, i stopped smoking pot after i had a seizure-esque panic attack about 3 months ago, i stopped drinking after i got too wasted and everything turned dark purple (didn't black out, everyting just got dark as shit for me), and i slept on my bathroom floor after having a panic attack (thats right... i had a PANIC ATTACK that cut through the mega sedating effects of 9 shots of vodka, and i weigh 110 pounds). So basically the only drugs i use are my adhd medication on some occasions for testing or studying in mild doses (>20 mgs dex) and i guess sometimes cocaine but im not a regular user as i only get it when the opportunity arises and there's a good reason to. One could say i am "drug free" for a high school student as the majority of my school smokes/drinks and snorts dex 24/7. i live in a great socio-economic situation/area so i'm not worried about getting mixed with the wrong people through my seldom drug use.
happy to be on this forum!

 

[pbuilder]

Are you high right now... Lol

 

[shreddedlettuce]

questions:
1.) I don't get "that cocaine egotistical as fuck high" everyone talks about (even in costa rica, i got HAPPY as hell but nothing like crazy)...but yet i crave it and like to redose until i am out of coke...what the fuck is up with me?

When I read this the first spark that jolted me was ADD/ADHD.

I have ADD (only diagnosed when I was 33), but don't take any medication for it as the only available ones where I stay are Ritalin. Nothing else. After a few days I stopped taking them, I needed something stronger and not so "dirty" feeling and short-lived.

All that Cocaine would do for me was block my nose and then when it's over I get the "flu-like" feeling in my body and a basketball clogging my nose.
If someone offered me a line or a few lines of Coke, I would politely decline without a second thought, but also wouldn't judge them.
It just isn't for me.
The only positive thing I can "squeeze" out of my head about it, and it is difficult to find one, is that I would feel normal/sober and content.......for about 3 minutes.

It's the dopamine that is giving you that reward/achievement feeling one should be getting naturally but can't because of never being able to finish a task 100% (I'm speaking from my experience, but am quite positive you know what I am trying to say).
From this 1st question, and no matter how much else you wrote, it seems to me that you don't actually like the coke for what it is. You are looking for that reward and being "on top of things" feeling, which the coke is giving you a tiny taste of.
This is why it is so frustrating for you, As you get there, that content feeling, etc..... it's gone in minutes...and then the need to re-dose and the rest is history.

Please hear me out, this post has a destination. and we are nearly there.

2.) I am addicted to the smell...anyone else like this? I'm like how stoners love that skunk smell of ther precious bud... I can't get enough of the vinegary, gasolin-y, coca leafy, chemical/yet almost naturally occuring smell.

The smell that you are describing in your statement above is only a trigger. The minute you think of the smell or smell something similar then "DING DONG" "I (meaning you) want some coke". And in the back of your mind you are thinking the only way to feel "confident" is to use coke.
Don't worry about tolerance, I'm pretty sure your tolerance is pretty high, and for a drug that is pulling you in by "the smell" as a major trigger. Not a very normal reason to snort coke if you really think about it.

3.) If i used a 1/2 G once every two weeks or basically, if i used coke once or twice per month, would i gain a tolerance/risk getting mild withdrawls like finding everything irritating even after the comedown has fully been offset?

It wouldn't be worth it, think about it, is the risk (worrying about withdrawals, finding everything irritating even after the comedown has been fully "offset". Is this the reward you really are looking for?

Fearing that i had WAY too much on my hands and way too much free time to do the coke, i flushed the rest down the toilet. I flushed basically a half gram. Then i waited 30 mins, i got less happy and less happy till i was baseline in about an hour, i went and took a nap.

The real reward for you here was not only the "nap", but also flushing the substance down the toilet is a much bigger reward in the long run.
And that quote above pretty much answers your own questions about the whole coke issue.

I will "wrap it up" now (pun intended), you need to find something that inspires you, and it will surface, but not if you continue with this obsessive thinking that the cocaine is it, cause from what I have read (and yes I read the whole post), you are actually saying that it is not what you want.

The whole twice a month, (once every three weeks etc)-(poetic licence), isn't going to improve your mental state of what you actually need to move forward in your life with you making the decisions you want to make and then once accomplished that reward feeling won't be such a stranger anymore.

And yes there are medications that can help you get to that point.
But let us know when you are on the same "wavelength" as what I am trying to put into this post.

We can grab the inspiration issue together, but while you are still using coke, thinking about that lovely smell, and ultimately disappointing yourself, you need to want it(inspiration), you need to crave inspiration.
We'll be here when it finally clicks in your head, and we will help you take that next (actually much easier) step.

Jeez, I've spend over an hour with this post.

You've still got choices, many others don't.

Welcome to BlueLight and good luck.

 

[onetwo]

Pretty sure cocaine isn't physically addicting so no you would not experience withdrawal symptoms.

 

[shreddedlettuce]

Pretty sure cocaine isn't physically addicting so no you would not experience withdrawal symptoms.

First part of your post is correct, but you just left out one word that makes the second part of your post incorrect. (no offense just saying it like it is).
With physical withdrawal (eg. opiates) there is "an end in sight" there are steps in place to get addicts through the physical withdrawals and you will know when the physical withdrawals are over.

But the psychological withdrawal can last a life time and destroy a person's will to keep clean.
So that is why I concentrated on the psychological aspect of the OP's situation.
So much of his post is psychological addiction (smell etc).
The sooner he forgets about a drug that doesn't seem to actually give him what he is looking for and a drug that isn't actually physically addictive the better his chances are of moving past this phase.
So at the first hint of a craving, I'm hoping he will post his feelings and his situation in the very near future and we can then help as best we can with the psychological part, and a forum like this is great for someone going through psychological withdrawal.

 

[NeighborhoodThreat]

Indeed, the psychological addiction to drugs is, a lot of the time, infinitely harder to get over vs. the physical withdrawal. Stimulants are nearly all psychological withdrawal. I mean, tell a tweaker or coke head that stimulants aren't addictive. They certainly are. Just because a drug doesn't have a physical withdrawal symptom (like opiates, benzos, alcohol, barbs, etc) doesn't mean its not addictive.

Plus, in some people (not saying this will happen to the OP...), the psychological aspects of withdrawal manifest themselves as physical or psycho-physical symptoms.

 

[XoxoMaryJane]

Hey there DeadlyChemistry very interesting post I wish I could answer your questions for you but I don't have the answers to those, I think ShreddedLettuce gave you some real solid advice man I hope you will take time to read it over. The one think I did want to comment on is the part where you said you are relatively "drug free" for a high school student. be careful with that, you are your own person who cares what other high school students are doing, but no one can tell you what to do but we have to be accountable for our actions and choices if you have used and plan to continue you are not really drug free. It's better to own it and be aware of it it may help you from going overboard. In my case I keep saying no I don't do drugs, but yes I did. I thought because a doctor wrote a prescription for it Somehow it made it better. But I eventually woke up and realized my doctor was my dealer. I feel like if had been honest with myself from the start about RX drugs maybe just maybe I would have never let my problem get as far as it did.

 

[DeadlyChemistry]

at ShreddedLettuce - WOW THANK YOU!

Yeah, in a short response, basically I haven't used it in a week and I stopped wanting it. It takes about a week and then I forget about it... but then eventually, something happens in my brain (maybe seasonal depression/mood swings) and I want the smell again and the numbness and whatever "high" comes with it.
But yeah, for me, alcohol and weed are the danger-drugs because they impair my thoughts and I can get it way too easily. I don't like weed/alcohol anymore in general but that's where the whole personal concept comes in with me because it seems that cocaine and my prescription amphetamines are less "addictive" per say than alc or pot just because they don't impair me, I can drive, hold a conversation normally and not wreak of the substance. I guess it's different with tweakers or stimmers who actually enjoy being over-stimulated. The PNS stimulatory effects and the cost of cocaine keep me away from it a lot and the sheer fact I stop wanting it a week after I keep myself off of it. With amphetamines, there is way more heart pumping effects and that keeps me off of abusing it a lot because I'd rather drink a Red Bull and be able to eat/pee for the next 12 hours rather than take 30 mgs of dexedrine and then not be able to even stomach a piece of bread or take a non-shriveled-dick piss.

Again, THANKS SO MUCH! I really appreciate the time you took to write that post and the words you had to say in said post.
To me, drugs are just side-used crutches... I enjoy myself without them, I enjoy social situations without them but at the same time, I like the study-aid effects of dexedrine, or the smell/short term "xtra happiness" of cocaine. Other than that, I don't fuck with anything anymore.

and to pbuilder - one would think, huh, hahaha but no I was actually sober as fuck and about to fall asleep... I just had to type it all out and get it out of my head or something.